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Jokes of the day for Monday, 01 July 2019

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Monday, 01 July 2019
  • Currently 9.54/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (2125)

“An apron trade is a

“An apron trade is a smock exchange.”

#joke #short
  • Currently 5.90/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (10)

Crocodile Shirt

The crocodile walked into a trendy menswear store, approached the assistant and asked, "Do you have any shirts with pictures of people on the pocket?"

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 5.14/10

Rating: 5.1/10 (14)

After a round of golf, four la

After a round of golf, four ladies sat around the club house, chatting.
Seeing the ladies, the Pro approached them and asked: "How did your game go?
The first lady, a brunette, said she had a good round ... making the comment that she actually had 25 riders.The Pro was a bit perplexed not knowing what a "Rider" was.
The second was a blonde lady who quickly chimed in and said that she had a very good round as well with 16 riders.
The third lady then said that her round was average and that she only had 10 riders.
The fourth lady admitted that she played the worst round of the day and that she only had 2 riders all day long.
The Pro was completely confused not knowing what the term "rider" meant. But, because he didn't want to look dumb, he made a quick polite remark, wished the ladies well and then left.
He then approached the bartender and asked "Hey, can you tell me what these ladies are talking about when they refer to "Riders"?"
The bartender simply smiled and said..."A 'Rider" is when you hit a shot long enough to ride on the golf cart to your ball.
#joke #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 01 February 2018
  • Currently 5.08/10

Rating: 5.1/10 (12)

The salesman was demonstrating...

The salesman was demonstrating unbreakable combs in the department store. He was impressing the people who stopped by to look by putting the comb through all sorts of torture and stress.
Finally to impress even the skeptics in the crowd, he bent the comb completely in half, and it snapped with a loud crack. Without missing a beat, he bravely held up both halves of the 'unbreakable' comb for everyone to see and said,
"And this, ladies and gentlemen, is what an unbreakable comb looks like on the inside..."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 23 January 2017
  • Currently 6.67/10

Rating: 6.7/10 (15)

Little Johnny and the math teacher...

The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, "Johnny! What are 4, 2, 28 and 44?"

Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, CBS, HBO, and the Cartoon Network!"

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 06 July 2016
  • Currently 7.59/10

Rating: 7.6/10 (17)

 New Mexico Crazy Law


  • State officials ordered 400 words of "sexually explicit material" to be cut from Romeo and Juliet.

    Carrizozo


  • It's forbidden for a female to appear unshaven in public.

    Las Cruces


  • You may not carry a lunchbox down Main Street.

    #joke
  • Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 27 January 2015
    • Currently 5.33/10

    Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

    FLEX WORDLE

    FLEX WORDLE Guess the WORDLE in 3 tries. After each guess, the color of the tiles will change to show how close your guess was to the solution.
    Source: Genius Brain Teasers - Jokes Of The Day Partner

    Now What? (world's funniest joke)

    Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. .

    He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". .

    The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." .

    There is a silence, then a shot is heard. .

    Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?" .

    This is The "world's funniest joke", as by the THE SCIENTIFIC SEARCH FOR THE WORLD’S FUNNIEST JOKE by Richard Wiseman, of the University of Hertfordshire in 2002

    The Winning joke, which was later found is based on a 1951 Goon Show sketch by Spike Milligan

    Photo by Rhett Noonan on Unsplash

    Happy International Joke Day July the first!

    #joke
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 27 November 2009
    • Currently 8.57/10

    Rating: 8.6/10 (21)

    An old man lived alone in Idah...

    An old man lived alone in Idaho. He wanted to spade his potato garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, Bubba, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.
    Dear Bubba:
    I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me.
    Love, Dad
    A few days later, he received a letter from his son.
    Dear Dad:
    For heaven's sake, Dad, don't dig up that garden. That's where I buried the BODIES.
    Love, Bubba
    At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local Police showed up and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left.
    That same day, the old man received another letter from his son.
    Dear Dad:
    Go ahead and plant the potatoes now. It's the best I could do under the circumstances.
    Love, Bubba
    #joke
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 01 July 2015
    • Currently 8.94/10

    Rating: 8.9/10 (47)

    John Oliver: Falling in Love with America

    It was like falling in love with a girl who was just throwing up all over herself -- softly holding her hair back and whispering to her that everything was going to be alright. To me, thats what the last eight years were like, here in America: projectile vomiting all over yourself as the rest of the world rubbed your back, saying, Sssshhh, thats it. Let it all out.
    #joke
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 01 July 2010
    • Currently 4.11/10

    Rating: 4.1/10 (46)

    French fries

    There was once a sheep farmer who had a French farmhand working with him to help castrate his sheep.

    As the farmer castrated the first sheep, the French farmhand took the parts and was about to throw them into the trash.

    "No!" yelled the farmer, "Don't throw those away! My wife fries them up, and we eat them, they're delicious! They're called Sheep Fries!"

    The farmhand saved the parts and took them to the farmer's wife who cooked them up for supper. This went on for three days....and each evening they had Sheep Fries for supper.

    On the fourth night the farmer came in to the house for supper.

    He asked his wife where the farmhand was, and she replied, "It's the strangest thing! When he came in and asked what was for supper, I told him French Fries, and he ran like hell!"

    Submitted by Calamjo

    EDited by Tanilazing

    #joke
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 01 July 2011
    • Currently 5.17/10

    Rating: 5.2/10 (42)

    Ralphie May - Dora the Explorer

    Have you seen this show? If you havent, its about a five-year-old little Mexican girl thats always lost. It should be called Dora the Amber Alert.
    #joke #short
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 01 July 2012
    • Currently 3.72/10

    Rating: 3.7/10 (39)

    Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer

    A Russian couple was walking down the street in St. Petersburg the other night, when the man felt a drop hit his nose. "I think it's raining," he said to his wife.

    "No, that felt more like snow to me," she replied. "No, I'm sure it was just rain, he said." Well, as these things go, they were about to have a major argument about whether it was raining or snowing. Just then they saw a minor communist party official walking toward them. "Let's not fight about it," the man said, "let's ask Comrade Rudolph whether it's officially raining or snowing."

    As the official approached, the man said, "Tell us, Comrade Rudolph, is it officially raining or snowing?"

    "It's raining, of course," he answered and walked on. But the woman insisted: "I know that felt like snow!" To which the man quietly replied: "Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear!"

    #joke
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 01 July 2010
    • Currently 5.53/10

    Rating: 5.5/10 (38)

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