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Jokes of the day for Sunday, 17 March 2019

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Sunday, 17 March 2019

The Supportive Younger Brother

Mary was having a tough day and had stretched herself out on the couch to do a bit of what she thought to be well deserved complaining and self-pitying.
She moaned to her mom and her younger brother, "Nobody loves me...the whole world hates me!"
Her brother, busily occupied playing a game, hardly looked up at her and passed on this encouraging word... "That's not true, Mary. Some people don't even know you."

#joke
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 8.47/10

Rating: 8.5/10 (15)

At one point during a game, th...

At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 7-year-oldhockey players aside and asked, "Do you understand whatcooperation is? What a team is?"
The little boy nodded in the affirmative.
"Do you understand that what matters is not whether we win orlose, but how we play together as a team?"
The little boy nodded yes.
"So," the coach continued, "I'm sure you know, when apenalty is called, you shouldn't argue, curse, attack the referee, orcall him a pecker-head."
Do you understand all that?"
Again the little boy nodded.
He continued, "And when I call you off the ice so thatanother boy gets a chance to play,it's not good sportsmanship to call your coach 'adumb a--hole', is it?"
Again the little boy nodded.
"Good," said the coach. "Now go over there and explain allthat to your mother."
#joke
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 8.47/10

Rating: 8.5/10 (15)

SLIDESHOW #114 - Funny Photo Slideshow

 Go Give Us A Donation


Traffic was backed up for miles, the police were going car to car. When they got to my car I asked the officer what was going on.
He said "It's Al Gore. He's up there threatening to set himself on fire! We are going car to car collecting donations."
"Donations!" I said, "How much you got so far?"
He said "about ten gallons."

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 6.44/10

Rating: 6.4/10 (9)

“On New Year's Eve,

“On New Year's Eve, old Father Time hands over time to Baby New Year with a scythe of relief!”

#joke #short #newyear
  • Currently 5.43/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (7)

A woman, searching for a job,

A woman, searching for a job, inquired about the benefits. The Personnel Manager informed her they had group health and life insurance, but the costs were deducted from the employee's pay.
She said, "My last employer had full health coverage, as well as five years salary for life insurance and a month's sick leave AND they paid the full premiums."
"I can't help but asking madam why you would leave a job with such benefits," the interviewer replied.
The woman shrugged her shoulders and said, "The company went bankrupt."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 10 September 2017
  • Currently 7.09/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (11)

I believe I'm a woman

MAN TO PSYCHIATRIST: "You have to help me, Doctor. I'm starting to believe I'm a woman."

PSYCHIATRIST "Why do you think that?"

MAN: "It was something my gynecologist said to me the other day."

#joke #short #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 22 March 2016
  • Currently 3.44/10

Rating: 3.4/10 (9)

Final Exam

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. 'Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!' 

A smart-ass student in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, 'What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?'
The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, 'Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.'

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 17 March 2015
  • Currently 9.17/10

Rating: 9.2/10 (71)

Greg Giraldo: On Catholicism

We have a whole religion based on a woman who really stuck to her story.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 17 March 2011
  • Currently 4.56/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (55)

Black Eyes

A man walked into work on Monday with two black eyes. His boss asked what happened.
The man said, "I was sitting behind a big woman at church. When we stood up to sing hymns, I noticed that her dress was caught in her crack, so I pulled it out. She turned around and punched me square in the eye."
"Where did you get the other shiner?" the boss asked.
"Well," the man said, "I figured she didn't want it out, so I pushed it back in."

#joke #monday
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 17 March 2017
  • Currently 8.63/10

Rating: 8.6/10 (43)

Hymns By Word Association

A minister decided to do something a little different one Sunday morning.
He said, "Today, in church, I am going to say a single word and you are going to help me preach. Whatever single word I say, I want you to sing whatever hymn comes to your mind."
The pastor shouted out, "Cross!" Immediately the congregation started singing, in unison, "The Old Rugged Cross."
The pastor hollered out, "Grace!" The congregation began to sing "Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound..."
The pastor said, "Power." The congregation sang "There Is Power in the Blood." The Pastor said, "Sex." The congregation fell in total silence. Everyone was in shock.
They all nervously began to look around at each other, afraid to say anything.
Then all of a sudden, way from in the back of the church, a little old 87-year-old grandmother stood up and began to sing "Precious Memories."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 17 March 2010
  • Currently 5.06/10

Rating: 5.1/10 (34)

Musical Chairs

Q: What did one chair say to another chair?

A: "Here comes another a**hole."

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 08 June 2015
  • Currently 9.00/10

Rating: 9.0/10 (5)

B.J. Novak: Learned Nothing in College

I learned nothing in college. It was really kind of my own fault. I had a double major: psychology and reverse psychology.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 07 March 2012
  • Currently 5.43/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (47)

I took an IQ test yesterday...

I took an IQ test yesterday. It came back negative...
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 26 May 2015
  • Currently 8.75/10

Rating: 8.8/10 (4)

Jamaican party

The wife and I are going to a Jamaican party. She told me she wants her hair braided.
I'm dreading it.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 02 November 2017
  • Currently 6.80/10

Rating: 6.8/10 (10)

An attorney arrived home late...

An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution for a client who was due to be hanged for murder at midnight. His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed.
As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him about, 'What time of night to be getting home is this? Where have you been?' 'Dinner is cold and I'm not reheating it'. And on and on and on.
Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he went and poured himself a shot of whiskey and headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub, pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks as he dragged himself up the stairs.
While he was in the bath, the phone rang.
The wife answered and was told that her husband's client, James Wright, had been granted a stay of execution after all. Wright would not be hanged tonight.
Finally realizing what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to go upstairs and give him the good news.
As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her husband, bent over naked, drying his legs and feet.
'They're not hanging Wright tonight,' she said. To which he whirled around and screamed, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WOMAN, DON'T YOU EVER STOP?
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 14 November 2016
  • Currently 6.43/10

Rating: 6.4/10 (14)

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