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Jokes of the day for Friday, 29 June 2018

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Friday, 29 June 2018

Emergency Landing

At 8 p.m. one night, a pilot who had run out of fuel made an emergency landing at a top-secret government base. He was quickly surrounded by security and taken inside to be interrogated. The interrogation was grueling because they wanted to make sure it was an unplanned landing and he was not a spy.
The interrogation lasted all night. At 6 a.m. they refueled his plane and let him go with his promise never to return. Four hours later he returned and landed again.
Security met him on the runway. They asked him why he had come back.
'I know I promised never to return but I brought my wife and now you have to tell her where I was all night...'

#joke
Joke | Source: Friars Club - For over 25 years the Sunshine Committee has been providing entertainment, companionship and love to children's and senior citizens centers in the NY area.
  • Currently 7.91/10

Rating: 7.9/10 (11)

“In the deli, I learn

“In the deli, I learnt the finer aspics of making jello salad.”

#joke #short
  • Currently 2.86/10

Rating: 2.9/10 (7)

SLIDESHOW #113 - Funny Photo Slideshow

Guess Who Knows The State Capitals?

A dumb blonde was bragging about her knowledge of the state capitals of the United States. She proudly announced, "go ahead, ask me any of the capitals, I know all of them."
A red head said, "O.K., what's the capital of Wyoming?" The blonde replied, "Oh, that's easy, 'W'."
#joke #blonde
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 8.00/10

Rating: 8.0/10 (7)

God is Watching

Children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, "Take only one, God is watching." At the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. Moving through the line a boy wrote another note to leave by the cookies, "Take all you want, God is watching the apples."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 14 May 2018
  • Currently 8.00/10

Rating: 8.0/10 (16)

A cattle farmer went into town

A cattle farmer went into town on a Saturday night for a sit-down steak dinner. When the waiter brought him his steak it was rare -- very rare. The cow-puncher looked at it and demanded that it be returned to the kitchen and cooked.
"It is cooked," snapped the waiter.
"Cooked -- nothing," replied the cow-farmer. "I've seen cows injured worse than this and recover!"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 21 July 2017
  • Currently 5.43/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (7)

Birth control pills

An elderly woman went into the doctor's office. When the doctor asked why she was there, she replied, "I'd like to have some birth-control pills."

Taken aback, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, "Excuse me, Mrs. Smith, but you're 72 years old. What possible use could you have for birth control pills?"

The woman responded, "They help me sleep better."

The doctor thought some more and continued, "How in the world do birth control pills help you to sleep?"

The woman said, "Simple. I put them in my granddaughter's orange juice every morning and I sleep better at night."

#joke #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 05 July 2015
  • Currently 8.69/10

Rating: 8.7/10 (52)

Dilbert's Salary Theorem stat

Dilbert's Salary Theorem states that Engineers and scientists can never earn as much as business executives and sales people. This theorem can now be supported by a mathematical equation based on the following two postulates:
Postulate 1: Knowledge is Power.
Postulate 2: Time is Money.
As every engineer knows: Power = Work / Time
Since: Knowledge = Power,
then Knowledge = Work/Time,
and Time = Money,
then Knowledge = Work/Money.
Solving for Money, we get: Money = Work / Knowledge.
Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, money approaches infinity, regardless of the amount of work done.
Conclusion: The less you know, the more you make. Bummer.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 06 May 2015
  • Currently 5.79/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (14)

Before he forgot a gift for Ch...

Before he forgot a gift for Chuck Norris, Santa Claus was real.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 29 June 2011
  • Currently 3.52/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (54)

God Takes a Holiday

Chuckling, God remarked, "Are you kidding? Two thousand years ago I went there, had an affair with some nice Jewish girl, and they're STILL talking about it!"

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 29 June 2010
  • Currently 3.70/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (46)

Jim Gaffigan: Bottled Water

How did we get to the point where were paying for bottled water? That must have been some weird marketing meeting over in France. Some French guys sitting there, like, How dumb do I think the Americans are? I bet you we could sell those idiots water.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 29 June 2011
  • Currently 5.30/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (44)

No ball room

Q. What do tight pants and a cheap motel have in common?

A. No ball room

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 29 June 2011
  • Currently 5.20/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (40)

Sue Over The Property


Did you know that heaven and hell are actually right next to each other? They are seperated by a big chain-link fence. Well, one day hell was having a big party and it got a little out of hand. God heard the ruckus and arrived to find his fence completely smashed by the wild partiers. He called the devil over and said "Look, Satan, you have to rebuild this fence." Satan agreed. The next day God noticed that the devil had completely rebuilt the fence...but it was 2 feet further into heaven than before.
"Satan!" beckoned God. "You have to take that fence down and put it back where it belongs!"
"Yeah? What if I don't?" replied the devil.
"I'll sue you if I have to," answered God.
"Sure," laughed Satan. "Where are you going to find a lawyer?"
#joke #lawyer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 29 June 2011
  • Currently 4.58/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (38)

Yes, Theo

"Yes, Theo, what is it?" asked the teacher.

"I don’t wan to alarm you, Miss Davis, but my dad said if I don't get better grades, someone was going to be in big trouble."

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 9.30/10

Rating: 9.3/10 (20)

Stolen Car

A drunk phoned the police to report that thieves had broken in to his car.
"They've stolen the dashboard, steering wheel, break pedal, even the accelerator," he cried out.


However, before the police investigation could get under way the phone rang a second time, with the same voice came over the line. "Never mind," said the drunk with a hiccup, "I got in the backseat by mistake."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 24 February 2014
  • Currently 8.26/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (42)

Teacher: Suppose, I give you 2...

Teacher: Suppose, I give you 2 dogs. Then I again give you 2 dogs. How many will you have?
Student: 5.
Teacher: How?
Student: I have a dog in my house now.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 8.92/10

Rating: 8.9/10 (13)

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