Jokes of the day for Monday, 10 June 2019

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Monday, 10 June 2019
  • Currently 9.54/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (1910)

“Reincarnation is a l

“Reincarnation is a life-changing experience.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous puns on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 3.60/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (5)

What is a Cat?

What is a Cat?
1. Cats do what they want.
2. They rarely listen to you.
3. They're totally unpredictable.
4. When you want to play, they want to be alone.
5. When you want to be alone, they want to play.
6. They expect you to cater to their every whim.
7. They're moody.
8. They leave hair everywhere.
CONCLUSION: They're tiny women in little fur coats.
What is a Dog?
1. Dogs spend all day sprawled on the most comfortable piece of furniture in the house.
2. They can hear a package of food opening half a block away, but don't hear you when you're in the same room.
3. They can look dumb and lovable all at the same time.
4. They growl when they are not happy.
5. When you want to play, they want to play.
6. When you want to be alone, they want to play.
7. They leave their toys everywhere.
8. They do disgusting things with their mouths and then try to give you a kiss.
9. They go right for your crotch as soon as they meet you.
CONCLUSION: They're tiny men in little fur coat
#joke
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 4.67/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (6)

 Knock Knock Collection 164


Knock Knock
Who's there?
Sherwood!
Sherwood who!
Sherwood like to come in!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Shirley!
Shirley who?
Shirley you must know me by now!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Sicily!
Sicily who?
Sicily question!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Sid!
Sid who!
Sid down and have a cup of tea!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Simon!
Simon who?
Simon the dotted line!

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 1.57/10

Rating: 1.6/10 (7)

Bunch of Cows

Camper: "Look at that bunch of cows."
Farmer: "Not bunch, herd."
Camper: "Heard what?"
Farmer: "Of cows."
Camper: "Sure I've heard of cows."
Farmer: "No, I mean a cowherd."
Camper: "So what if they heard? I have no secrets from cows!"

#joke
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 8.60/10

Rating: 8.6/10 (10)

Viagra...

An elderly gentleman went to the local drug store and asked the pharmacist for Viagra. The pharmacist said "That's no problem. How many do you want?"

The man answered" Just a few, maybe 4, but cut each one in 4 pieces."

The pharmacist said "That wont do you any good."

The elderly gentleman said "That's alright. I don't need them for sex anymore as I am over 80 years old. I just want it to stick out far enough so I don't pee on my shoes."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 15 June 2016
  • Currently 8.00/10

Rating: 8.0/10 (7)

A tour bus load full of noisy

A tour bus load full of noisy tourists arrives at Runnymede, England.
They gather around the guide who says, "This is the spot where the barons forced King John to sign the Magna Carta."
A man pushing his way to the front of the crowd asks, "When did that happen?"
"1215," answers the guide.
The man looks at his watch and says, "Shoot! Just missed it by a half hour!"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 05 February 2015
  • Currently 6.27/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (11)

What is hidden in 3D image?

Stereogram - 3D Image
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Nick Kroll: Same Perfume

My mother and my girlfriend are wearing the same perfume, which is weird because, all of a sudden, Im attracted to my girlfriend.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 10 June 2011
  • Currently 4.72/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (65)

Reaching the end of a job inte...

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asked a young Engineer fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were you looking for?"

The Engineer replies, "In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."

The interviewer inquires, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years say, a red Corvette?"
The Engineer sits up straight and says, "Wow! Are you kidding?"

And the interviewer replies, "Yeah, but you started it."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 10 June 2013
  • Currently 5.16/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (37)

Chuck Norris can slam a revolv...

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 10 June 2011
  • Currently 2.85/10

Rating: 2.9/10 (27)

Why are you crying?

Two guys were sitting outside a medical clinic. One of them was crying, tears were pouring down his face.

The other guy asked, "Why are you crying?"

The first one replied, "I came here for blood test."

The second one asked, "So? Why are you crying? Are you afraid?"

The first guy replied, "No. Not that. During the blood test they cut my finger."

Hearing this, the second one started crying.

The first one was astonished and asked the other, "Why are you crying?"

Then the second guy replied, "I have come for a urine test."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 10 June 2016
  • Currently 7.19/10

Rating: 7.2/10 (21)

Business one-liners 74

If you want to get along, go along.

If you want to make an enemy, do someone a favor.

If your next pot of chili tastes better, it probably is because of something left out, rather than added.

Ignorance is bliss. No wonder I'm so depressed.

Illegitimus non Carborundem: "Don't let the scum bags grind you down"

In a hierarchical organization, the higher the level, the greater the confusion.

In any calculation, any error which can creep in will do so.

In any hierarchy, each individual rises to his own level of incompetence, and then remains there.

In any household, junk accumulates to the the space available for its storage.

In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.

It takes a big man to admit when he's wrong, and an even bigger one to keep his mouth shut when he's right.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 10 June 2012
  • Currently 4.05/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (21)

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