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Jokes of the day for Sunday, 24 February 2019

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Sunday, 24 February 2019

A Very Irish Name

My new friend has a very Irish name...
O'Really?

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 8.33/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (3)

Little Johnny was in class one

Little Johnny was in class one day and the teacher was talking about anatomy. She held up pictures of male and female genitals and said this is called a 'penis' and this is a 'vagina'.
Little Johnny raised his hand and said his father had 2 penises.
When the teacher questioned him, he said that his father has a little one that he pees with and a large one that he brushes his mommy's teeth with.
#joke
  • Currently 4.67/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (6)

SLIDESHOW #16 - Funny Photo Slideshow

A supermarket had a sale on bo

A supermarket had a sale on boneless chicken breasts, and a woman intended to stock up.
At the store, however, she was disappointed to find only a few skimpy prepackaged portions of the poultry, so she complained to the butcher.
"Don't worry," he said. "I'll pack some more trays and have them ready for you by the time you finish shopping."
Several aisles later, everyone heard the butcher's voice boom over the public-address system, "Will the lady who wanted bigger breasts please meet me at the back of the store."
#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 7.44/10

Rating: 7.4/10 (9)

 Question And Answer Animal Jokes


Q: Why did the turtle cross the road?
A: To get to the Shell station!
Q: Why did the chicken scientist cross the road?
A: To invent the other side.
Q: Why did the chicken lawyer cross the road?
A: To corrupt the other side.
Q: Why did the chicken IRS representative cross the road?
A: To bankrupt the other side.
Q: Why did the chicken lawyer cross the road?
A: To get to the car accident on the other side.
Q: Why did chicken Dr. Kevorkian cross the road?
A: To help the patient find the other side.
Q: Why did chicken Jim Morrison cross the road?
A: To break on through to the other side.
Q: Why do birds fly South?
A: Because it's too far to walk.

#joke #lawyer
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (4)

“Each winter my uncle

“Each winter my uncle has his chimney inspected and cleaned. He does this to prepare his home for the 'flue' season!”

#joke #short
  • Currently 4.67/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (6)

Replacing Quasimodo

After Quasimodo’s death, the bishop of the Cathedral of Notre Dame sent word throughout Paris that a new bell-ringer was needed. The bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews in the belfry. Several applicants demonstrated their skills, when a lone, armless ma came in and said he was there to apply for the bell-ringer’s job.The incredulous bishop said, “But you have no arms!”“No matter,” said the man, “Observe!” He then began striking the bells with his face, producing a beautiful melody. The astonished bishop listened and knew he had found a suitable replacement for Quasimodo.But suddenly, the armless man tripped, and plunged out the belfry window to his death.When the stunned bishop reached the street, a crowd had gathered around the fallen figure, drawn by the beautiful music they had heard only moments before. One of them asked, “Bishop, who was this man?” “I don’t know his name,” the bishop sadly replied, “but this face rings a bell.”Despite the sad event, the bishop continued his interviews for the bell-ringer of Notre Dame. The first applicant said, “Your Excellency, I am the twin brother of the poor, armless wretch who fell to his death from this very belfry yesterday. I pray that you honor his life by allowing me to replace him in this duty.”The bishop agreed to give the man an audition, but as he prepared to ring the bells the man groaned and clutched at his chest and died on the spot. Two monks, hearing the bishop’s cries of grief at this second tragedy, rushed up the stairs to his side. “What has happened?,” the first monk asked breathlessly. “Who is this man?”“I don’t know his name,” sighed the distraught bishop, “but he’s a dead ringer for his brother.”
#joke
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 6.85/10

Rating: 6.8/10 (13)

What's your name?

A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, "I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter."

Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, "I'm Jane Sugarbrown."

The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said, "Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?"

She replied, "I thought I was, but mother says I'm not."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 26 February 2016
  • Currently 2.44/10

Rating: 2.4/10 (9)

Shalom Race

As you may know, in a shalom race the skier must pass through about 20 "gates" in the fastest time. Well, it happened that Israel had the fastest slalom skier in the world and had great expectations for an Olympic gold medal.
Came the day of the final, the crowd waited in anticipation. The French champion sped down the course in 38 seconds. The Swiss in 38.7 seconds, the German in 37.8 seconds and the Italian in 38.1 seconds. Next came the Israeli's turn ... the crowd waited, and waited...six minutes!
"What happened to you?" screamed his trainer when the Israeli finally arrived. Replied the exhausted Israeli: "Which of those idiots put a mezuzah on each gate?"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 24 February 2010
  • Currently 3.70/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (46)

Stolen Car

A drunk phoned the police to report that thieves had broken in to his car.
"They've stolen the dashboard, steering wheel, break pedal, even the accelerator," he cried out.


However, before the police investigation could get under way the phone rang a second time, with the same voice came over the line. "Never mind," said the drunk with a hiccup, "I got in the backseat by mistake."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 24 February 2014
  • Currently 8.26/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (42)

Caught on the Job

The new army recruit was given guard duty at 2 a.m. He did his best for a while, but at about 4 a.m. he went to sleep. He awakened to find the officer of the day standing before him.
Remembering the heavy penalty for being asleep on guard duty, this smart young man kept his head bowed for another moment and looked upward and reverently said, “A-a-a-men!”

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 24 February 2009
  • Currently 6.69/10

Rating: 6.7/10 (36)

Knock Knock Collection 137


Knock Knock
Who's there?
Odysseus!
Odysseus who?
Odysseus the last straw!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Ogre!
Ogre who?
Ogre take a flying leap!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Ohio!
Ohio who?
Ohio Silver!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Ohio!
Ohio who?
Ohio feeling!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Okra!
Okra who?
Okra Winfrey!

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 24 February 2010
  • Currently 3.78/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (27)

Knock Knock Collection 194

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Wilfred!
Wilfred who?
Wilfred like his present?
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Willa!
Willa who?
Willa you marry me!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
William!
William who?
William-ind your own business!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Willie!
Willie who?
Willie be home for dinner!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Willis!
Willis who?
Willis rain ever stop!
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 08 January 2017
  • Currently 6.17/10

Rating: 6.2/10 (6)

Yannis Pappas - Nobody Wants to Have Kids

@yannispappas

Is it ironic when you think about it

that our parents and grandparents worked

so hard for us to have a better life,

and now we don't want to have kids

'cause we don't want them to ruin our life?

Watch the full clip here: http://on.cc.com/1vfPBSm

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 19 January 2015
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

What are the three words tha...

- What are the three words that are most often found in the inscriptions in the world?
- "I love you".
- Not really. Those three words are "Made in China"!
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 28 March 2016
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (4)

My friend's dad is a dentist...

My friend's dad is a dentist. This is his pumpkin for Halloween.
#joke #short #halloween
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 20 October 2015
  • Currently 8.75/10

Rating: 8.8/10 (4)

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