Jokes of the day for Friday, 09 November 2018
|Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Friday, 09 November 2018|
“What is a shoe repai
“What is a shoe repairman's favorite dessert? Cobbler.”
Bank Robber Stealing
The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.
LOS ANGELES TIMES, December 9:
A man walked into a branch of the Antelope Valley Bank and handed a teller a note demanding money. The man had one hand in his pocket, as if holding a gun, so the teller began handing over the contents of her cash drawer.
When she had forked over $7,000 the robber said, "That's enough" and walked out the door. It's hard to find a bank robber who knows when he's had enough.
All About AdamWandering dejectedly in The Garden of Eden, Eve told God, "I'm lonely I'm tired of eating apples by myself.""Okay," God said, "I'll create a man for you."Eve said, "A man! What's that?""He's a creature with aggressive tendencies and an enormous ego. He won't listen very well, he'll get lost easily, but never stop to ask for directions. However, he is big and strong, he can open jars and hunt animals. And he'll be fun in bed.""Sounds great!" said Eve."Oh, and one more thing," God said. "He will want to believe that I made HIM first."
A newly ordained priest, nervo...A newly ordained priest, nervous about hearing confessions, finally asks an older priest to observe how he does and give some tips. After listening in on the second confession, the older priest suggested that the younger man fold his arms, maybe rub his chin with one hand while saying phrases like "I see" or "I understand" or "Yes, my child. Go on".
The young priest puts the suggestions into practice and later tells the older priest how much it has helped getting more information from his flock.
"You've done well," said the older man. "Isn't that much better than slapping your knee and yelling 'No way! What happened next?'"
Two engineering students meet...Two engineering students meet on campus one day.The first engineer calls out to the other, "Hey -- Nice bike!Where did you get it?"
"Well," replies the other, "I was walking to class theother day when this pretty, young co-ed rides up onthis bike. She jumps off, takes off all of her clothes,and says 'You can have ANYTHING you want!!' "
"Good choice," says the first, "her clothes wouldn'thave fit you anyway."
Four Jewish brothers left home for college, and eventually, they became successful doctors, and lawyers -- and prospered.
Some years later, they chatted after having dinner together. They discussed the gifts that they were able to give to their elderly mother, who lived far away in another city.
The first said, 'I had a big house built for Mama'.
The second said, I had a hundred thousand dollar theatre built in the house. The third said, 'I had my Mercedes dealer deliver her a SL 600 with a chauffeur.'
The fourth said, 'Listen to this. You know how Mama loved reading the Torah and you know she can't anymore because she can't see very well. I met this Rabbi who told me about a parrot that can recite the entire Torah. It took twenty rabbis 12 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $100,000 a year for twenty years to the temple, but it was worth it. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse and the parrot will recite it.' The other brothers were impressed.
After the holidays Mama sent out her Thank You notes.
She wrote: Milton -- Bubbileh, the house you built is so huge, I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house. Thanks anyway.
Marvin -- Mine Sheyne Kindele, I am too old to travel. I stay home. I have my groceries delivered, so I never use the Mercedes and the driver you hired is a Nazi. The thought was good. Thanks.
Irving Tataleh, you give me an expensive theatre with Dolby sound, it could hold 50 people, but all my friends are dead. I've lost my hearing and I'm nearly blind. I'll never use it. Thank you for the gesture just the same.
Dearest Melvin --you were the only son to have the good sense to give a little thought to your gift. The Chicken was delicious!!!
Find the right combination
Three sons left home, went out...Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. They discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother.
The first said: "I built a big house for our mother."
The second said: "I sent her a Mercedes with a driver."
The third said: "You remember how our mother enjoys reading the Bible. Now she can't see very well. So I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took elders in the church 12 years to teach him. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse and the parrot recites it."
Soon thereafter, their mother sent out her letters of thanks. "William," she said, "the house you built is so huge. I live only in one room, but I have to clean the whole house.
"Arnold," she said, "I am too old to travel. I stay most of the time at home so I rarely use the Mercedes. And that driver is so rude! He's a pain!"
"But David," she said, "the chicken was delicious!"
Louis Katz: Hippie RoommateI made the mistake of moving in with a hippie. Hippie roommate -- horrible mistake. Apparently, when they say peace and love, what they really mean is filthy and annoying.
Q. What did the penis say to the condom?
A. "Cover me. I'm going in."
An angry wife to her husband o...An angry wife to her husband on phone: "Where the hell are you?"
Husband: "Darling, you remember that jewelery shop where you saw the diamond necklace and totally fell in love with it, and I didn't have money that time, and I said 'Baby it'll be yours one day'?"
Wife, with a smile and blushing: "Yeah I remember that my love!"
Husband: "I'm in the pub just next to that shop."