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Jokes of the day for Sunday, 01 July 2018

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Sunday, 01 July 2018

A female truck driver was pull

A female truck driver was pulled over by a state trooper. The patrolman told her to get out of the truck and noticed that the driver appeared to be putting something in her mouth as she stepped out of the cab. Figuring that the driver was getting rid of her speed pills, the patrolman asked, "Did I just see you swallow something?"
"Yep, that was my birth control pill," said the driver.
"Birth control pill?" asked the patrolman.
"Yep, when I saw your lights, I knew I was screwed."
#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (4)

Number 10
Life is sexua

Number 10
Life is sexually transmitted.
Number 9
Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
Number 8
Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny.If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
Number 7
Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day;teach a person to use the Internet, and they won't bother you for weeks.
Number 6
Some people are like a Slinky ....Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.
Number 5
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals, dying of nothing.
Number 4
All of us could take a lesson from the weather.It pays no attention to criticism.
Number 3
Why does a 'slight' tax increase cost you $200.00, and a 'substantial' tax cut saves you $30.00?
Number 2
In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird.Now the world is weird, and people take Prozac to make it normal.
And The Number 1 Thought
"Life is like a jar of Jalapeno peppers:
What you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow!
#joke
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 7.20/10

Rating: 7.2/10 (5)

SLIDESHOW #89 - Funny Photo Slideshow

 The Cesium Song 09


It's So Easy
(Tune, It's so Easy)
It's with Cesium I'm in love!
It's with Cesium I'm in love!
People say that I'm a fool,
When I take my Cesium into the pool.
And it's so easy,
So doggone easy,
Yes it's so easy,
Where my love's concerned,
To get myself burned.
But it's with Cesium I'm in love,
It's with Cesium I'm in love!
I look into her flame and see,
A sky-blue light floodin' over me.
Though it's so easy,
So doggone easy,
Yeah it's so easy,
When she's concerned,
To get myself burned.
Still it's with Cesium I'm in love,
It's with Cesium I'm in love!
---Songs of Cesium #87

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 2.86/10

Rating: 2.9/10 (7)

Pork at a July 4th Picnic

A priest and a rabbi met at the annual July 4th picnic. They were old friends and loved to tease one another. "This baked ham is really good,” said the priest. “You really ought to break down and try some.”"I will, I will,” replies the rabbi, smiling, “at your wedding.”
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 8.14/10

Rating: 8.1/10 (22)

Emergency Landing

At 8 p.m. one night, a pilot who had run out of fuel made an emergency landing at a top-secret government base. He was quickly surrounded by security and taken inside to be interrogated. The interrogation was grueling because they wanted to make sure it was an unplanned landing and he was not a spy.
The interrogation lasted all night. At 6 a.m. they refueled his plane and let him go with his promise never to return. Four hours later he returned and landed again.
Security met him on the runway. They asked him why he had come back.
'I know I promised never to return but I brought my wife and now you have to tell her where I was all night...'

#joke
Joke | Source: Friars Club - For over 25 years the Sunshine Committee has been providing entertainment, companionship and love to children's and senior citizens centers in the NY area.
  • Currently 7.91/10

Rating: 7.9/10 (11)

“In the deli, I learn

“In the deli, I learnt the finer aspics of making jello salad.”

#joke #short
  • Currently 2.86/10

Rating: 2.9/10 (7)

Company picnic...

A wife chewed out her husband at the company picnic a while back. "Doesn't it embarrass you that people have seen you go up to the buffet table five times?"

"Not a bit," the husband replied. "I just tell them I'm filling up the plate for you....!"

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 07 July 2015
  • Currently 8.92/10

Rating: 8.9/10 (13)

John Oliver: Falling in Love with America

It was like falling in love with a girl who was just throwing up all over herself -- softly holding her hair back and whispering to her that everything was going to be alright. To me, thats what the last eight years were like, here in America: projectile vomiting all over yourself as the rest of the world rubbed your back, saying, Sssshhh, thats it. Let it all out.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 01 July 2010
  • Currently 4.33/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (51)

An old man lived alone in Idah...

An old man lived alone in Idaho. He wanted to spade his potato garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, Bubba, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.
Dear Bubba:
I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me.
Love, Dad
A few days later, he received a letter from his son.
Dear Dad:
For heaven's sake, Dad, don't dig up that garden. That's where I buried the BODIES.
Love, Bubba
At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local Police showed up and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left.
That same day, the old man received another letter from his son.
Dear Dad:
Go ahead and plant the potatoes now. It's the best I could do under the circumstances.
Love, Bubba
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 01 July 2015
  • Currently 8.96/10

Rating: 9.0/10 (48)

French fries

There was once a sheep farmer who had a French farmhand working with him to help castrate his sheep.

As the farmer castrated the first sheep, the French farmhand took the parts and was about to throw them into the trash.

"No!" yelled the farmer, "Don't throw those away! My wife fries them up, and we eat them, they're delicious! They're called Sheep Fries!"

The farmhand saved the parts and took them to the farmer's wife who cooked them up for supper. This went on for three days....and each evening they had Sheep Fries for supper.

On the fourth night the farmer came in to the house for supper.

He asked his wife where the farmhand was, and she replied, "It's the strangest thing! When he came in and asked what was for supper, I told him French Fries, and he ran like hell!"

Submitted by Calamjo

EDited by Tanilazing

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 01 July 2011
  • Currently 5.17/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (42)

Ralphie May - Dora the Explorer

Have you seen this show? If you havent, its about a five-year-old little Mexican girl thats always lost. It should be called Dora the Amber Alert.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 01 July 2012
  • Currently 3.80/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (41)

Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer

A Russian couple was walking down the street in St. Petersburg the other night, when the man felt a drop hit his nose. "I think it's raining," he said to his wife.

"No, that felt more like snow to me," she replied. "No, I'm sure it was just rain, he said." Well, as these things go, they were about to have a major argument about whether it was raining or snowing. Just then they saw a minor communist party official walking toward them. "Let's not fight about it," the man said, "let's ask Comrade Rudolph whether it's officially raining or snowing."

As the official approached, the man said, "Tell us, Comrade Rudolph, is it officially raining or snowing?"

"It's raining, of course," he answered and walked on. But the woman insisted: "I know that felt like snow!" To which the man quietly replied: "Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 01 July 2010
  • Currently 5.53/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (38)

The toilet at my local police...

The toilet at my local police station has been stolen. The cops have nothing to go on.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 16 July 2015
  • Currently 8.47/10

Rating: 8.5/10 (15)

The Forgotten Name

Two old friends met by chance on the street.
After chatting for some time one said to the other, "I'm terribly sorry, but I've forgotten your name. You'll need to tell me".
The other stared at him thoughtfully for a long time, then replied, "How soon do you need to know?"

#joke
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 9.22/10

Rating: 9.2/10 (18)

Virgin wife

A recently married couple retire to their honeymoon suite. Before hopping into bed the bride says, "Now honey, you'll be gentle with me won't you. You know that I'm still a virgin."

This clearly surprises the man, "What are you saying. Aren't I your third husband?"

The woman replied, "Yes, but my first husband was a psychologist and all he liked to do was talk about it. My second husband was a gynecologist and all he liked to do was look at it. Since you're a lawyer, I'm pretty sure that I'm gonna get screwed!"

#joke #lawyer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 16 February 2016
  • Currently 7.09/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (11)

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