Jokes of the day for Friday, 20 October 2017

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Friday, 20 October 2017
  • Currently 9.55/10

Rating: 9.6/10 (1730)

Playing Your Age

A lady is having a bad day at the roulette tables in Vegas. She's down to her last $50. Exasperated, she exclaims to the whole table, 'What rotten luck I've had today! What in the world should I do now?'
A man standing next to her suggests, 'I don't know, why don't you play your age?'
He walks away, but moments later, his attention is grabbed by a great commotion at the roulette table. Maybe she won! He rushes back to the table and pushes his way through the crowd. The lady is lying limp on the floor, with the table operator kneeling over her. The man is stunned. He asks, 'What happened? Is she all right?'
The operator replies, 'I don't know. She put all her money on 36, and when 47 came up she just fainted!'

#joke
Joke | Source: Friars Club - For over 25 years the Sunshine Committee has been providing entertainment, companionship and love to children's and senior citizens centers in the NY area.
  • Currently 6.17/10

Rating: 6.2/10 (6)

A witness was called to stand

A witness was called to stand to testify about a head-on automobile collision.
"Whose fault was this accident?" the lawyer asked.
"As near as I could tell," replied the witness, "they hit each other at about the same time."
#joke #short #lawyer
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (4)

 Knock Knock Collection 048


Knock Knock
Who's there?
Dill!
Dill who?
Dill we meet again!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Dimension!
Dimension who?
Dimension it!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Dimitri!
Dimitri who?
Dimitri is where the burgers grow!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Dinah!
Dinah who?
Dinah shoot until you see the whites of their eyes!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Dino!
Dino who?
Dino the answer!

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

“Since I've quit soc

“Since I've quit soccer, I've lost my goal in life.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous puns on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (4)

Trying to tame frizzy hair ca

Trying to tame frizzy hair can be very fro straighting.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 2.00/10

Rating: 2.0/10 (4)

My mind is gone

"Oh God," sighed the wife one morning, "I'm convinced my mind is almost completely gone!"

Her husband looked up from the newspaper and commented, "I'm not surprised: You've been giving me a piece of it every day for twenty years!"

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 16 January 2016
  • Currently 6.88/10

Rating: 6.9/10 (16)

What a winning combination?

The computer chose a secret code (sequence of 4 digits from 1 to 6). Your goal is to find that code. Black circles indicate the number of hits on the right spot. White circles indicate the number of hits on the wrong spot.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

I promise you cannot read thes...

I promise you cannot read these and not laugh outloud! These are real notes written from parents in a Mississippi schooldistrict. (Spellings have been left intact.)
My son is under a doctor's care and should not takeP.E. today. Please execute him.
Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick andI had her shot.
Dear School: Please ekscuse John Henry being absenton Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33
Please excuse Gloria Jean from Jim today. She isadministrating
Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days.Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.
John has been absent because he had two teeth takenout of his face.
Carlos was absent yesterday because he playingfootball. He hurt in the growing part.
Ethel Pearl could not come to school today because shehas been bothered by very close veins.
Please xcuse LeRoy from school, he ain't got no raincot and it was missing rain.
Please excuse Bowdiddly fom school cause he uncledied. Bow say, "I sho glad it want me."
Lugene will not be in school cus he has an acre in hisside .
Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has veryloose vowels.
Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday. Hehad(diahre)(dyrea)(direathe) the s----. [Words werecrossed out in the ( )'s}
Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. Hehad diarrhea and his boots leak.
Irving was absent yesterday because he missed hisbust.
Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father'sfault.
I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmasshopping because I don't know what size she wear.
Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found itMonday, we thought it was Sunday.
Sally won't be in school a weak from Friday. We haveto attend her funeral.
My daughter was absent yesterday because she wastired. She spent a weekend with the Marines.
Please excuse Willie being absent yesterday. He had acold and could not breed well.
Please excuse Mary Ann for being absent yestitty. Shewas in bed with gramps.
Lizie was absent yesterday as she was having agangover.
Please excuse Brenda, she been sick and under thedoctor.
Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had afever, sore throat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick,fever and sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and achedall over. I wasn't the best either, sore throat and fever. There must besomething going around, her father even got hot last night.
#joke #doctor #christmas #december #friday #monday
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 22 January 2015
  • Currently 6.07/10

Rating: 6.1/10 (15)

Viagra/Gore

What's the difference between Viagra and Al Gore.....Viagra

really works !

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 20 October 2009
  • Currently 4.28/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (36)

Weeping Willows are a result o...

Weeping Willows are a result of Chuck Norris yelling at trees for not being tough enough.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 20 October 2011
  • Currently 2.86/10

Rating: 2.9/10 (28)

Ponderings Collection 34


Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?
Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
How come abbreviated is such a long word?
If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Asians throw hamburgers?
Why are they called apartments, when they're all stuck together?
Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee" on money they already know you don't have?
If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?
When two airplanes almost collide why do they call it a near miss?? It sounds like a near hit to me!!
Do fish get cramps after eating?

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 20 October 2011
  • Currently 4.29/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (24)

True or false?

A little kid's in school, taking a true-false test and he's flipping a coin. At the end of the test he's flipping the coin again. The teacher says, "What are you doing?" He says, "Checking my answers."

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 20 October 2010
  • Currently 5.43/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (23)

Patton Oswalt: Obituary Fear

My other big obituary fear is, when I die, theyll have my picture, and they always have underneath it, in quotes, He loved to laugh. Oh, he loved to laugh. Well, that doesnt tell you anything. Everybody loves to laugh -- youre laughing! Thats like saying, He hungered for food.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 20 October 2010
  • Currently 3.83/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (23)

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