Jokes of the day for Saturday, 05 October 2019

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Saturday, 05 October 2019
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

Monkey has grown hair

An 11 year old girl realized that she had started to grow hair between her legs. she got worried and asked her mummy about the hair.

Her mom calmly said, "That part where hair has grown is called a monkey, be proud that your monkey has grown hair."

Next morning at breakfast she told her sister, "My monkey has grown hair."

Her sister smiled and said, "That's nothing, mine is already eating bananas."

#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 6.44/10

Rating: 6.4/10 (9)

Split in Two

How was Rome split in two?
With a pair of Ceasars.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 4.88/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (8)

Bald now

“He is bald now, but he once had a proud heritage.”

#joke #short
  • Currently 3.22/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (18)

Grandma & The Speeding Ticket

An elderly couple was driving across the country.
The woman was driving when she got pulled over by the highway patrol.
The officer said, “Ma’am did you know you were speeding?”

The woman, hard of hearing, turns to her husband and asks, “What did he say?”
The old man yells, “He says you were speeding!”

The patrolman says, “May I see your license?”
The woman turns to her husband and asks again, “What did he say?”
The old man yells, “He wants to see your license!”
The woman gave the officer her license.

The patrolman says, “I see you are from Arkansas. I spent some time there once and went on a blind date with the ugliest woman I’ve ever seen.”
The woman turned to her husband and asked, “What did he say?”
And the old man yells, “He said he knows you!”

#joke
Joke | Source: Friars Club - For over 25 years the Sunshine Committee has been providing entertainment, companionship and love to children's and senior citizens centers in the NY area.
  • Currently 6.58/10

Rating: 6.6/10 (12)

 Answering Machine Message 139


If this were the best of all possible worlds, I could come to the phone right now, but I can't, so if you could leave your name and number...

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 17 April 2019
  • Currently 3.38/10

Rating: 3.4/10 (13)

The elevator

An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, especially two shiny walls that could move apart, and back together again.

The boy asked his father, "What is this father?"

The father (having never seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is."

While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady, limping slightly, and with a cane, slowly walks up to the moving walls, and presses a button. The walls opened, and the lady walks between them, into a small room. The walls closed.

The boy and his father watched as small circles of lights with numbers above the wall light up. They continued to watch the circles light up, in reverse direction now. The walls opened up again, and a beautiful young blonde stepped out...

The father said to his son, "GO GET YOUR MOTHER!!!"

#joke #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 10 October 2016
  • Currently 8.85/10

Rating: 8.9/10 (20)

Find number abc

If 76acc - 10ba3 = 663ab find number abc. Multiple solutions may exist.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Even when the man is listening what wife liked for her birthday

A man asked his wife what she'd like for her birthday. "I'd love to be six again," she replied. On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a local theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear, everything there was! Wow!
Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park, her head reeling and her stomach upside down. Right to a McDonald's they went, where her husband ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake. Then it was off to a movie, the latest Star Wars epic, a hot dog, popcorn, soda, and M&Ms. What a fabulous adventure!
Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed. He leaned over and lovingly asked, "Well, dear, what was it like being six again?"
One eye opened. "You idiot, I meant my dress size."
The moral of this story: Even when the man is listening, he's still gonna get it wrong.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 12 January 2016
  • Currently 8.81/10

Rating: 8.8/10 (27)

Alfred Robles: Girl Like a Report Card

I want a girl that reminds me of my report card: her face has to be an A, she has to have double DDs, cause tonight I want to F.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 05 October 2011
  • Currently 2.52/10

Rating: 2.5/10 (54)

Paper beats rock, rock beats s...

Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, but Chuck Norris beats all 3 at the same time.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 05 October 2011
  • Currently 3.85/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (52)

 I Get No Respect 04


"I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said... Are you going to hate yourself in the morning? She said.. No..I hate myself now."
"I had a girlfriend that was so fat her belly button made an echo."
"I had a girlfriend that was so fat she had her own postal code."
"I had a girlfriend that was so fat she had a dress with a sign on the back saying...Caution Wide Load."
"My girlfriend was so fat her clothes were made by Omar the tent maker"
"One day I ran into my girlfriend with my car. She asked me why I didn't ride around her. I told her that I didn't think I had enough gas"
"I had a girlfriend that was so fat her bikini was made out of two bed sheets."
"I knew a girl that was so ugly that... her mother ripped in two when she had her."
"I knew a girl that was so ugly that... She uses a septic tank for a toilet."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 05 October 2017
  • Currently 1.55/10

Rating: 1.6/10 (40)

Porch or Lexus?

A blonde wanting to earn extra money decided to do odd jobs for her wealthy neighbors. At the first house, the owner said,"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?

"$50" she replies

The man agrees and gives her the paint and brushes and goes back in the house. The man's wife overheard their conversation and asked him if she had realized that the porch goes all around the house. "She should. She was standing on it"

A short time later the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You've finished already?" the man asked.

"Yeah, and i had paint left over so i gave two coats."

Impressed the man reaches for the money. "And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a porch. Its a Lexus."

#joke #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 05 October 2011
  • Currently 6.68/10

Rating: 6.7/10 (34)

Knock Knock Collection 189


Knock Knock
Who's there?
Walt!
Walt who?
Walt till your father gets home!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Walter!
Walter who?
Walter-wall carpeting!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Wanda!
Wanda who?
Wanda buy some Girl Scout cookies!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Wannetta!
Wannetta who?
Wannetta time please!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Warner!
Warner who?
Warner you coming out to play!

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 05 October 2011
  • Currently 3.71/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (34)

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