Jokes of the day for Sunday, 06 October 2019

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Sunday, 06 October 2019
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

A salesman was testifying in h

A salesman was testifying in his divorce proceedings against his wife.
"Please describe," said his attorney, "the incident that first caused you to entertain suspicions as to your wife's infidelity."
"Well, I'm pretty much on the road all week," the man testified. "So naturally when I am home, I'm attentive to the wife."
"One Sunday morning," he continued, "we were in the midst of some pretty heavy love-making when the old lady in the apartment next door pounded on the wall and yelled, 'Can't you at least stop all that racket on the weekends?'"
#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 7.59/10

Rating: 7.6/10 (17)

Three old Italian spinsters di

Three old Italian spinsters die and go to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, they are met by St. Peter.
He says "Ladies, you all led such wonderful lives that I'm granting you six months to go back to earth and be anyone you want to be.
The first spinster says, "I want to be Sophia Loren;" and *poof* she's gone.
The second says, "I want to be Madonna;" and *poof* she's gone.
The third says, "I want to be Sara Pipalini."
St. Peter looks perplexed. "Who?" he says.
"Sara Pipalini" replies the old spinster.
St. Peter shakes his head and says; "I'm sorry, but that name just doesn't ring a bell."
The old gal then takes a newspaper out of her purse and hands it to St. Peter. He reads the paper and starts laughing. He hands it back to her and says "No, my dear woman, the paper says it was the 'Sahara Pipeline' that was laid by 1,400 men in 6 months."
#joke
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 4.67/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (6)

Two Words

First grade teacher: "There are two words I don't allow in my class. One is 'gross' and the other is 'cool.'"
Rachel: "Yeah? So, what are the words?"

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 7.20/10

Rating: 7.2/10 (5)

Bald now

“He is bald now, but he once had a proud heritage.”

#joke #short
  • Currently 3.22/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (18)

Grandma & The Speeding Ticket

An elderly couple was driving across the country.
The woman was driving when she got pulled over by the highway patrol.
The officer said, “Ma’am did you know you were speeding?”

The woman, hard of hearing, turns to her husband and asks, “What did he say?”
The old man yells, “He says you were speeding!”

The patrolman says, “May I see your license?”
The woman turns to her husband and asks again, “What did he say?”
The old man yells, “He wants to see your license!”
The woman gave the officer her license.

The patrolman says, “I see you are from Arkansas. I spent some time there once and went on a blind date with the ugliest woman I’ve ever seen.”
The woman turned to her husband and asked, “What did he say?”
And the old man yells, “He said he knows you!”

#joke
Joke | Source: Friars Club - For over 25 years the Sunshine Committee has been providing entertainment, companionship and love to children's and senior citizens centers in the NY area.
  • Currently 6.58/10

Rating: 6.6/10 (12)

 Wyoming Crazy Law


  • You may not take a picture of a rabbit during the month of June.
  • It is illegal to wear a hat that obstructs people's view in a public theater or place of amusement.
  • It is illegal for women to stand within five feet of a bar while drinking.

    Cheyenne


  • Citizens may not take showers on Wednesdays.

    #joke
  • Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 21 May 2017
    • Currently 9.00/10

    Rating: 9.0/10 (5)

    MAGIC SQUARE: Calculate A*B-C

    The aim is to place the some numbers from the list (4, 5, 13, 14, 15, 23, 30, 31, 39, 97) into the empty squares and squares marked with A, B an C. Sum of each row and column should be equal. All the numbers of the magic square must be different. Find values for A, B, and C. Solution is A*B-C.
    CHECK ANSWER
    Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

    Doc...You've got to help me!

    "Doc," said the young man lying down on the couch, "You've got to help me! Every night I have the same horrible dream. I'm lying in bed when all of a sudden five drop dead gorgeous women rush in and start tearing off my clothes."

    The psychiatrist nodded, "And what do you do?"

    "I push them away!"

    "I see. And what can I do to help you with this?"

    The patient implored, "Please, Break my arms!"

    #joke
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 11 October 2016
    • Currently 6.00/10

    Rating: 6.0/10 (8)

    An Alabama preacher said to hi...

    An Alabama preacher said to his congregation, "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan.
    This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate.
    I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who did this to stand and ask forgiveness From God and this Christian Family."
    No one moved.
    The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression."
    Again all was quiet.
    Then slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop traffic rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke, "Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding.I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets."
    The preacher fell to his knees, his wife fainted, and the congregation roared!
    #joke #blonde
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 06 October 2016
    • Currently 8.98/10

    Rating: 9.0/10 (49)

    Nuns Confessional

    Four nuns are standing in line for confession. The first nun goes into the confessional and says bless me father for I have sinned I touched a man’s private parts.

    The priest asks, "What part of your body did you use?"

    The nun replies, "My right hand."

    The priest tells her to dip her right hand in holy water say 10 hail Mary’s and all will be forgiven.

    The second nun goes into the confessional and says, "Bless me father for I have sinned I touched a mans private parts."

    The priest asks, "What part of your body did you use?"

    The nun replies, "My left hand." The priest tells her to dip her left hand in the holy water say 10 hail Mary’s and all will be forgiven.

    Well, this leaves the third and fourth nun standing in line. The fourth nun taps the third nun on the shoulder and asks, "Would you mind if I went first?"

    The third nun says, "Sure I don't care, but would mind telling me why?"

    The fourth nun replies, "Well, I would like to drink the water before you have to sit in it!"

    #joke
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 06 October 2010
    • Currently 7.36/10

    Rating: 7.4/10 (44)

    We live in an expanding univer...

    We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.
    #joke #short #chucknorris
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 06 October 2011
    • Currently 3.92/10

    Rating: 3.9/10 (39)

    Mommy Mommy 13


    Mommy, Mommy! I like my brother very much.
    All right, you can take another slice.


    Mommy, Mommy! I don't want to empty the compost heap.
    Shut up and keep eating.


    Mommy, Mommy! I don't like fishing.
    Shut up and stop squirming.


    Mommy, Mommy! Suzi got run over by a steamroller.
    Shut up. I'm in the bathroom, slide her under the door.
    [Alt answer] Shut up and get the maple syrup.


    "Come upstairs, son, like a good boy."
    "No, Mommy, you'll only throw me down again."

    #joke
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 06 October 2011
    • Currently 3.79/10

    Rating: 3.8/10 (38)

    Two Old Drunks

    Two old drunks are sitting in a bar when the first one says, "Ya know, when I was thirty and got an erection, I couldn't bend it, even using both hands.
    By the time I was forty, I could bend it about ten degrees if I tried really hard.
    By the time I was fifty, I could bend it about forty five degrees, no problem.
    I'm gonna be sixty next week, and now I can bend it in half with just one hand."
    "So," says the second drunk, "what's your point?"
    "Well, I'm just wondering how much stronger I'm gonna get."
    #joke
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 06 October 2010
    • Currently 7.11/10

    Rating: 7.1/10 (36)

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