Jokes of the day for Saturday, 22 June 2019

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Saturday, 22 June 2019
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 Discussing Finances


A couple was having a discussion about family finances. Finally the husband exploded, "If it weren't for my money, the house wouldn't be here!" The wife replied, "My dear, if it weren't for your money I wouldn't be here."

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 8.23/10

Rating: 8.2/10 (13)

Get My Broker

Seeing his shares plummet on a black morning during the recession, the boss called to his secretary, “Get my broker, Miss Wilks!”
”Certainly, sir. Stock or pawn?”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 7.20/10

Rating: 7.2/10 (5)

Scope of things

“When the hunter considered the scope of things he realized his life wasn't all that bad. He would just need to aim for higher things.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous puns on the internet. New pun added daily.
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An old woman came into her doc

An old woman came into her doctor's office and confessed to an embarrassing problem. "I do that all the time, Doctor Johnson, but they're soundless, and they have no odor. In fact, since I've been here, I did it no less than twenty times. What can I do?"
"Here's a prescription, Mrs. Harris. Take these pills three times a day for seven days and come back and see me in a week."
Next week an upset Mrs. Harris marched into Dr. Johnson's office. "Doctor, I don't know what was in those pills, but the problem is worse! I'm doing it just as much, but now it smells terrible! What do you have to say for yourself?"
"Calm down, Mrs. Harris," said the doctor soothingly. "Now that we've fixed your sinuses, we'll work on your hearing!!!"
#joke #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 25 February 2017
  • Currently 6.27/10

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A true tech support story...

Tech Support: 'What does the screen say now.'

Person: 'It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'.'

Tech Support: 'Well?'

Person: 'How do I know when it's ready?'

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 27 June 2016
  • Currently 4.14/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (7)

FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 YEAR

FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 YEARS OLD. HATEFUL LITTLE DOG. BITES.
FREE PUPPIES: 1/2 COCKER SPANIEL, 1/2 SNEAKY NEIGHBOR'S DOG.
FREE PUPPIES... PART GERMAN SHEPHERD, PART STUPID DOG.
GERMAN SHEPHERD 85 lbs. NEUTERED. SPEAKS GERMAN. FREE.
FOUND: DIRTY WHITE DOG. LOOKS LIKE A RAT ... BEEN OUT AWHILE .. BETTERBE A REWARD.
SNOW BLOWER FOR SALE... ONLY USED ON SNOWY DAYS.
COWS, CALVES NEVER BRED ... ALSO 1 GAY BULL FOR SALE.
NORDIC TRACK $300 HARDLY USED, CALL CHUBBY.
HUMMERS - LARGEST SELECTION EVER - "IF IT'S IN STOCK, WE HAVE IT!"
GEORGIA PEACHES, CALIFORNIA GROWN - 89 cents lb.
NICE PARACHUTE: NEVER OPENED - USED ONCE.
JOINING NUDIST COLONY! MUST SELL WASHER & DRYER $300.
OPEN HOUSE: BODY SHAPERS TONING SALON. FREE COFFEE &DONUTS.
FOR SALE: ONE MAN SIX WOMAN HOT TUB
(AND THE BEST ONE) . .
FOR SALE BY OWNER: Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica - no longerneeded. Got married last month. Wife knows everything.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 19 March 2015
  • Currently 5.90/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (10)

Find number abc

If 414b4 + b452a = c59a0 find number abc. Multiple solutions may exist.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

This one never gets old - The New CEO

A company, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new CEO.
The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers.
On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning against a wall and idly picking his teeth.
The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business.
He asked the guy, “How much money do you make a week?”
A little surprised, the young man looked at him and said, “I make $400 a week. Why?”
The CEO said,”Wait right here.”
He walked back to his office, came back in two minutes, and handed the guy $1,600 in cash and said, “Here’s four weeks’ pay.
Now GET OUT and don’t come back.”
Feeling pretty good about himself the CEO looked around the room and asked,
“Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-ball did here?”
From across the room a voice said,
“Sure – he was the Pizza delivery guy from Domino’s and was just waiting to collect the money!”

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 22 June 2017
  • Currently 8.30/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (40)

Demetri Martin: Cool Leather

I was at a party the other night, and I saw a guy wearing a leather jacket, and I thought, That is cool. Like 10 minutes later, I saw a guy wearing a leather vest and I thought, That is not cool. Thats when I realized cool is all about leather sleeves.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 22 June 2011
  • Currently 3.05/10

Rating: 3.1/10 (40)

Johnnie Cochrane Closing Arguments for US v. Clinton

From the law offices of Johnnie Cochrane, Esquire, here are

the top ten proposed closing arguments in the matter of

United States v. William J. Clinton:

10. If the dress aint a mess, he won't need to confess

9. The economy's great, let the White Boy skate

8. If the Bitch didn't spit, you must acquit

7. If she is not spread eagle, then it is not illegal

6. Lewinsky's a whore, and Bill's better than Gore

5. So he lied to the masses, he was just saving some asses

4. He cheats on his wife, but its his personal life

3. Bill can't tell the truth till he sees Ken Starr's

proof

2. Bill is not sleazy, Lewinsky's just easy

And the number one closing argument by Johnny Cochrane:

1. If the sex is just oral, it is not really immoral

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 22 June 2010
  • Currently 3.89/10

Rating: 3.9/10 (38)

Blonde Houses

Q: What is even dumber than a blonde trying to build a house

underwater?

A: A blonde trying to burn it down.

#joke #short #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 22 June 2011
  • Currently 3.64/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (33)

Dollars Equal Ten Cents


Theorem: 1$ = 10 cent
Proof:
We know that $1 = 100 cents
Divide both sides by 100
$ 1/100 = 100/100 cents
=> $ 1/100 = 1 cent
Take square root both side
=> squr($1/100) = squr (1 cent)
=> $ 1/10 = 1 cent
Multiply both side by 10
=> $1 = 10 cent

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 22 June 2011
  • Currently 3.47/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (32)

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