Jokes of the day for Friday, 29 March 2019

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Friday, 29 March 2019
  • Currently 9.56/10

Rating: 9.6/10 (2584)

“The weapon smuggler

“The weapon smuggler had a barrel of fun in the judge's private chamber.”

#joke #short
  • Currently 2.30/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (10)

A young woman went to see a fo

A young woman went to see a fortune teller who told her: "You will be broke and unhappy till you are fifty."
"What happens when I'm fifty?" asked the young woman.
"Nothing," said the fortune teller. "But you'll be used to it by then."
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 4.33/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (12)

A man placed some flowers on t

A man placed some flowers on the grave ofhis dearly departed mother and started backtoward his car when his attention wasdiverted to another man kneeling at a grave.
The man seemed to be praying with profoundintensity and kept repeating, "Why did youhave to die? Why did you have to die?"
The first man approached him and said, "Sir,I don't wish to intrude on your privategrief, but this demonstration of pain is morethan I've ever seen before. For whom do youmourn so deeply? A child? A parent?"
The mourner took a moment to collect himself,then replied, "My wife's first husband."
#joke
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 7.37/10

Rating: 7.4/10 (19)

 A Very Faithful Woman


An elderly lady was well-known for her faith and for her boldness in talking about it. She would stand on her front porch and shout "PRAISE THE LORD!"
Next door to her lived an atheist who would get so angry at her proclamations he would shout, "There ain't no Lord!!"
Hard times set in on the elderly lady, and she prayed for GOD to send her some assistance. She stood on her porch and shouted "PRAISE THE LORD. GOD I NEED FOOD!! I AM HAVING A HARD TIME. PLEASE LORD, SEND ME SOME GROCERIES!!"
The next morning the lady went out on her porch and noted a large bag of groceries and shouted, "PRAISE THE LORD."
The neighbor jumped from behind a bush and said, "Aha! I told you there was no Lord. I bought those groceries, God didn't."
The lady started jumping up and down and clapping her hands and said, "PRAISE THE LORD. He not only sent me groceries, but He made the devil pay for them. Praise the Lord!"

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 8.83/10

Rating: 8.8/10 (58)

Something I Haven't Done

Little Johnny asks the teacher, “Mrs Roberts, can I be punished for something I haven’t done?”
Mrs Roberts is shocked, “Of course not, Johnny, that would be very unfair.”
Little Johnny is relieved, “Okay, Mrs Roberts, good to know. By the way, I didn't do my homework last night."

#joke
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 8.00/10

Rating: 8.0/10 (16)

Teacher: How much is a gra

Teacher: How much is a gram?
Tyronne: Uhmm, depends on what you need

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Laugh Factory Network - Watch our huge library of the best stand-up comedy videos, get information on our stand-up comedians, read our joke of the day
  • Currently 3.20/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (10)

Find number abc

If 90a99 + accb9 = cbc6b8 find number abc. Multiple solutions may exist.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

The high price of romance!

A husband had been away for a few months and had a romantic evening planned for he and his wife. He sent the two older kids to the movies but could not persuade the youngest boy to go along.

Finally he makes a deal with the boy. If the boy will go sit on the curb in front of their house, the father will give the boy $5 bucks for every man he sees go by in a red hat.

A while later the little boy comes running into the house and bangs on the bedroom door and shouts:

"Dad, if you think your getting screwed in there, you'd better come outside, there's a Shriner's convention going past."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 03 April 2016
  • Currently 6.17/10

Rating: 6.2/10 (6)

A child comes home from his fi...

A child comes home from his first day at school.
His mother asks, "Well, what did you learn today?"
The kid replies, "Not enough. They want me to come back tomorrow."
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 29 March 2017
  • Currently 8.84/10

Rating: 8.8/10 (51)

From The Blonde Files

Jack, a handsome man, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 pm. He sat down next to this blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV...
The 10:00 news was on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump. The blonde looked at Jack and said, 'Do you think he'll jump?' Jack says, 'You know what, I bet he will.' The blonde replied, 'Well, I bet he won't.' Jack placed $30 on the bar and said, 'You're on!'
Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy did a swan dive off of the building, falling to his death. The blonde was very upset and handed her $30 to Jack, saying, 'Fair's fair... Here's your money.' Jack replied, 'I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5 o'clock news and knew he would jump.
'The blonde replies, 'I did too; but I didn't think he'd do it again.' Jack took the money..

#joke #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 29 March 2017
  • Currently 8.91/10

Rating: 8.9/10 (46)

Yo mama is so short

Yo mama so short she poses for trophies!

Yo mama so short you can see her feet on her drivers lisence!

Yo mama so short she has to use a ladder to pick up a dime.

Yo mama so short she can play handball on the curb.

Yo mama so short she does backflips under the bed.

Yo mama so short she models for trophys.

#joke #yomama
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 29 March 2012
  • Currently 3.15/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (39)

Andy Kindler: Celebrating Suffering

Jewish people, we dont believe in Hell or a future place to suffer. Were suffering right now. Every one of our holidays celebrates how much weve suffered. Passover -- were celebrating 5,000 years ago, God passed over our houses and murdered all the Egyptians. Were celebrating, Hey, thank God we didnt get slaughtered.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 29 March 2010
  • Currently 4.57/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (37)

Helisoft

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment.
Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER."
The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the copilot asked the pilot how he had done it.
"I knew it had to be the Microsoft Building, because they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 29 March 2013
  • Currently 4.44/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (34)

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