Join us on WhatsApp
Join us on Viber

Jokes of the day for Thursday, 03 January 2019

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Thursday, 03 January 2019

“Reverend Spooner, wh

“Reverend Spooner, who spent his college days in poverty, was a flat broke frat bloke.”

#joke #short
  • Currently 3.60/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (5)

A police officer pulls over a...

A police officer pulls over a driver and informs him that he has just won $5,000 in a safety competition, all because he is wearing his seat belt.
"What are you going to do with the prize money?" the officer asks.
The man responds, "I guess I'll go to driving school and get my license."
His wife says, "Officer, don't listen to him. He's a smart aleck when he's drunk."
The guy in the back seat pops up out from under the blanket and says, "I knew we wouldn't get far in this stolen car."
Just then a knock comes from the trunk and a voice calls out, "Are we over the border yet?"
#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 7.62/10

Rating: 7.6/10 (21)

SLIDESHOW #81 - Funny Photo Slideshow

 A Collection Of Insults


A brief synopsis... When you're at a loss for words but want to tell someone that he or she is stupid, remember some these quips from our collection here at Aha! Jokes.


His home planet is flat.
His IQ is a false positive.
His jack can't get the car off the ground.
His mind is a few Hertz off its assigned frequency.
His mind is great at error magnification.
His mind is less substantial than the Emperor's new clothes.
His mind is on vacation but his mouth is working overtime.
His mind is write-protected/write-only.
His mind reached escape velocity and achieved orbit.
His mind wandered and never came back.
His motto is: Space, the final frontier.
His mouth rarely makes calls to his brain.
His outgoing message starts with, "Hello, Mr. Answering Machine."
His page was intentionally left blank.
His picture is in the dictionary under "zero".

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 3.17/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (6)

An English teacher reminds her...

An English teacher reminds her students of the written test in her class tomorrow:
"Now, I don't want anyone to miss this important finals exam! I will not tolerate any excuse whatsoever for your absence--unless of course you had to go to the hospital because of a serious injury, or someone died in your immediate family."
Just after she spoke, a wise ass in the back of the class exclaims: "Well, what if I were to tell you that I didn't show up for the test because I experienced complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"
The students in the class try to suppress their snickers and muffled laughter.
The teacher looks sympathetically towards the young man, smiles slyly and states: "Well, then...you'll have to write with your other hand".
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 13 June 2018
  • Currently 8.00/10

Rating: 8.0/10 (16)

Drunk on a bus

A drunk gets on a transit bus. The driver, impatient while the drunk fumbles in his pocket for change, drives off. As the bus starts rolling, the drunk reacts to the sudden movement by stumbling all the way to the back of the bus. The bus stops at the next stop. He reacts by stumbling to the front of the bus. Still the man is fumbling in his pockets for change. The bus jerks forward once again, and the drunk stumbles uncontrollably to the back of the bus. Next stop, the same thing happens. Every time the bus stops, the man would stagger to the front. Every time the bus starts, he staggers uncontrollably to the back. A few stops later the drunk exits the the bus from the front.

"Hey", shouts the bus driver... "You didn't pay your fare yet!"

The drunk, reeling, shouts back "And I'm not going to!..... I walked all the way!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 09 January 2016
  • Currently 6.44/10

Rating: 6.4/10 (9)

Nursery school teacher says to...

Nursery school teacher says to her class, "Who can use the word 'Definitely' in a sentence?"

First a little girl says "The sky is definitely blue"

Teacher says, "Sorry, Amy, but the sky can be gray, or orange..."

Second little boy..."Trees are definitely green"

"Sorry, but in the autumn, the trees are brown."

Little Johnny from the back of the class stands up and asks:

"Does a fart have lumps?"

The teacher looks horrified and says "Johnny! Of course not!!!"

"OK...then I DEFINITELY shit my pants..."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 03 January 2010
  • Currently 6.04/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (67)

An Apocalyptic One-Liner

Every time someone predicts the date of the end of the world, God pushes the date back a little just to be funny.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 03 January 2010
  • Currently 5.35/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (57)

Women and Men...

WOMEN

Women are honest, loyal, and forgiving. They are smart, knowing that knowledge is power. But they still know how to use their softer side to make a point.

Women want to be the best for their family, their friends, and themselves. Their hearts break when a friend dies. They have sorrow at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left.

A woman can make a romantic evening unforgettable.

Women come in all sizes, in all colors and shapes. They live in homes, apartments and cabins. They drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care about you.

The heart of a woman is what makes the world spin! Women do more than just give birth. They bring joy and hope. They give compassion and ideals.

They give moral support to their family and friends. And all they want back is a hug, a smile and for you to do the same to people you come in contact with.

MEN

Men are good at lifting heavy stuff and killing spiders.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 03 January 2009
  • Currently 3.96/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (49)

Chuck Norris shot the sheriff,...

Chuck Norris shot the sheriff, but he round house kicked the deputy.
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 03 January 2012
  • Currently 3.61/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (49)

honest lawyer

Two lawyers were in a coffee shop talking. One of the lawyers names was Thomas Strange. After a while their conversation became rather morbid, and they started to started to talk about what they were going to have on their tomb stones. Thomas said the he wasn't going to have his name put on his tomb stone, instead he was going have "Here lies the body of an honest lawyer!!!" "Why are you going to have that?"

asked his friend.

"Well", said Thomas, "When people are walking through the cemetery, and they see...Here lies the body of an honest lawyer. They will say "Oh...That's Strange".

#joke #lawyer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 03 January 2012
  • Currently 5.86/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (43)

Get A Heart Transplant

A new arrival, about to enter hospital, saw two white coated doctors searching through the flower beds.
"Excuse me," he said, "have you lost something?"
"No," replied one of the doctors. "We're doing a heart transplant for an income-tax inspector and want to find a suitable stone."
#joke #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 20 August 2018
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (8)

A buyer was considering purcha...

A buyer was considering purchasing an aging thoroughbred but wanted a veterinarian's opinion of the horse before finalizing the deal.
When the vet had completed his examination the potential buyer asked, "Will I be able to race him?"
The veterinarian looked at the buyer, then at the horse.
"Sure," he replied, "And you'll probably win!"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 06 July 2016
  • Currently 7.33/10

Rating: 7.3/10 (12)

The Friars New Putting Green

The Friars New Putting Green
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 15 June 2017
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Great at making Sunday lunches

I told my friend that he'd be great at making Sunday lunches.

Because he's an excellent roaster.

Author: UnstoppablePhoenix /@MasterPhoenix

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 08 March 2018
  • Currently 3.60/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (5)

The Shower

Ray shows up at the bar all out of breath so Dewey asks him what the hell is wrong with you?
So Ray says "Ive been running from the cops but I finally lost them"
Dewey then asked "what the hell did you do?"
Ray replied " I was pissing in the shower and the cops showed up to arrest me!"
"Thats not against the law" said Dewey,
"Thats what I thought," said Ray.
"But those guys at Home Depot sure must of thought it was"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 12 November 2014
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

Jokes Archive

NOTE: All jokes on this web site are property of the sites they are collected from. Web site Jokes of the day is not responsible for content of jokes. We are not trying to offend, just looking for a good laugh!! If you are offended by any of the jokes, please complain to the site jokes are coming from.
This site uses cookies to store information on your computer. Some are essential to help the site properly. Others give us insight into how the site is used and help us to optimize the user experience. See our privacy policy.