“I tried to take out
“I tried to take out the trash but I think it was a complete waste of time.”
A restaurant was packed with pA restaurant was packed with people watching a televised ball game. Two diners gave the harried waitress their order, then waited a long time without getting food.
Hearing the sound of cheers from the bar area, one diner joked, "It sounds like someone got served!"
AMAP For Salary
The interviewer examined the job application then turned to the prospective employee. "I see you have put 'ASAP' down for the date you are available to start, meaning as soon as possible, of course. However, I see you've put 'AMAP' down for required salary. I don't believe I've ever seen that before, what does it mean?"
The applicant replied, "As much as possible!"
When a woman wears leather cloWhen a woman wears leather clothing
A man's heart beats quicker
His throat gets dry
He goes week in the knees
And he begins to think irrationally
Ever wonder why?
Because she smells like a new truck!!!
Knock Knock Collection 165
Sinatra be a law!
Sinbad and you'll never get to heaven!
Sizzle hurt me more than it will hurt you!
Sofia me, I'm hungry!
A dagger thrust at my own he...
Give Bubba a ChanceIt was graduation night at Cox High School and they were about halfway through the ceremony when the principal said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, we have a problem, Bubba is a few credits short and won't be able to graduate tonight."
Well now, Bubba was the starting right guard for Cox's football team, and when the student body heard that he wasn't going to graduate, they all jumped up and started to chant, "Give Bubba another chance, give Bubba another chance!"
Pat Dye and the principal had a quick conference and afterward, the principal announced that they have decided to give Bubba another chance. Bubba is told that he will be given a "One Question" math test and if he passes, he can graduate.
The question is, "What is 2 plus 3?" Bubba thinks for about 20 minutes and finally says, "I have it! The answer is 5!"
There is complete silence in the auditorium for a couple of seconds and then the entire Cox High School football team jumps up and begins to chant, "Give Bubba one more chance. Give Bubba one more Chance!"
The Cat and the SausOne day a little cat was walking through the park when he came across a pond. He peered into the pond and noticed that at the bottom of the pond there was a little cocktail sausage.
The cat was feeling quite happy so as the water wasn't that deep he reached in with his little paw, hooked the sausage out and ate it.
The next day the cat was walking through the park again and peered into the pond. There was another sausage in the pond but this time it was a normal sized one, so the cat reached in. This time he had to put his whole arm into the pond. The cat hooked the sausage out and ate it.
The next day things go basically the same and the cat again looks into the pond. There he found an enormous Cumberland sausage at the bottom for the pond. It looked so delicious but it was so deep that he had to really stretch to get it, then SPLASH - he fell in.
The moral of the story is: The Bigger the Sausage, The Wetter the Pussy!
Ben Bailey: Restless Leg SyndromeRestless leg syndrome. Cmon, what kind of horseshit is that? Its a syndrome? Restless leg syndrome? I have no idea what constitutes a syndrome, but its a hell of a lot more serious than some freakin wiggly legs.
First day at school
The child comes home from his first day at school.
His Mother asks, "Well, what did you learn today?"
The kid replies, "Not enough. They want me to come back tomorrow."