Jokes of the day for Wednesday, 02 October 2019

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Wednesday, 02 October 2019
  • Currently 2.33/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (3)

Coming Home

A woman calls her mother.
'My husband and I have been fighting so much lately. I am going to come live with you again.'
Her mother replies, 'No dear, he should pay for his mistakes. I am coming to live with you.'

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Friars Club - For over 25 years the Sunshine Committee has been providing entertainment, companionship and love to children's and senior citizens centers in the NY area.
  • Currently 7.67/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (6)

Spiritual renewal

“If you are seeking spiritual renewal and new zeal land in Christchurch!”

#joke #short
  • Currently 2.44/10

Rating: 2.4/10 (9)

We haven't had any for some weeks now

A store manager overheard a clerk saying to a customer, "No, ma'am, we haven't had any for some weeks now, and it doesn't look as if we'll be getting any soon."

Alarmed, the manager rushed over to the customer who was walking out the door and said, "That isn't true, ma'am. Of course, we'll have some soon. In fact, we placed an order for it a couple of weeks ago."

The manager then drew the clerk aside and growled, "Never, never, never, never say we don't have something. If we don't have it, say we ordered it and it's on its way.

"Now, what was it she wanted?"

The clerk answered, "Snow."

#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 8.08/10

Rating: 8.1/10 (12)

Rubik’s Cube Life

Life is like a Rubik's cube...
Easy to mess up, hard to solve.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (4)

A woman walks into a bank in N

A woman walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer tells her that the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan, so the woman hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce that's parked on the street in front of the bank.
Everything checks out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. An employee drives the Rolls Royce into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.
Two weeks later, the woman returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer approaches her and says:
"We are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we're a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked out your accounts and found that you were a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"
"Well, where else in Manhattan can I park my car for two weeks for fifteen bucks?"
#joke
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 8.85/10

Rating: 8.9/10 (20)

Arrived safely

Mr. Johnson, a businessman from Wisconsin, went on a business trip to Louisiana. He immediately sent an e-mail back home to his wife, Jennifer to let her know he had arrived safely.

Unfortunately, he miss typed a letter and the e-mail ended up going to a Mrs. Joan Johnson, the wife of a preacher who had just passed away.

The preacher's wife took one look at the e-mail and promptly fainted. When she was finally revived, she nervously pointed to the message, which read: "Arrived safely, but it sure is hot down here."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 07 October 2016
  • Currently 8.55/10

Rating: 8.5/10 (22)

Calculate the number 933

NUMBERMANIA: Calculate the number 933 using numbers [4, 2, 7, 5, 90, 491] and basic arithmetic operations (+, -, *, /). Each of the numbers can be used only once.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

 Knock Knock Collection 099


Knock Knock
Who's there?
Jaguar!
Jaguar who?
Jaguar nimble, Jaguar quick!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Jaimie!
Jaimie who!
Jaimie a game of chess!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Jamaica!
Jamaica who?
Jamaica mistake!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
James!
James who!
James people play!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Jan!
Jan who?
Jan of Green Gables!

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 16 July 2016
  • Currently 1.44/10

Rating: 1.4/10 (9)

This morning I went to sign my

This morning I went to sign my Dog up for welfare. At first the lady said, "Dogs are not eligible to draw welfare". So I explained to her that my Dog is a mix in color, unemployed, lazy, can't speak English and has no frigging clue who his Daddy is. He expects me to feed him, provide him with housing and medical care, and feel guilty because he is a dog.
So she looked in her policy book to see what it takes to qualify. My Dog gets his first check Friday.
This is a great country!
#joke #friday
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 02 October 2018
  • Currently 4.63/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (73)

A 90-year-old man said to his...

A 90-year-old man said to his doctor, "I've never felt better. I have an18-year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think about that?"
The doctor considered his question for a minute and then said, "I have anelderly friend who is a hunter and never misses a season. One day when he wasgoing out in a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his umbrella insteadof his gun. When he got to the Creek, he saw a beaver sitting beside thestream. He raised his umbrella and went, 'bang, bang' and the beaver fell dead.What do you think of that?"
The 90-year-old said, "I'd say somebody else shot that beaver."
The doctor replied, "My point exactly."
#joke #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 02 October 2017
  • Currently 8.64/10

Rating: 8.6/10 (50)

Working late

It had taken him several months, but the executive vice president had finally persuaded his new secretary to bend over the back of his leather couch and allow him to have sex with her that way.

"And just where have you been until this hour?" demanded his wife, when the wayward husband finally arrived home.

"Down at the office," he replied, "working like a dog."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 02 October 2011
  • Currently 4.31/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (39)

The Umbrella

A 90-year-old man said to his doctor, "I've never felt better. I have an 18-year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think about that?"
The doctor considered his question for a minute and then said, "I have an elderly friend who is a hunter and never misses a season. One day when he was going out in a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his umbrella instead of his gun. When he got to the Creek, he saw a beaver sitting beside the stream. He raised his umbrella and went, 'bang, bang' and the beaver fell dead. What do you think of that?"
The 90-year-old said, "I'd say somebody else shot that beaver."
The doctor replied, "My point exactly."

#joke #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 02 October 2012
  • Currently 7.39/10

Rating: 7.4/10 (28)

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