Jokes of the day for Monday, 23 October 2017

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Monday, 23 October 2017
  • Currently 9.56/10

Rating: 9.6/10 (1749)

Really, Really, Slowly

Two guys were riding in a car, arguing about how to say the name of the city that they were in. One said 'Louie-ville' and the other 'Louise-ville.'
They went on arguing and arguing, until they came upon a fast-food restaurant. The one guy goes inside and says to the waitress, 'Please tell me the name of the place where I am right now, really, really, really slowly.'
The waitress goes, 'Bur-ger-King.'

 

#joke
Joke | Source: Friars Club - For over 25 years the Sunshine Committee has been providing entertainment, companionship and love to children's and senior citizens centers in the NY area.
  • Currently 1.80/10

Rating: 1.8/10 (5)

“I typically avoid co

“I typically avoid conversations with robots. They just drone on.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous puns on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 1.67/10

Rating: 1.7/10 (6)

Cabernet: wha

Cabernet: what you drink when you can't decide between taking a taxi or a horse.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 3.17/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (6)

 Sick Of The Holidays


Signs You're Sick of the Holidays
Christmas Santa
8. You've got red and green bags under your eyes
7. You're serving reindeer pot pie
6. When you hear, "Sleigh bells ring, are you listenin'?," you scream, "No! I'm not listening!"
5. You climb on your roof and start shooting carolers with your air gun
4. You think you hear your Christmas tree taunting you.
3. Instead of spending time with family, you're watching some guy make photo copies
2. You've got eggnog coming out of your ears
1. Two words: tinsel rash

#joke #christmas
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 3.60/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (5)

Funny Photo of the day - I watch the news with my pet usually

I watch the news with my pet usually | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 8.55/10

Rating: 8.5/10 (22)

1. I can please only one perso

1. I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either.
2. I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound the make as they go flying by.
3. Am I getting smart with you? How would you know?
4. I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.
5. Someday we'll look back on all this and plow into a parked car.
6. There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives.
7. Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.
8. Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.
9. Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time you need him, chances are you won't be needing him again.
10. I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
11. Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, "Where the hell is the ceiling?!"
12. My Reality Check bounced.
13. On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
14. I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier.
15. You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.
16. Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, 'cuz, like to them, you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.
17. Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.
18. Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 29 January 2017
  • Currently 5.45/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (11)

A telephone rang. "Hello! Is y

A telephone rang. "Hello! Is your phone number 444-4444?"
"Yes, it is," came the reply.
"Thank goodness! Could you call 9-1-1 for me? I super-glued my finger to the phone."
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 06 September 2016
  • Currently 4.67/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (6)

Find number abc

If 7a4c0 + 21cba = 10004a find number abc. Multiple solutions may exist.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Walking economy

A guy is walking down the street with his friend. He says to his friend, "I'm a walking economy."

His friend replies, "How's that?"

"It's like this -- my hair line is in recession, my stomach is a victim of inflation, and the combination of these factors is putting me into a deep depression."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 29 October 2014
  • Currently 8.45/10

Rating: 8.5/10 (11)

A drunk walks into a crowded b...

A drunk walks into a crowded bar and takes the last barstool next to an older woman. After awhile, the woman starts to smell this horrible odor coming from the direction of the drunk. She turns to him and says, "Excuse me Mister, but did you just shit yourself?" The drunk replied, "Yes ma'am, I have indeed shit myself." The woman says, "Well, why don't you go somewhere and clean yourself up?"

The drunk says, "'Cause I'm not finished yet..."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 23 October 2009
  • Currently 5.16/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (55)

Donnell Rawlings: Friends With Cool Jobs

Comedys a tough job, man. Ive got friends who got cool jobs. One of my friends, hes a porno star. Guess how he got discovered? This girl sat on his lap, and she was like, Ooh, you should do porno! Same girl sat on my lap and was like, Ooh, you should tell jokes!
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 23 October 2010
  • Currently 4.73/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (44)

Jeff Dunham: Sex Life of the Elderly

Jeff: I had grandparents that were well into their 80s and still were having fun.
Walter: Their 80s? The hell kind of sex is that? Was it good for you? I dont remember. It was three minutes ago!, Who are you?!?.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 23 October 2009
  • Currently 4.63/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (35)

Paul F. Tompkins: Name in Print

I do not understand why people write letters to magazines. It accomplishes nothing; its pointless. [If] you want to see your name in print that bad, write on a piece of paper and look at it: Ah, there it is. Just as I always dreamed.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 23 October 2011
  • Currently 4.37/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (27)

President Roosevelt once rode ...

President Roosevelt once rode his horse 100 miles. Chuck Norris carried his the same distance in half the time.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 23 October 2011
  • Currently 3.44/10

Rating: 3.4/10 (27)

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