Jokes of the day for Monday, 20 November 2017

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Monday, 20 November 2017
  • Currently 9.58/10

Rating: 9.6/10 (1632)

Happy Thanksgiving Check out our latest Thanksgiving jokes and quotes on: Thanksgiving jokes collection

“He was buried yester

“He was buried yesterday, and was deeply moved by the experience.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous puns on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 4.67/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (6)

A man goes to see his bank man

A man goes to see his bank manager one day and says: "I'd like to start a small business. How do I go about it?"
"That's simple," replies the bank manager. "All you have to do is buy a big one and wait."
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 3.33/10

Rating: 3.3/10 (21)

Avoiding A Big Object

Driving to work, a gentlman had to swerve to avoid a box that fell out of a truck in front of him. Seconds later, a policeman pulled him over for reckless driving. Fortunately, another officer had seen the carton in the road. The policmen stopped traffic and recovered the box. It was found to contain large upholstery tacks.
"I'm sorry sir," the first trooper told the driver, "but I am still going to have to write you a ticket."
Amazed, the driver asked for what.
The trooper replied, "Tacks evasion."
#joke #policeman
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 7.06/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (17)

Parent Texting

Parent Texting
#joke
Joke | Source: Friars Club - For over 25 years the Sunshine Committee has been providing entertainment, companionship and love to children's and senior citizens centers in the NY area.
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

I went to the hospital for a c

I went to the hospital for a colorectomy and instead got a lobotomy. Now I half a mind to complain.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (4)

Sue and Sally meet at their 30

Sue and Sally meet at their 30th class reunion, and they haven't seen each other since graduation. They begin to talk and bring each other up to date.
The conversation covers their husbands, their children, homes, etc. and finally gets around to their sex lives.
Sue says "It's OK. We get it on every week or so but it's no big adventure, how's yours?"
Sally replies "It's just great, ever since we got into S&M."
Sue is aghast. "Really Sally, I never would have guessed that you would go for that."
"Oh, sure," says Sally, "He snores while I masturbate."
#joke
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (10)

Calculate the number 1344

NUMBERMANIA: Calculate the number 1344 using numbers [3, 6, 5, 4, 60, 774] and basic arithmetic operations (+, -, *, /). Each of the numbers can be used only once.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

The Art Of Falling Apart

There's quite an art to falling apart as the years go by,
And life doesn't begin at 40. That's a big fat lie.

My hair's getting thinner, my body is not;
The few teeth I have are beginning to rot.

I smell of Vick's-Vapo-Rub, not Chanel #5;
My new pacemaker's all that keeps me alive.

When asked of my past, every detail I'll know,
But what was I doing 10 minutes ago?

Well, you get the idea, what more can I say?
I'm off to read the obit, like I do every day;

If my name's not there, I'll once again start
Perfecting the art of falling apart!

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 26 November 2014
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

There was a beautiful young bl...

There was a beautiful young blonde at a soda machine in Vegas, and she arrived there just before a business man coming to quench his thirst.
She opened her purse and put in 50 cents, studied the machine a short while, pushed a Diet Coke selection, and out came a Diet Coke. She placed it on a counter next to the machine.
Then she reached in her purse again and pulled out a dollar and inserted it in the machine. Studying the machine carefully, she pushed the button for Coke Classic and out came a Coke Classic and 50 cents change.
She immediately took the 50 cents and put it in the machine, studied it for a moment and pushed the Mountain Dew button. Out came a Mountain Dew. She placed them both on the counter next to the Diet Coke.
As she was reaching into her purse again, the business man, who'd been waiting patiently for several minutes by then, spoke up. "Excuse me, miss, but are you done yet?"
She looked at him and indignantly asked, "Well Duh! Can't you see I'm still winning?"
#joke #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 20 November 2009
  • Currently 5.63/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (46)

Let's pretend

A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarrassment they both go to sleep, the man on the top bunk, the woman on the lower.

In the middle of the night the man leans over, wakes the woman and says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly get me another blanket?"

The woman leans out and, with a glint in her eye, says, " I have a better idea, just for tonight, let's make pretend that we're married."

The man says happily, "OK!" AWESOME!"

The woman says, "GOOD ....get your own darn blanket!!!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 20 November 2016
  • Currently 8.68/10

Rating: 8.7/10 (38)

Old Ladies and the Flasher

Three old ladies are sitting on a park bench when a flasher comes by and opens his trench coat right in front of them.
The first old lady has a stroke, the second old lady has a stroke, but the third old lady can't reach that far.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 20 November 2012
  • Currently 4.69/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (36)

Chuck Norris played Russian Ro...

Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 20 November 2011
  • Currently 3.30/10

Rating: 3.3/10 (33)

Hindu Happy Birthday

Q: What does a Hindu wish someone on their birthday?
A: May you have many happy returns.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 20 November 2009
  • Currently 3.90/10

Rating: 3.9/10 (21)

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