Join us on WhatsApp
Join us on Viber

Jokes of the day for Monday, 01 October 2018

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Monday, 01 October 2018

Speeding Ticket

A driver is pulled over by a policeman. The police man approaches the driver's door.

"Is there a problem Officer?"

The policeman says, "Sir, you were speeding. Can I see your license please?"

The driver responds, "I'd give it to you but I don't have one."

"You don't have one?"

The man responds, "I lost it four times for drink driving."

The policeman is shocked. "I see. Can I see your vehicle registration papers please?"

"I'm sorry, I can't do that."

The policeman says, "Why not?"

"I stole this car."

The officer says, "Stole it?"

The man says, "Yes, and I killed the owner."

At this point the officer is getting irate. "You what!?"

"She's in the boot if you want to see."

The Officer looks at the man and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes, five police cars show up, surrounding the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

The senior officer says "Sir, could you step out of your vehicle please!"

The man steps out of his vehicle. "Is there a problem sir?"

"One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner."

"Murdered the owner?"

The officer responds, "Yes, could you please open the boot of your car please?"

The man opens the boot, revealing nothing but an empty boot.

The officer says, "Is this your car sir?"

The man says "Yes," and hands over the registration papers.

The officer, understandably, is quite stunned. "One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license."

The man digs in his pocket revealing a wallet and hands it to the officer. The officer opens the wallet and examines the license. He looks quite puzzled. "Thank you sir, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, stole this car, and murdered the owner."

The man replies, "I bet you the lying bastard told you I was speeding, too!"

Also Found on http://www.moc-pages.com 'Jokes and Puns #3' Conversation of i Brick group, posted by King Jaspin on September 26, 2015

#joke #policeman
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 8.94/10

Rating: 8.9/10 (47)

“Getting the knights

“Getting the knights ready for battle went down to the squire.”

#joke #short
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (4)

SLIDESHOW #85 - Funny Photo Slideshow

A husband and wife were sittin

A husband and wife were sitting around one day drinking a bottle ofwine. The husband turns to his wife and says, "I bet you can't tell mesomething that will make me both happy and sad at the same time."
After thinking about it a few minutes the wife looks at her husband andsays, "Your pecker is bigger than your brothers!"
#joke
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 9.00/10

Rating: 9.0/10 (5)

 Knock Knock Collection 008


Knock Knock
Who's there?
Alice!
Alice who?
I'm Alice chasing rainbows....!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Alison!
Alison who?
Alison it's dark outside!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Allan!
Allan who!
Allan-d of Manhattan!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Allegra!
Allegra who?
Allegra is broken!

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Alli!
Alli who?
Alligator, that's who!

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 1.50/10

Rating: 1.5/10 (8)

Why’re You Always Telling Jokes About Jews?

Two men sitting on a train are talking. One guy says, "Did you hear the one about the two Jews who are walking down the street..."The other guy says, "Hold it! Why are you always telling jokes about Jews? I find it offensive. Why must they always be about Jews?""You're right," his friend replies and starts the joke again: "So, these two Chinese guys are walking down the street on the way to their nephew's bar mitzvah..."
#joke
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 5.40/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (5)

Panic at the hotel

It was three o'clock in the morning, and the receptionist at a posh hotel was just dozing off, when a little old lady came running towards her, screaming. "Please come quickly," she yelled, "I just saw a naked man outside my window!"

The receptionist immediately rushed up to the old lady's room. "Where is he?" asked the receptionist.

"He's over there," replied the little old lady, pointing to an apartment building opposite the hotel. The receptionist looked over and could see a man with no shirt on, moving around his apartment. "It's probably a man who's getting ready to go to bed," she said reassuringly. "And how do you know he's naked, you can only see him from the waist up?"

"The dresser, honey!" screamed the old lady. "Try standing on the dresser!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 07 October 2015
  • Currently 7.13/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (8)

Once upon a time, a man appear...

Once upon a time, a man appeared in a village and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for $10 each.
The villagers, knowing there were many monkeys, went to the forest and started catching them. The man bought thousands at $10 each and, as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort.
He then announced that he would buy monkeys at $20 each. This renewed the villagers efforts and they started catching monkeys again.
Soon, the supply diminished and people started going back to their farms. The offer increased to $25 each and the supply of monkeys became so scarce it was an effort to even find a monkey, let alone catch it!
The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at $50 each! However, since he had to go to the big city on some business, his assistant would buy on his behalf.
The assistant told the villagers, "Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that my boss has already collected. I will sell them to you at $35 and when my boss returns, you can sell them to him for $50."
The villagers rounded up all their savings and bought all the monkeys for 700 billion dollars.
They never saw the man or his assistant again, only lots and lots of monkeys!
Now you have a better understanding of how the
WALL STREET BAILOUT PLAN WORKS!!!
It doesn't get much clearer than this........
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 01 October 2016
  • Currently 7.78/10

Rating: 7.8/10 (55)

Chuck Norris uses 8'x10' sheet...

Chuck Norris uses 8'x10' sheets of plywood as toilet paper.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 01 October 2011
  • Currently 3.55/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (44)

Texas

At the urging of his doctor, Bill moved to Texas.

After settling in, he met a neighbor who was also an older man.

“Say, is this really a healthy place?”

“It sure is,” the man replied.

“When I first arrived here I couldn't say one word. I had hardly any hair on my head. I didn't have the strength to walk across a room and I had to be lifted out of bed.”

“That's wonderful!” said Bill. “How long have you been here?”

“I was born here.”

#joke #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 01 October 2011
  • Currently 6.95/10

Rating: 6.9/10 (37)

Climb The Pole

A group of guys were chatting with a good-looking blonde and, somewhat improbably, asked her to climb this pole that was conveniently nearby.

For whatever reason, she decided to do it.

When she told her mother what happened, her mother scolded her:

"Don't you understand that they only wanted to see your underwear?"

The girl was understandably upset at being very stupid and naive, and decided to show those boys a thing or two.

The next day, they repeated their request, and when she came home she was beaming.

"What are you so happy about?" asked her mother.

"I totally showed them. Today I didn't even WEAR underwear!"

#joke #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 01 October 2010
  • Currently 6.67/10

Rating: 6.7/10 (36)

Geraniums....

"I'm sorry," said the clerk in flower shop, "we don't have potted geraniums. Could you use African violets instead?"

Replied the customer sadly, "No, it was geraniums my wife told me to water while she was gone."

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 01 October 2017
  • Currently 8.90/10

Rating: 8.9/10 (21)

What is the difference between

What is the difference between a good and a bad girl?
A good girl goes to a party, goes home then goes to bed.
A bad girl goes to a party, goes to bed then goes home.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 04 March 2018
  • Currently 4.33/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (12)

Friday vs Monday

Friday vs Monday
#joke #short #friday #monday
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 09 October 2015
  • Currently 8.75/10

Rating: 8.8/10 (4)

A Lesson – How to Find the Best Airline Price

I couldn’t decide whether to go to Salt Lake City or Denver for vacation, so I called the airlines to get prices. “Airfare to Denver is $300,” the cheery salesperson replied.
“And what about Salt Lake City?”
“We have a really great rate to Salt Lake—$99,” she said, “but there is a stopover.”
“Where?”
“In Denver,” she said.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 25 October 2017
  • Currently 7.13/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (8)

Good are you at PowerPoint?

- Boss: "How good are you at PowerPoint?"

- Me: "I Excel at it."

- Boss: "Was that a Microsoft Office pun?"

Me: "Word"

#joke #pun #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 6.80/10

Rating: 6.8/10 (10)

Jokes Archive

NOTE: All jokes on this web site are property of the sites they are collected from. Web site Jokes of the day is not responsible for content of jokes. We are not trying to offend, just looking for a good laugh!! If you are offended by any of the jokes, please complain to the site jokes are coming from.
This site uses cookies to store information on your computer. Some are essential to help the site properly. Others give us insight into how the site is used and help us to optimize the user experience. See our privacy policy.