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Jokes of the day for Friday, 14 December 2018

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Friday, 14 December 2018

“After a gruelling wo

“After a gruelling workout the boxer was so tired he decided to drink a glass of punch and hit the sack.”

#joke #short
  • Currently 4.08/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (13)

 Answering Machine Message 39


Hello. This is Nonoxynol-9, the personal and private telephone number of Mikhail Vladivostok Gorbachev, General Secretary of the Supreme Council of the glorious Communist Party of the Union of Sovjet Socialist Republics, Commander-In-Chief of the Combined Armies of the Proletariat Peoples of Russia, First Citizen of the Order of Lenin, Supreme Patron of the Soviet Institute of Literature and Domestic Sciences, President of the Soviet People's Council of Peace and Happiness and Captain of the Kremlin B Squash Team. But hey, call me Mike.

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

SLIDESHOW #29 - Funny Photo Slideshow

12 Italian Priests

Twelve Italian priests were about to be ordained. The final test was for them to line-up in a straight row, totally nude, in a garden while a sexy, beautiful, big breasted, nude model danced before them.
Each priest had a small bell attached to his manhood, and they were told that anyone whose bell rang when she danced in front of them would not be ordained because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity. The beautiful model danced before the first candidate with no reaction. She proceeded down the line with the same response from all the priests until she got to the final priest, Carlos.
Poor Carlos. As she danced, his bell began to ring so loudly that it flew off, clattering across the ground and laid to rest in nearby foliage. Embarrassed, Carlos quickly scrambled to where the bell came to rest.
He bent over to pick it up... and all the other bells started to ring.

#joke
Joke | Source: Friars Club - For over 25 years the Sunshine Committee has been providing entertainment, companionship and love to children's and senior citizens centers in the NY area.
  • Currently 6.15/10

Rating: 6.2/10 (13)

Little Johnny and the teacher

Teacher: Johnny, give me a sentence starting with "I".

Little Johnny: I is...

Teacher: No, Little Johnny. Always say "I am."

Little Johnny: All right. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 20 December 2015
  • Currently 7.71/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (14)

Heaven and Hell

A young woman came home and told her mom that her steady boyfriend had proposed, but she had turned him down because she found out he was an atheist, and didn't believe in Heaven or Hell. "Marry him anyway, honey. Between the two of us, we'll show him just how very wrong he is."
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 20 October 2015
  • Currently 6.27/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (11)

One day, a man at a restaurant...

One day, a man at a restaurant suddenly called out, "Help! My son's choking! He swallowed a quarter! Please, anyone! Help!"
A man from a nearby table stood up and announced that he was quite experienced at this sort of thing. He casually walked over, wrapped his arms around the boy's abdomen and squeezed.
Out popped the quarter.
The man then went back to his table as though nothing had happened.
"Thank you! Thank you!" the father cried. "Are you a paramedic?"
"No," replied the man. "I work for the IRS."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 05 June 2015
  • Currently 8.25/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (8)

It's wise to remember how easi...

It's wise to remember how easily this wonderful technology canbe misused, sometimes unintentionally, with serious consequences.
Consider the case of the Illinois man who left the snow-filledstreets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on abusiness trip and was planning to meet him there the next day.When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife aquicke-mail. Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he hadwritten her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in frommemory.
Unfortunately, he missed one letter, and his note was directedinstead to an elderly preacher's wife, whose husband had passedaway only the day before. When the grieving widow checked here-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercingscream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint.
At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this noteon the screen:
Dearest Wife,
Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrivaltomorrow.
PS. Sure is hot down here.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 14 December 2009
  • Currently 5.11/10

Rating: 5.1/10 (66)

sdfgdf

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#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 14 December 2011
  • Currently 3.35/10

Rating: 3.3/10 (52)

One day The Lord came to Adam ...

One day The Lord came to Adam to pass on some news. "I've got some good news and some bad news," The Lord said.

Adam looked at The Lord and said, "Well, give me the good news first."

Smiling, The Lord explained, "I've got two new organs for you. One is called a brain. It will allow you to create new things, solve problems, and have intelligent conversations with Eve. The other organ I have for you is called a penis. It will give you great physical pleasure and allow you to reproduce your now intelligent life form and populate this planet. Eve will be very happy that you now have this organ to give her children."

Adam, very excited, exclaimed, "These are great gifts you have given to me. What could possibly be bad news after such great tidings?"

The Lord looked upon Adam and said with great sorrow, "You will never be able to use these two gifts at the same time."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 14 December 2010
  • Currently 8.09/10

Rating: 8.1/10 (46)

Godzilla is a Japanese renditi...

Godzilla is a Japanese rendition of Chuck Norris' first visit to Tokyo.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 14 December 2011
  • Currently 3.86/10

Rating: 3.9/10 (36)

In the Beginning…

In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth, and then He rested.
Then God created man, and then they both rested.
Then God created woman, and since then neither God nor man has ever rested.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 22 January 2010
  • Currently 6.55/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (62)

Be silly. Be fun. Be different. Be crazy. Be you

Be silly. Be fun. Be different. Be crazy. Be you, because life is too short to be anything but happy.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 07 August 2016
  • Currently 4.67/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (6)

Good Impression

An older man, not in the best physical condition, asked the trainer in the gym, "I want to impress that beautiful girl. Which machine should I use?"
The trainer replied...
"Use the ATM machine outside the gym!"
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 16 May 2011
  • Currently 8.20/10

Rating: 8.2/10 (10)

Long lines everywhere

There was a guy in high school that landed a date with the hottest girl in class for the prom.
First, he went to pick out a suit, and had to wait in a huge line.
Then he went and picked out flowers, and waited in a huge line.
Even when he called around for limo's, he had to wait in hold lines for all of them.
Getting ready for after the prom, there was even a long line at the pharmacy.
Finally the big night arrives and he takes his dance to the prom. When they get there, he asks his date if she wants him to get drink and she says yes.
Much to his surprise, there was no punch line.
#joke
Joke | Source: John Chris - Funny jokes collected from all around
  • Currently 5.43/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (7)

Dentist Nurse (video)

Dentist Nurse - SAY CHEESE

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 23 June 2015
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (4)

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