Jokes of the day for Sunday, 19 May 2019

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Sunday, 19 May 2019
  • Currently 9.53/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (1553)

A woman and a baby were in the

A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the Doctor to come in for the baby's first exam. The Doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight, and seeming a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.
"Breast-fed," she replied.
"Strip down to your waist," the Doctor said. She did. He pinched her nipples, then pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for awhile in a detailed examination. Motioning her to get dressed, he said, "No wonder this baby is underweight, you don't have any milk."
"I know," she said, "I'm his Grandma, but I'm glad I came."
#joke #doctor
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 9.11/10

Rating: 9.1/10 (36)

 Business One-liners 114


Gold's Law: If the shoe fits, it's ugly
Goldenstern's Rules: 1. Always hire a rich attorney. 2. Never buy from a rich salesman.
Golden Rule Of Arts And Sciences: Whoever has the gold makes the rules.
Gordian Maxim: If a string has one end, it has another.
Gordon's First Law: If a research project is not worth doing at all, it is not worth doing well.
Gordon's Object Lifespan Theorem: No matter the amount of care given the purchased object, it will fuse/explode/disassemble within three days of warranty expiration.
Gordon's Warranty Law: All warranty clauses expires upon bill payment.

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 2.00/10

Rating: 2.0/10 (4)

Do Not Give Up Your Seat

A girl involved with a women’s lib group boarded a crowded bus and one man rose to his feet.
“No, no! You must not give up your seat, I insist!” she said.
The man replied, “Lady, you may insist as much as you like. But this is my street, so this is where I get off.”

#joke
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (4)

“An acupuncturist is

“An acupuncturist is a pin doctor.”

#joke #short #doctor
  • Currently 3.07/10

Rating: 3.1/10 (15)

Todd Barry: Summer School

I never understood the concept of summer school. The teachers going to go up there and go, OK, class, you know that subject you couldnt grasp in nine months? Were going to whip it out in six weeks.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 19 May 2010
  • Currently 4.79/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (43)

Chuck Norris brushes his teeth...

Chuck Norris brushes his teeth with a mixture of iron shavings, industrial paint remover, and wood-grain alcohol.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 19 May 2011
  • Currently 3.37/10

Rating: 3.4/10 (38)

I can be long, or I can be s...

I can be long, or I can be short. I can be grown, and I can be bought. I can be painted, or left bare. I can be round, or square. What am I?
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Two very elderly men were havi...

Two very elderly men were having a conversation about sex.

Elmer says, "Yessir, I did it three times last night with a 30 year old!"

Leon replies, "You're kidding! I can't even manage to do it once! What's your secret?"

To which Elmer said, "Well, the secret is to eat lots of whole-wheat bread. I'm not kidding!"

So the second old man rushed to the store.

The clerk asks the old man, "May I help you?'

"Yes, I'd like four loaves of whole-wheat bread, please," said Leon.

"That's a lot of bread! It's sure to get hard before you're done!" the clerk remarked.

Leon replies, "Damn! Does everyone know about this except me?"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 19 May 2010
  • Currently 6.03/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (29)

Two babies lies in the birth section

Baby 1: I'm a boy.
Baby 2: prove it.
Baby 1: Not in front of the nurse.
Baby 2: Okay The nurse leaves
Baby 2: Prove it.
Baby 1: Look, blue socks...
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 19 May 2010
  • Currently 5.89/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (28)

One day, Jimmy Jones was walki...

One day, Jimmy Jones was walking down Main Street when he saw his buddy Bubba driving a brand new pickup.Bubba pulled up to him with a wide grin.
Bubba, where'd you git that truck?!?"
Tammie give it to me" Bubba replied.
"She give it to ya?
I know'd she wuz kinda sweet on ya, but a New truck?"
"Well, Jimmy Jones, let me tell you what happened.
We wuz drivin' out on County Road 6, in the middle of nowheres.Tammie pulled off the road, put the truck in 4-wheel drive, and headed into the woods. She parked the truck, got out, threw off all her clothes and said,'Bubba, take whatever you want.' So I took the truck! "
"Bubba, yore a smart man! Them clothes woulda never fit you!"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 19 May 2015
  • Currently 8.85/10

Rating: 8.9/10 (20)

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