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Jokes of the day for Sunday, 13 January 2019

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Sunday, 13 January 2019
  • Currently 9.55/10

Rating: 9.6/10 (1285)

Set Up Hidden Cameras

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.
December 18, 1992
Michael J. Schmidt, 29, set up a hidden video camera at his home near Superior, Wis., because he had been burglarized several times and thought he could catch the culprits in the act.
The burglars came back and were captured on tape, which Schmidt turned over to the sheriff.
Among the items the burglars took from Schmidt's house was a box containing eight marijuana plants.
Schmidt was charged with misdemeanor drug possession.
#joke #december
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (4)

“Impatience can be at

“Impatience can be attributed to loss of wait!”

#joke #short
  • Currently 4.44/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (9)

During a recent password audit...

During a recent password audit, our I.T. discovered a blonde was using the following password:
MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento
When they asked why such a long password, she said she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital.
#joke #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 31 December 2017
  • Currently 6.10/10

Rating: 6.1/10 (29)

An elderly couple was sitting...

An elderly couple was sitting together watching TV. During a commercial the husband asked his wife, "Whatever happened to our sexual relations?"
After a long thoughtful silence, the wife replied during the next commercial, "You know, I don't know. I don't even think we even got a Christmas card from them last year."
#joke #christmas
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 28 August 2016
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (10)

Crayons

The kindergarten class had settled down to its coloring books. Willie came up to the teacher's desk and said, "Miss Francis, I ain't go no crayons."

"Willie," Miss Francis said, "you mean, "I don't have any crayons.' You don't have any crayons. We don't have any crayons. They don't have any crayons. Do you see what I'm getting at?"

"Not really," Willie said, "What happened to all them crayons?"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 19 January 2016
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (8)

Chuck Norris' belly button is ...

Chuck Norris' belly button is actually a power outlet.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 13 January 2012
  • Currently 3.36/10

Rating: 3.4/10 (39)

Calculate the number 744

NUMBERMANIA: Calculate the number 744 using numbers [6, 7, 3, 5, 80, 294] and basic arithmetic operations (+, -, *, /). Each of the numbers can be used only once.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

A young Southern boy goes off...

A young Southern boy goes off to college, but about 1/3 of the waythrough the semester, he has foolishly squandered away all of the money hisparents gave him.
Then he gets an idea. He calls his daddy. "Dad," he says, "you won'tbelieve the wonders that modern education are coming up with! Why,they actually have a program here at college that will teach our dog OleBlue how to talk!"
"That's absolutely amazing," his father says. "How do I get him inthat program?"
"Just send him down here with $1,000" the boy says. "I'll get himinto the course." So, his father sends the dog and the $1,000.
About 2/3 way through the semester, the money runs out. The boy callshis father again. "So how's Ole Blue doing, son," his father asks.
"Awesome, Dad, he's talking up a storm," he says, "but you just won't believethis they've had such good results with this program that they'veimplemented a new one to teach the animals how to READ!"
"READ," says his father, "No kidding! What do I have to do to get himin that program? "
Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class." His father sends themoney.
The boy now has a problem. At the end of the year, his father willfind out that the dog can neither talk, nor read. So he shoots the dog.
When he gets home at the end of the semester, his father is allexcited. "Where's Ole Blue? I just can't wait to see him talk and readsomething!"
"Dad," the boy says, "I have some grim news. Yesterday morning, justbefore we left to drive home, Ole Blue was in the living room kicking backin the recliner, reading the morning paper, like he usually does. Then heturned to me and asked, ' So, is your daddy still messin' around with thatlittle redhead who lives on Oak Street ?'
The father says, "I hope you SHOT that son of a bitch before he talksto your Mother!"
"I sure did, Dad!"
"That's my boy!"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 13 January 2016
  • Currently 6.65/10

Rating: 6.6/10 (31)

Rickey Smiley: White Church

I joined a white church because white people get out on time.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 13 January 2012
  • Currently 4.61/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (28)

You might be a redneck if 57

You might be a reneck if...

You live close enough to town to get garbage service, but don't use it because they won't come down your driveway to get it.

The fellows on the big garbage moving equipment recoginze your wife.... and wave to her.

Your wife picks thru your garbage cans looking for any bait that may have grown in them since the last time you went.

You have ever removed the 3-9 zoom scope from your deer rifle to use at a KISS concert.

You have more than 2 used pampers rolling around in the back of your truck.

When you put your hunting boots on you only get them on the right feet 50% of the time.

Your idea of a neighborhood watch program is tuning into "America's Most Wanted".

You own more than two clappers.

You go to Wal-Mart to people watch.

You recycle enough Copenhagen lids to buy Christmas presents.

#joke #christmas
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 13 January 2012
  • Currently 4.58/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (26)

People are ignoring me

A patient walks into a doctor's office.

Patient: Doctor, people ignore me.

Doctor: Next!

#joke #short #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 13 January 2011
  • Currently 5.78/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (23)

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