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Jokes of the day for Wednesday, 08 May 2019

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Wednesday, 08 May 2019

“Wow, those slugs are

“Wow, those slugs are tough as snails!”

#joke #short
  • Currently 4.67/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (6)

With his wife out for the even

With his wife out for the evening, a father was trying to watch TV, but his young son kept coming in and asking for a glass of water.
After the seventh glass, the father lost his temper and yelled: "Go to sleep, I'm watching TV."
"But Dad," he protested, "my room is still on fire!"
#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (17)

SLIDESHOW #32 - Funny Photo Slideshow

 Doctor Doctor Collection 06


Doctor, Doctor I keep painting myself gold
Don't worry it's just a gilt complex!
Doctor, Doctor I've broke my arm in two places
Well don't go back there again then!
Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a dog.
How long have you felt like this?
Ever since I was a puppy!
Doctor, Doctor I feel like a pack of cards.
I'll deal with you later!
Doctor, Doctor I think I'm turning into a frog
Your just playing too much croquet!
Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a yo-yo.
Are you stringing me along!
Doctor, Doctor I dream there are monsters under my bed, what can I do?
Saw the legs off of your bed!

#joke #doctor
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 3.75/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (8)

Limousine Driver

Just spent $300 on a limousine and discovered that the fee doesn't include a driver...
Can’t believe I’ve spent all that money and have nothing to chauffeur it!

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 7.95/10

Rating: 8.0/10 (20)

Dentist

A guy and a girl meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place.
A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands.
He then takes of his trousers and washes his hands again.
The girl has been watching him and says, "You must be a dentist."
The guy, surprised, says "Yes! How did you figure that out?"
"Easy," she replied, "you keep washing your hands."
One thing led to another and they make love.
After they have done, the girl says, "You must be a good dentist."
The guy, now with a boosted ego says, "Sure, I'm a good dentist, How did you figure that out?"

"Didn't feel a thing!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 08 May 2014
  • Currently 8.18/10

Rating: 8.2/10 (91)

Some people get lucky and kill...

Some people get lucky and kill two birds with one stone. Chuck Norris once killed four birds with half a stone. What's that? You say there's no such thing as half a stone? The four dead birds didn't think so either.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 08 May 2011
  • Currently 3.09/10

Rating: 3.1/10 (67)

Four legs

A wife comes home late one night and quietly opens the door to her bedroom.

From under the blanket, she sees four legs instead of just her husband's two.

She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can.

Once she's done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink.

As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine.

He says, "Hi darling, your parents have come to visit us, so I let them stay in our bedroom. Did you say hello?"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 08 May 2016
  • Currently 8.49/10

Rating: 8.5/10 (57)

Chuck Norris can speak braille...

Chuck Norris can speak braille.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 08 May 2012
  • Currently 3.76/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (49)

An Unusual Vet

There was once an aspiring veterinarian who put himself

through veterinary school working nights as a taxidermist.

Upon graduation, he decided he could combine his two

vocations to better serve the needs of his patients and their

owners, while doubling his practice and, therefore, his

income.

He opened his own offices with a shingle on the door saying,

"Dr. Jones, Veterinary Medicine and Taxidermy -- Either way,

you get your dog back!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 08 May 2012
  • Currently 6.36/10

Rating: 6.4/10 (45)

Dumb Blonde Comp.

80,000 blondes meet in a football stadium for a "Blondes Are Not Stupid" Convention.

The leader says, "We are all here today to prove to the world that blondes are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?"

A blonde gingerly works her way through the crowd and steps up to the stage.

The leader asks her, "What is 15 plus 15?"

After 15 or 20 seconds she says, "Eighteen!"

Obviously everyone is a little disappointed. Then 80,000 blondes start cheering, "Give her another chance! Give her another chance!"

The leader says, "Well since we've gone to the trouble of getting 80,000 of you in one place and we have the world- wide press and global broadcast media here, gee, uh, I guess we can give her another chance."

So he asks, "What is 5 plus 5?"

After nearly 30 seconds she eventually says, "Ninety?"

The leader is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh -- everyone is disheartened - the blonde starts crying and the 80,000 girls begin to yell and wave their hands shouting, "GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE!"

The leader, unsure whether or not he is doing more harm than damage, eventually says, "Ok! Ok! Just one more chance -- What is 2 plus 2?"

The girl closes her eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says, "Four?"

Throughout the stadium pandemonium breaks out as all 80,000 girls jump to their feet, wave their arms, stomp their feet and scream... "Give her another chance! Give her another chance!"

#joke #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 19 January 2016
  • Currently 7.70/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (10)

One night, a lady stumbled int...

One night, a lady stumbled into the police station with a black eye. She claimed she heard a noise in her back yard and went to investigate. The next thing she knew, she was hit in the eye and knocked out cold.
An officer was sent to her house to investigate, and he returned 1-1/2 hours later with a black eye.
"Did you get hit by the same person?" his captain asked.
"No," he replied. "I stepped on the same rake."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 08 February 2019
  • Currently 9.09/10

Rating: 9.1/10 (35)

The worst two Winters

The worst two Winters of the 20th century . . . Mike and Bernie.

Victor Borges (1909-2000)

Picture: AP

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 24 January 2015
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (4)

Say What

When my 14-year-old son, Patrick, stepped up to the plate during a Colt League baseball game, the young announcer declared, "Now batting, the right fielder, number 12, Pathogen!"
After some confusion in the stands, the announcer came back on over the loudspeaker. "Sorry folks, that's PAT Hogan!"

#joke
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 7.44/10

Rating: 7.4/10 (9)

I'm the kind of crazy

I'm the kind of crazy you weren't warned about because no one knew this level existed.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 18 February 2016
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (4)

When you truly don't care

When you truly don't care when anyone thinks of you, you have reached a dangerously awesome level of freedom.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 14 June 2015
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

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