Jokes of the day for Thursday, 27 June 2019

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Thursday, 27 June 2019
  • Currently 9.52/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (1822)

Valentine's day in cinema

It was Valentine's day and Jim and Danielle's first date. They sat in the darkened cinema waiting for the film to start. The screen finally lit up with a flashy advertisement for the cinema's concession stand. Jim and Danielle realized that there was no sound. The film began but the silence continued.
Suddenly, out of the darkness, an irritated voice in the crowd loudly shouted, "Okay, who's got the remote control?"
#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 3.44/10

Rating: 3.4/10 (9)

Doctor told me I was going deaf

Three years ago my doctor told me I was going deaf...

I haven’t heard from him since

#joke #dadjoke #short #doctor
Joke | Source: Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 7.27/10

Rating: 7.3/10 (15)

Choking victim at the food court

“A man saw a choking victim at the food court of a famous New York museum. Naturally, he performed the Guggenheimlich manoeuvre.”

#joke #short #pun
Joke | Source: Pun of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous puns on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 2.83/10

Rating: 2.8/10 (12)

Have You Seen My Brother?

A penguin walks into a bar. He goes to the counter and asks the bartender, "Have you seen my brother?"
Bartender replies, "I don't know, what does he look like?"

#joke #short #walksintoabar
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 4.44/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (9)

Getting senile

An elderly man went to his doctor and said, "Doc, I think I'm getting senile. Several times lately, I have forgotten to zip up."

"That's not senility," replied the doctor. "Senility is when you forget to zip down."

#joke #short #doctor
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 8.00/10

Rating: 8.0/10 (16)

The hero

Joe is at the Pearly Gates waiting to be admitted while St. Peter is leafing through his files to see if Joe is worthy of entry.

"Joe," says St. Pete, "I can't see that you've done anything really bad in your life but I can't see that you've done anything really good that would qualify you for Heaven. Can you tell me ANY good deed you've ever done?"

Joe thinks for a moment and says "Sure. I was driving through a bad part of town when I saw about 50 biker guys assaulting this poor girl. I slammed on my brakes, grabbed a tire iron, and walked up to this big guy who seemed to be the leader. All these guys let the girl run away and they formed a circle around me to see what I was gonna do. I laid that tire iron right across his head and he dropped like a stone. Then I turned and yelled to the rest of them "If I ever see you guys around this town again, I'll give you a real lesson in pain."

"Wow" says St. Peter, "I guess you really do qualify for Heaven. Tell me, when did this happen?"

"Oh", says Joe, "about two minutes ago."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 02 July 2016
  • Currently 8.56/10

Rating: 8.6/10 (16)

Which is a winning combination of digits?

The computer chose a secret code (sequence of 4 digits from 1 to 6). Your goal is to find that code. Black circles indicate the number of hits on the right spot. White circles indicate the number of hits on the wrong spot.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

 Purchasing The Shoes


A shoeseller meets a mathematician and complains that he does not know what size shoes to buy. "No problem," says the mathematician, "there is a simple equation for that," and he shows him the Gaussian normal distribution. The shoeseller stares some time at het equation and asks, "What is that symbol?" "That is the Greek letter pi." "What is pi?" "That is the ratio between the circumference and the diameter of a circle." Upon this the shoeseller cries out: "What does a circle have to do with shoes?!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 11 July 2015
  • Currently 1.93/10

Rating: 1.9/10 (14)

Sinking boat

There's a boat sinking out at sea with men, women and children on it, along with a minister, a rabbi, and a priest.

The minister said, "Oh my god, will somebody think of the children."

The rabbi said, "fuck the children."

The priest said, "Do we have time?"

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 27 June 2010
  • Currently 4.04/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (57)

Nagasaki never had a bomb drop...

Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Chuck Norris jumped out of a plane and punched the ground.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 27 June 2011
  • Currently 2.40/10

Rating: 2.4/10 (43)

Cake

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by up to 90%.

It's called wedding cake.

Submitted by Calamjo

Edited by Curtis

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 27 June 2011
  • Currently 4.51/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (41)

Jim Gaffigan: Easier for Attractive People

Life is a little easier for attractive people. Think about it: if a stranger smiles at you and theyre attractive, you think, Oh, theyre nice, but if a strangers ugly, youre like, What do they want? Get away from me, weirdo.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 27 June 2011
  • Currently 3.97/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (34)

Jon Reep: Southern Accents

People think youre an idiot. I dont know where they get that idea. But when they hear my accent for the first time, I can tell theyre looking at me and theyre just waiting for me to say something like, What are shoes for?
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 27 June 2010
  • Currently 3.91/10

Rating: 3.9/10 (32)

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