Jokes of the day for Monday, 09 October 2017

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Monday, 09 October 2017
  • Currently 9.53/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (1644)

Columbus

Columbus
#joke
Joke | Source: Friars Club - For over 25 years the Sunshine Committee has been providing entertainment, companionship and love to children's and senior citizens centers in the NY area.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

A man goes to Morris the tailo

A man goes to Morris the tailor to try on a new custom-made suit. The first thing he notices is that the sleeves are too long.
"No problem," says Morris the tailor. "Just bend them at the elbow and hold them out in front of you. See, now it's fine."
"But the collar is up around my ears!"
"It's nothing. Just hunch your back up a little... no, a little more... that's it."
"But I'm stepping on my cuffs!" the man cries in desperation.
"Nu, bend you knees a little to take up the slack. There you go. Look in the mirror -- the suit fits perfectly."
So, twisted like a pretzel, the man lurches out onto the street. Sherry and Florence see him go by.
"Oh, look," says Sherry, "that poor man!"
"Yes," says Florence, "but the suit -- what a beautiful fit."
#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 5.40/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (5)

“Did you hear the new

“Did you hear the news about that Chinese restaurant that got vandalized? It was an act of wonton destruction.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous puns on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

For a film director, not being

For a film director, not being able to hire the number of actors you want is a fate worse than cast ration.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

Visit to the museum

Visiting the modern art museum, a lady turned to an attendant standing nearby.

"This," she said, "I suppose, is one of those hideous representations you call modern art?"

"No, Madam," replied the attendant. "That one's called a mirror."

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 7.44/10

Rating: 7.4/10 (9)

 Passing A School Bus


The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.
"Unlawful to Pass School Bus from Either Direction"
I guess that some people misunderstood that, because now it reads:
"Unlawful to Pass Stopped School Bus from Either Direction".

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

What a winning combination?

The computer chose a secret code (sequence of 4 digits from 1 to 6). Your goal is to find that code. Black circles indicate the number of hits on the right spot. White circles indicate the number of hits on the wrong spot.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Ways To Get Rid Of Telemarketers

An old one, but a good one…

1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for Bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.

2. If they start out with, “How are you today?” say, “Why do you want to know?” Or you can say, “I'm so glad you asked, because no one seems to care these days and I have all these problems, my sciatica is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died…” When they get try to get back to the sell, just continue your problems.

3. If they say they're Joe Doe from the XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name, then ask them to spell the company name, then ask them where it located. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.

4. This one works better if you are male: Telemarketer: “Hi, my name is Judy and I'm with Canter and Siegel services…. You: “Hang on a second.” (few seconds pause) “Okay, (in a really husky voice) what are you wearing?”

5. Crying out, in well-simulated tones of pleasure and surprise, “Judy!! Is this really you? Oh, my gosh! Judy, how have you BEEN?” Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where the hell she could know you from.

6. Say, “No”, over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each no, and keep an even tempo even as they're trying to speak. This is the most fun if you can keep going until they hang up.

7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up with their Family and Friends plan, reply, in a sinister a voice as you can muster, “I don't have any friends…would you be my friend?”

8. If they clean rugs: “Can you get blood out, you can? Well, how about goat blood or HUMAN blood.

9. Let the person go through their spiel, providing minimal but necessary feedback in the form of an occasional “Uh- huh, really, or “That's fascinating.” Finally, when they ask you to buy, ask them to marry you. They get all flustered, but just tell them you couldn't give your credit card number to someone that's a complete stranger.

10. Tell them you work for the same company they work for. Example: Telemarketer: “This is Bill from Watertronics.” You: “Watertronics!! Hey I work for them too. Where are you calling from?” Telemarketer: “Uh, Dallas, Texas.” You: “Great, they have a group there too? How's business/the weather? Too bad the company has a policy against selling to employees! Oh well, see ya.”

11. Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a telemarketer, set the receiver down, shout or scream, “Oh, my goodness!!!” and then hang up.

12. Tell the Telemarketer you are busy and if they will give you their phone number you will call them back. If they say they are not allow to give out their number, then ask them for their home number and tell them you will call them at home. (This is usually the most effective method of getting rid of Telemarketers)

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 09 October 2011
  • Currently 5.06/10

Rating: 5.1/10 (32)

Blonde

How do you make a blonde a brunette? Turn her upside down

#joke #short #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 09 October 2008
  • Currently 5.23/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (26)

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