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Jokes of the day for Wednesday, 03 January 2018

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Wednesday, 03 January 2018

“I spent a summer wor

“I spent a summer working on a rabbit farm. It was a hare raising experience.”

#joke #short
  • Currently 3.75/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (8)

 South Dakota Crazy Law


  • Movies that show police officers being struck, beaten, or treated in an offensive manner are forbidden.
  • No horses are allowed into Fountain Inn unless they are wearing pants.
  • If there are more than 5 Native Americans on your property you may shoot them.
  • It is illegal to lie down and fall asleep in a cheese factory.

    Spearfish


  • If three or more Indians are walking down the street together, they can be considered a war party and fired upon.

    #joke
  • Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
    • Currently 2.00/10

    Rating: 2.0/10 (4)

    SLIDESHOW #124 - Funny Photo Slideshow

    The most Interest Word in the English Language – Hysterical

    #joke
    Joke | Source: Friars Club - For over 25 years the Sunshine Committee has been providing entertainment, companionship and love to children's and senior citizens centers in the NY area.
    • Currently 6.43/10

    Rating: 6.4/10 (14)

    A famed English explorer was i...

    A famed English explorer was invited to Dartmouth to tell of his adventures in the African jungle.
    "Can you imagine, a people so primitive that they love to eat the embryo of certain birds, and slices from the belly of certain animals? And grind up grass seed, make it into paste, burn it over a fire, then smear it with a greasy mess they extract from the mammary fluid of certain other animals?"
    When the students looked startled by such barbarism, the explorer added softly, "What I've been describing, of course, is a breakfast of bacon and eggs and buttered toast."
    #joke
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 06 December 2016
    • Currently 8.36/10

    Rating: 8.4/10 (14)

    Sam has been in business for 2...

    Sam has been in business for 25 years and is finally sick of the stress. He quits his job and buys 50 acres in Alaska as far from humanity as possible. He sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise it's total peace and quiet. After six months or so of almost total isolation, someone knocks on his door. He opens it and there's a big, bearded man standing there.
    "Name's Lars ...Your neighbor from forty miles away....Having a birthday party Friday ... Thought you might like to come. About 5...
    "Great," says Sam, "after six months out here I'm ready to meet some local folks. Thank you."
    As Lars is leaving, he stops. "Gotta warn you...There's gonna be some drinkin'."
    "Not a problem... after 25 years in business, I can drink with the best of em."
    Again, as he starts to leave, Lars stops. "More'n'likely gonna be some fightin' too."
    Sam says, "Well, I get along with people. I'll be there. Thanks again."
    Once again Lars turns from the door. "I've seen some wild sex at these parties, too."
    "Now that's really not a problem," says Sam. "I've been all alone for six months! I'll definitely be there. By the way, what should I bring?"
    Lars stops in the door again and says, "Whatever you want, just gonna be the two of us".
    #joke #friday
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 22 February 2015
    • Currently 8.92/10

    Rating: 8.9/10 (38)

    Procrastination

    My mother said, "You won't amount to anything because you procrastinate." I said, "Just wait."

    #joke #short
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 09 January 2015
    • Currently 7.13/10

    Rating: 7.1/10 (8)

    Nursery school teacher says to...

    Nursery school teacher says to her class, "Who can use the word 'Definitely' in a sentence?"

    First a little girl says "The sky is definitely blue"

    Teacher says, "Sorry, Amy, but the sky can be gray, or orange..."

    Second little boy..."Trees are definitely green"

    "Sorry, but in the autumn, the trees are brown."

    Little Johnny from the back of the class stands up and asks:

    "Does a fart have lumps?"

    The teacher looks horrified and says "Johnny! Of course not!!!"

    "OK...then I DEFINITELY shit my pants..."

    #joke
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 03 January 2010
    • Currently 6.04/10

    Rating: 6.0/10 (67)

    An Apocalyptic One-Liner

    Every time someone predicts the date of the end of the world, God pushes the date back a little just to be funny.

    #joke #short
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 03 January 2010
    • Currently 5.35/10

    Rating: 5.4/10 (57)

    Women and Men...

    WOMEN

    Women are honest, loyal, and forgiving. They are smart, knowing that knowledge is power. But they still know how to use their softer side to make a point.

    Women want to be the best for their family, their friends, and themselves. Their hearts break when a friend dies. They have sorrow at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left.

    A woman can make a romantic evening unforgettable.

    Women come in all sizes, in all colors and shapes. They live in homes, apartments and cabins. They drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care about you.

    The heart of a woman is what makes the world spin! Women do more than just give birth. They bring joy and hope. They give compassion and ideals.

    They give moral support to their family and friends. And all they want back is a hug, a smile and for you to do the same to people you come in contact with.

    MEN

    Men are good at lifting heavy stuff and killing spiders.

    #joke
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 03 January 2009
    • Currently 3.96/10

    Rating: 4.0/10 (49)

    Chuck Norris shot the sheriff,...

    Chuck Norris shot the sheriff, but he round house kicked the deputy.
    #joke #short #chucknorris
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 03 January 2012
    • Currently 3.61/10

    Rating: 3.6/10 (49)

    honest lawyer

    Two lawyers were in a coffee shop talking. One of the lawyers names was Thomas Strange. After a while their conversation became rather morbid, and they started to started to talk about what they were going to have on their tomb stones. Thomas said the he wasn't going to have his name put on his tomb stone, instead he was going have "Here lies the body of an honest lawyer!!!" "Why are you going to have that?"

    asked his friend.

    "Well", said Thomas, "When people are walking through the cemetery, and they see...Here lies the body of an honest lawyer. They will say "Oh...That's Strange".

    #joke #lawyer
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 03 January 2012
    • Currently 5.86/10

    Rating: 5.9/10 (43)

    Losing Weight

    A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program. The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign round her neck. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me." 

    Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later, huffing and puffing, he finally catches her and has his way with her. The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens. On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 10 lb. as promised. He then calls the company and orders their 5-day, 20 lb. program.
    The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life. She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, "If you can catch me you can have me."
    Well, he's out the door after her like a shot! This girl is in excellent shape and it takes him quite a while to catch her but when he does, it's definitely worth every muscle cramp and wheeze. So for the next four days the same routine happens. Much to his delight, on the fifth day he weighs himself only to discover that he has lost another 20 lb. as promised.
    He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day 50 lb. program. "Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone. "This is our most rigorous program."
    "Absolutely," he replies, "I haven't felt this good in years."

    The next day there's a knock at the door and when he opens it he finds this huge, muscular, 7ft man standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, "I'm Francis. If I catch you, you're mine...". 

    #joke
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 17 December 2014
    • Currently 7.44/10

    Rating: 7.4/10 (9)

    Help Me Please

    I think I may need professional help...
    A chef, a butler, and a maid should do it.

    #joke #short
    Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
    • Currently 9.50/10

    Rating: 9.5/10 (10)

    A Jewish Mother After Hanukkah

    A man received two sweaters for Hanukkah from his mother. The next time he visited her, he made sure to wear one of the two sweaters. As he entered her home, instead of the expected smile, she said, "What's the matter? You didn't like the other one?"
    #joke #short
    Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
    • Currently 9.69/10

    Rating: 9.7/10 (16)

    A woman said to her friend...

    A woman said to her friend, "I don't know what to do. My husband is such a mess maker that you can't imagine. He doesn't put anything in its place, I am always going around the house organizing things."
    The friend says, "Take a tip from me. The first week after we were married I told my husband firmly, 'Every glass and plate that you take, wash when you are done and put back in its place.'"
    The first woman asked, "Did it help?"
    Her friend said, "I don't know. I haven't seen him since."
    #joke
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 11 January 2017
    • Currently 7.71/10

    Rating: 7.7/10 (14)

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