Jokes of the day for Friday, 19 October 2018
|Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Friday, 19 October 2018|
“The man working in a
“The man working in a dowel factory has his job pegged.”
Adam & Eve Jokes for KidsQ. At what time of day was Adam created?A. A little before Eve. Q. Did Eve never have a date with Adam?A. No, it was an apple. Q. Where is the first math problem mentioned in the Bible?A. When God told Adam and Eve to go forth and multiply.
HahahahahahaThe joke is:
How To Annoy Your Co-Workers...1) Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
2) Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly thesame outfits. Wear them one day after your boss does. Thisis especially effective if your boss is a different gender thanyou.
3) Make up nicknames for all your co-workers and refer tothem only by these names. 'That's a good point, Sparky.''No, I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to disagree with youthere, Cha-cha.'
4) Send e-mail to the rest of the company telling themexactly what you're doing. For example: 'If anyone needsme, I'll be in the bathroom.'
5) Hi-Lite your shoes. Tell people you haven't lost them asmuch since you did this.
6) While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in Palmolive.Call everyone Madge.
7) Hang mosquito netting around your cubicle. When youemerge to get coffee, a printout, or whatever, slap yourself atrandom the whole way.
8) Put a chair facing a printer. Sit there all day and tellpeople you're waiting for your document.
9) Every time someone asks you to do something, anything,ask him or her if they want fries with that.
10) Send e-mail back and forth to yourself, engagingyourself in an intellectual debate. Forward the mail to aco-worker and ask her to settle the disagreement.
11) Encourage your colleagues to join you in a littlesynchronized chair-dancing.
12) Put your trash can on your desk. Label it 'IN'.
13) Develope an unnatural and hysterical fear of staplers.
14) Send e-mail messages saying there's free pizza,donuts, or cake in the lunchroom. When people drift back towork complaining that they found none, lean back, pat yourstomach, and say, 'Oh you've got to be faster than that.'
15) Put decaf in the coffeemaker for three weeks. Onceeveryone has withdrawn from caffeine addiction, switch toespresso.
A man and his wife were drivinA man and his wife were driving through country on his way from New York toCalifornia.
Looking at his fuel gauge, he decided to stop at the next gasoline station andfill up. About 15 minutes later, he spots a Mobil station and pulls over to thehigh octane pump.
"What can I do for ya'll?" asks the attendant. "Fill 'er up with high test,"replies the driver. While the attendant is filling up the tank, he's lookingthe car up and down.
"What kinda car is this?" he asks. "I never seen one like it before."
"Well," responds the driver, his chest swelling up with pride, "This, my boy isa 1999 Cadillac DeVille."
"What all's it got in it?" asks the attendant.
"Well," says the driver, "It has everything. It's loaded with power steering,power seats, power sun roof, power mirrors, AM/FM radio with a 10 deck CDplayer in the trunk with 100 watts per channel, 8 speaker stereo, rack andpinion steering, disk brakes all around, leather interior, digital instrumentpackage, and best of all, a 8.8 liter V12 engine."
"Wow," says the attendant, "That's really something!"
"How much do I owe you for the gasoline?" asks the driver.
"That'll be $30.17," says the attendant.
The driver pulls out his money clip and peels off a $20 and a $10. He goes intohis other pocket and pulls out a handful of change. Mixed up with the changeare a few golf tees.
"What are those little wooden things?" asks the attendant.
"That's what I put my balls on when I drive," says the driver.
"Wow," says the attendant, "Those Cadillac people think of everything!"
MAGIC SQUARE: Calculate A+B+C
A girl was visiting her blonde...A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were.
The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.
Her friend said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?'
'HELLLOOOOOOO......,' answered the blonde. 'They're watch dogs'!
Good news...bad news...
"I have good news and bad news," a defense attorney told his client.
"First the bad news: The blood test came back, and your DNA is an exact match with the sample found on the victim's dress."
"Oh, no - I'm ruined!" cried the client. "What's the good news?"
"Your cholesterol is down to 140!"
Afraid of the DarkA little boy was afraid of the dark. One night his mother told him to go out to the back porch and bring her the broom.
The little boy turned to his mother and said, "Mama, I don't want to go out there. It's dark."
The mother smiled reassuringly at her son. "You don't have to be afraid of the dark," she explained. "Jesus is out there. He'll look after you and protect you."
The little boy looked at his mother real hard and asked, "Are you sure he's out there?"
"Yes, I'm sure. He is everywhere, and he is always ready to help you when you need him," she said.
The little boy thought about that for a minute and then went to the back door and cracked it a little. Peering out into the darkness, he called, "Jesus? If you're out there, would you please hand me the broom?"