Jokes of the day for Sunday, 19 January 2020
| Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Sunday, 19 January 2020 |
We believe in rights for littl
We believe in rights for little people, and vigorously defend their freedom of reach.A Hawaii woodpecker and a Cali
A Hawaii woodpecker and a California woodpecker were arguing about whichplace had the toughest trees. The Hawaii woodpecker said Hawaii had a treethat no woodpecker could peck. The California woodpecker accepted hischallenge, and promptly pecked a hole in the tree with no problem. TheHawaiian woodpecker was in awe.The California woodpecker then challenged the Hawaiian woodpecker to pecka tree in California that was absolutely unpeckable. The Hawaiianwoodpecker expressed confidence he could do it, so accepted the challenge.After flying to California, the Hawaii woodpecker successfully pecked thetree with no problem.
So the two woodpeckers were now confused. How is it that the Californianwoodpecker was able to peck the Hawaiian tree and the Hawaiian woodpeckerwas able to peck the Californian tree, but neither one was able to peckthe tree in their own state?
After much woodpecker-pondering, they both came to the same conclusion -your pecker is always harder when you're away from home.
Recalled Chrstimas Toys
Recalled Christmas Toys
- Broken Bag-O-Glass
- Dr. Kevorkian First Aid Kit
- Jeffrey Domhers Easy Bake oven and cookbook
- Timothy McVays home Chemistry set
- Switchblade Barney
- Pork-n-Beany Babies
- Make your own moonshine kit
- Mike Tyson Doll (with ear biting action)
The Magician and Little Johnny
Mr. Magic: I can turn this handkerchief into a flower.
Little Johnny: That’s nothing. I can walk down the street and turn into an alley.
“I tried to mine diam
“I tried to mine diamonds but all I found was chalcedony, I'm sard to say.”
One night, an 87-year-old woma
One night, an 87-year-old woman came home from Bingo to find her 92 year old husband in bed with another woman. She became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th floor assisted-living apartment, killing him instantly.Brought before the court, on the charge of murder, she was asked if she had anything to say in defense of herself.
"Your Honor," she began coolly, "I figured that at 92, if he could screw, he could fly."
Special cow?
There was a nun whose old body began to surrender to time. Her doctor prescribed for her a shot of whiskey three times a day to relax her. Not to be lured into "worldly pleasures", she huffily declined.
But the Mother Superior knew the elderly sister loved milk. So she instructed the kitchen to spike the milk three times a day.
After a few more years, even that spiked milk couldn't help and the aged sister approached her final hour. As several nuns gathered around her at her bedside, the Mother Superior asked if she wanted to leave them with any words of wisdom.
"Oh, yes," she replied. "Never sell that cow!"
Can We....
On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple is involved in a fatal car accident. The couple find themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting, they begin to wonder: Could they possibly get married in Heaven?
When St. Peter showed up, they asked him. St. Peter said, ‘I don’t know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out,’ and he leaves.
The couple sat and waited, and waited. Two months passed and the couple are still waiting. While waiting, they began to wonder what would happen if it didn’t work out; could you get a divorce in heaven.
After yet another month, St. Peter finally returns, looking somewhat bedraggled. ‘Yes,’ he informs the couple, ‘you can get married in Heaven.’
‘Great!’ said the couple, ‘But we were just wondering, what if things don’t work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?’
St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard onto the ground.
‘What’s wrong?’ asked the frightened couple.
‘OH, COME ON!’, St. Peter shouted, ‘It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it’ll take me to find a lawyer?
To be or not to be? That is th...
To be or not to be? That is the question. The answer? Chuck Norris.Drunk date
A guy enters a bar and orders two shots of vodka. He drinks the first and dumps the second on his right hand.He then orders a second round of shots, drinks the first and again dumps the second on his right hand.
The bartender sees this and becomes curious as the guy orders a third round and does the exact same thing.
So the bartender asks the guy, "Hey man, I hope you don't mind me asking but why the waste of good drinks?"
So the man says, "I have to get my date drunk."
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Yisman
Stay out of the dorms...
On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules.
"The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $25 the first time."
He continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $50. Being caught a third time will incur a hefty fine of $100. Are there any questions?"
At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired:
"How much for a season pass?"
Stomach ache
A little girl went up to her mother one day while holding her stomach saying, "Mommy, my stomach hurts."
Her mother replied, "That's because it's empty. You have to put something into it!"
She then prepared a bowl of soup. Later that day the pastor and his wife came over for dinner.
The pastor began to feel bad. Holding his head he said, "I have such a terrible headache!"
The little girl looked up at him, giving him the sweetest smile that any little child could give. Then she said:
"That's because it's empty. You have to put something into it!"
Found on http://www.crochetnmore.com posted on May 15, 2005
Fun at the zoo!
Little Johnny wanted to go to the zoo and pestered his parents for days. Finally his mother talked his reluctant father into taking him.
"So how was it?" his mother asked when they returned home.
"Great," Little Johnny replied.
"Did you and your father have a good time?" asked his mother.
"Yeah, Daddy especially liked it," exclaimed Little Johnny excitedly, especially when one of the animals came home at 30 to 1!"