Jokes of the day for Tuesday, 31 October 2017

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Tuesday, 31 October 2017
  • Currently 9.56/10

Rating: 9.6/10 (1719)

A Conundrum

If women do the same job for less money, why do companies hire men to do the same job for more money?

It's a puzzlement!

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Friars Club - For over 25 years the Sunshine Committee has been providing entertainment, companionship and love to children's and senior citizens centers in the NY area.
  • Currently 6.44/10

Rating: 6.4/10 (9)

Marvin had been fishing all da...

Marvin had been fishing all day without any luck. On the way home he stopped at a fish market and said to the clerk, "Please stand there and throw me a few of your biggest trout."
The clerk was puzzled. "Throw them to you? What for?"
"I may be a poor fisherman," Marvin replied, "but I'm no liar. I want to be able to say I caught them myself."
#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

I gave up my job as...

“I gave up my job as a high-wire walker because I was struggling to achieve work-life balance.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous puns on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (4)

It's easy to sabotage a

It's easy to sabotage a peaceful protest among my Arabic relatives. It's like taking Gandhi from habibi.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (4)

Stay Over One Night

A hindu priest, rabbi and a lawyer were driving down the road, when the car breaks down. Fortunately finding a farmhouse nearby, the farmer informed them that he had only one spare room, and that it had only two twin beds.
They were welcome to it, but one of them had to sleep in the barn. After much discussion, the hindu volunteered to go to the barn. A few moments later, a knock on the bedroom door, and the hidu explained that there was a cow in the barn, and cows are sacred and he could not possibly sleep in the barn with a cow.
Annoyed, the rabbi volunteered. A few moments later, a knock on the door. The rabbi explained that there was a pig in the barn and that he, being very orthodox, could not possibly spend the evening in the barn with the origin of pork.
Finally the lawyer said that he would go to the barn. A few moments later there was a knock on the door. It was the cow and the pig!
#joke #lawyer
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 8.08/10

Rating: 8.1/10 (12)

An old, tired-looking dog wand...

An old, tired-looking dog wandered into the yard. I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home.
He followed me into the house, down the hall, and fell asleep on the couch. An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out. The next day he was back, resumed his position on the couch and slept for an hour. This continued for several weeks. Curious, I pinned a note to his collar: "Every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap."
The next day he arrived with a different note pinned to his collar: "He lives in a home with four children -- he's trying to catch up on his sleep. Can I come with him tomorrow?"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 17 November 2015
  • Currently 8.79/10

Rating: 8.8/10 (34)

CINEMANIA: Guess the movie title

Greed, deception, money, power, and murder occur between two mobster best friends and a trophy wife over a gambling empire. Film was made in 1995.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Degrees

The graduate with a science degree asks,
'Why does it work?'

The graduate with an engineering degree asks,
'How does it work?'

The graduate with an accounting degree asks,
'How much will it cost?'

The graduate with a liberal arts degree asks,
'Do you want fries with that?'

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 06 November 2014
  • Currently 8.60/10

Rating: 8.6/10 (10)

A funeral service is being hel...

A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service the pall bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan.
They open the casket to find that the woman is actually alive. She lives for ten more years and then dies. A ceremony is again held at the same church and at the end of the ceremony the pall bearers are again carrying out the casket. As they are walking the husband cries out,

"WATCH OUT FOR THE WALL"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 31 October 2009
  • Currently 5.54/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (59)

Why You So Fat?

A family is at the dinner table. The father looks at his oldest son.

"Tony! Why are you so fat?"

"Pop, it's Mama's casseroles!" Tony says.

"I can't stop eating them, it's so good."

"Tony, you should take a smaller bites."

Pop says.

Then Pop looks at his middle son.

"Fred! Why are you so fat?"

"Pop, it's a Mama's roast beef," Vinny says.

"I can't stop eating it, it's so good."

"Fred, you should take a smaller bites."

Then Pop looks at his youngest son, "John! How you stay so slim and trim?"

"It's easy, Pop," John says.

"I eat a lots and lots of pussy."

"Pussy? Pussy?"

Pop says.

"That tastes like shit!"

"Pop, you should a take smaller bites."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 31 October 2011
  • Currently 4.48/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (52)

Chuck Norris has a pet kitten ...

Chuck Norris has a pet kitten - every night for a snack.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 31 October 2011
  • Currently 3.82/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (33)

Where Is My Goat?

There were these two guys out hiking when they came upon an old, abandoned mine shaft. Curious about its depth they threw in a pebble and waited for the sound of it striking the bottom, but they heard nothing. They went and got a bigger rock, threw it in and waited. Still nothing. They searched the area for something larger and came upon a railroad tie. With great difficulty, the two men carried it to the opening and threw it in. While waiting for it to hit bottom, a goat suddenly darted between them and leapt into the hole!
The guys were still standing there with astonished looks upon their faces from the actions of the goat when a man walked up to them. He asked them if they had seen a goat anywhere in the area and they said that one had just jumped into the mine shaft in front of them! The man replied, "Oh no. That couldn't be my goat, mine was tied to a railroad tie."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 31 October 2011
  • Currently 6.35/10

Rating: 6.4/10 (31)

He who laughs last thinks slow...

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your week.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

Get a new car for your spouse. It'll be a great trade!

Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.

Always try to be modest, and be proud of it!
#joke #monday
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 31 October 2010
  • Currently 7.00/10

Rating: 7.0/10 (27)

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