Jokes of the day for Wednesday, 30 October 2019

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Wednesday, 30 October 2019
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

30 Funny Skeleton Halloween Jokes

Q) Why wouldn't the skeleton go skydiving?
A) He didn't have the guts for it.

Q) How do you make a skeleton laugh?
A) Tickle his funny bone.

Q) Why wasn't the skeleton afraid of the policeman?
A) He knew they couldn't pin anything on him.

Q) What room can a skeleton not go into?
A) The living room

Q) Why do skeletons make bad miners?
A) Because they only go six feet under

Q) How did the skeleton know that it was going to rain?
A) He could feel it in his bones.

Q) What did the skeleton order at the restaurant?
A) Spare ribs

Q) What did the skeleton say to the bartender?
A) I'll have a beer and a mop.

Q) What did the skeleton wear on Halloween?
A) A human costume

Q) Why are skeletons always so calm?
A) Because nothing gets under their skin

Q) What do skeletons say before they begin eating?
A) Bon appetit!

Q) Why don't skeletons play music in church?
A) Because they have no organs.

Q) What's a skeleton's favorite weapon?
A) A bow and marrow.

Q) Where did the skeleton keep his pet bird?
A) In his rib cage

Q) What do you call a skeleton who uses the doorbell?
A) A dead ringer

Q) What do you call the lie told by a skeleton?
A) A little fib-ula

Q) What do skeletons do on New Year's Eve?
A) Eat, drink and be scary

Q) Why did the skeleton cross the road?
A) To go to the body shop

Q) What did the boss call his incompetent employee?
A) A bonehead

Q) What did the skeleton say when he rode his Harley?
A) Bone to be wild!

Q) Why did the little skeleton want to quit the football team?
A) Because his heart wasn't in it

Q) Why didn't the little skeleton want to get up in the morning?
A) He was a lazy bones.

Q) Where do teenage skeletons go to class?
A) High skull

Q) What instrument did the little skeleton want to play?
A) The trombone

Q) Why wouldn't the little skeleton eat the cafeteria food?
A) He didn't have the stomach for it.

Q) Why did the mother keep telling the little skeleton to drink his milk?
A) Because milk is good for the bones

Q) Why did the little skeleton laugh at the joke?
A) Because he thought it was humerus

Q) Why did the little skeleton do extra work?
A) Because he wanted the bone-us points

Q) Why didn't the little skeleton want to go to the dance?
A) He had no body to go with.

Q) What instrument did the little skeleton want to play?
A) The trombone

Q) Why wouldn't the little skeleton eat the cafeteria food?
A) He didn't have the stomach for it.

Q) Why did the little skeleton hate the winter?
A) Because the wind went right through him

#joke #policeman #halloween #newyear #beer
Joke | Source: Hand picked jokes - Daily Jokes hand picked from various locations
  • Currently 8.44/10

Rating: 8.4/10 (9)

Ten Witch Jokes for Halloween

Q) Why do witches wear name tags?
A) So they will know which witch is which.

Q) What do you call two witches sharing an apartment?
A) Broom-mates

Q) What is a little witch's favorite subject in school?
A) Spell-ing

Q) How does a witch tell time?
A) She looks at her witch-watch.

Q) Why did the witch give up fortune telling?
A) Because there was no future in it.

Q) What is the difference between a witch and the letters "M, A, K, E, S?"
A) One makes spells and the other spells "makes."

Q) What did the witch serve her friends who dropped in at dinner time?
A) Potluck

Q) How do you make a witch itch?
A) Take away the "w."

Q) Why is a witch's face like a million dollars?
A) It's green and wrinkly.

Q) What do witches use on their hair?
A) Scare spray.

#joke #halloween
Joke | Source: Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 8.33/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (3)

TV control

“When my wife asked me where the TV control was, I had to tell her that I did not have the remotest idea.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous puns on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 5.40/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (5)

Claire, after retiring from a

Claire, after retiring from a busy life in business, travels around the country visiting antique shops trying to find bargains.
One day she goes to an antique shop in Stratford upon Avon, England. Here, Claire speaks to Victoria, the shop's owner, "When I was in here last week I saw a big mug with a flat head that holds a lot of beer. I'd like to buy it."
"Sorry," replied Victoria, "but I can't possibly sell you that."
"Oh, what a pity, but why not?" inquired Claire.
"Because," said the owner, "that's my husband."
#joke #beer
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 3.44/10

Rating: 3.4/10 (9)

 Lightbulb Joke Collection 69


Q: How many tech writers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None: "The user can work it out."
Q: How many tech writers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Just one, provided there's a programmer around to explain how to do it.
Q: How many tech writers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None: It should be obvious to an intelligent user.
Q: How many Technical Support staff does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: "Well, we have an exact copy of your light bulb here and it seems to be working OK. Can you be more specific about the exact problem ?..."
Q: How many Technical Support staff does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: I'm sorry, we don't support that kind of lighting technology.
Q: How many WordPerfect support technicians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: We have an exact copy of the light bulb here, and it seems to be working fine. Can you tell me what kind of system you have? Ok. Now, exactly how dark is it? Ok, there could be four or five things wrong . . . have you tried the light switch?
Q: How many MIS guys does it take to change a light bulb?
A: MIS has received your request concerning your hardware problem, and has assigned your request Service Number 39712. Please use this number for any future reference to this light bulb issue. As soon as a technician becomes available, you will be contacted.
Q: How many first-time computer users does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: One, but it takes him three hours and two phone calls to the electrician before he realizes he forgot to turn the switch on.

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 3.60/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (5)

Coincidence

A little boy in my infant class came into school and told me he could spell his mum’s name.
“M-U-M,” he said proudly.
Before I could congratulate him, another little boy said excitedly, “That’s how you spell my mum’s name too!”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 8.25/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (8)

Remove 5 letters from this seq...

Remove 5 letters from this sequence (NABUBUBALGE) to reveal a familiar English word.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip, set up their tent, and fall asleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes his faithful friend.
'Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.'
Watson replies, 'I see millions of stars.'
'What does that tell you?'
Watson ponders for a minute.' Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?
Holmes is silent for a moment, then speaks. 'Watson, you idiot, someone has stolen our tent.'
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 15 March 2019
  • Currently 6.80/10

Rating: 6.8/10 (10)

Now that I'm older....here's what I've discovered...

1. I started out with nothing ... I still have most of it.

2. When did my wild oats turn to prunes and All-Bran?

3. I finally got my head together; now my body is falling apart.

4. Funny, I don't remember being absent minded.

5. All reports are in. Life is now officially unfair.

6. If all is not lost, where is it?

7. It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.

8. The first rule of holes: If you are in one, stop digging.

9. I went to school to become a wit, only got halfway through.

10. Some days you're the dog, some days you're the hydrant.

11. A day without sunshine is like a day in Seattle.

12. Kids in the back seat cause accidents; accidents in the back seatcause kids.

13. It's not the pace of life that concerns me; it's the sudden stop atthe end.

14. It's hard to make a comeback, especially when you haven't beenanywhere.

15. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.

16. When you're finally holding all the cards, why does everyone elsedecide to play chess?

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 04 November 2016
  • Currently 7.67/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (6)

Q. Why is it so hard for women...

Q. Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
A. Because those men already have boyfriends.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 30 October 2009
  • Currently 4.97/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (58)

Playing Golf with God

Three men were playing golf. The course was a wicked dogleg with a large water hazard.
The first man stepped up to the tee and hit a sharp slice into the water hazard. He walked up to the water; it parted and he lofted his ball within one foot of the hole.
The next man steped up and hit the ball. Sure enough, he sliced it so that it landed on top of the water. He walked across the surface of the water and and hit the ball within six inches of the hole.The third man stepped up, hit the ball, and sliced it. The ball was just about to land in the water when a trout jumped out of the water and grabbed it in his mouth. An eagle swooped down, scooped up the fish, and flew off. As the eagle banked over the green, lightning struck it, it dropped the fish, the fish dropped the ball, and it landed in the hole for a hole in one.
Moses turned to Jesus and said, "I really hate playing golf with your Dad."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 30 October 2011
  • Currently 6.73/10

Rating: 6.7/10 (30)

A Rabbi, a Minister and a Wiccan Priestess...

A rabbi, a Unitarian Universalist minister, and a Wiccan priestess decided to go on a fishing trip together. They went down to their local lake, rented a boat, and went out on to the lake for a day of fishing.
As the afternoon approached, the trio got hungry—and realized that they left their lunches on the shore of the lake.
The minister got out of the boat, walked across the lake, got his lunch, walked back, and sat down to eat his lunch.
"You should have gotten all of our lunches!" scolded the priestess. She then got up, walked across the lake, picked up her lunch as well as the rabbi's, walked back across the lake, and sat down, handing the rabbi his afternoon meal.
The rabbi at this point is almost out of his mind, his eyes wide with shock. He manages to sputter, "Wha... what... how did you...?"
The minister grins at the priestess, nudges her, and asks "Do you think we should tell him about the rocks?"
The priestess looks at the minister, raises an eyebrow, and replies "What rocks?"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 30 October 2011
  • Currently 5.25/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (28)

Bigfoot takes pictures of Chuc...

Bigfoot takes pictures of Chuck Norris.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 30 October 2011
  • Currently 3.61/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (28)

Lewis Black: All the Candy Corn Ever Made

The worst thing about Halloween is, of course, candy corn. Candy corn is the only candy in the history of America thats never been advertised. And theres a reason -- all of the candy corn that was ever made was made in 1911.
#joke #short #halloween
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 30 October 2011
  • Currently 5.74/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (27)

Jokes Archive

NOTE: All jokes on this web site are property of the sites they are collected from. Web site Jokes of the day is not responsible for content of jokes. We are not trying to offend, just looking for a good laugh!! If you are offended by any of the jokes, please complain to the site jokes are coming from.
This site uses cookies to store information on your computer. Some are essential to help the site properly. Others give us insight into how the site is used and help us to optimize the user experience. See our privacy policy.