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Jokes of the day for Monday, 10 February 2020

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Monday, 10 February 2020

What's a lawyer's

What's a lawyer's favorite playground apparatus? The suings.
#joke #short #lawyer
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 4.67/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (6)

“Can punsters possess

“Can punsters possessing the acumen to puncture the bloated ego of another by his pun pricks be called an acupuncturist?”

#joke #short
  • Currently 3.75/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (8)

SLIDESHOW #121 - Funny Photo Slideshow

A blind guy on a bar stool sho

A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?"
In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something."
Our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 225, and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of us is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
#joke #blonde
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 6.43/10

Rating: 6.4/10 (14)

 Louisiana Crazy Law


  • It is illegal to gargle in public places.
  • It is illegal to rob a bank and then shoot at the bank teller with a water pistol.
  • Biting someone with your natural teeth is "simple assault," while biting someone with your false teeth is "aggravated assault."

    New Orleans


  • It illegal for a woman to drive a car unless her husband is waving a flag in front of it.
  • You may not tie an alligator to a fire hydrant.

    #joke
  • Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
    • Currently 3.00/10

    Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

    We haven't had any for some weeks now

    A store manager overheard a clerk saying to a customer, "No, ma'am, we haven't had any for some weeks now, and it doesn't look as if we'll be getting any soon."

    Alarmed, the manager rushed over to the customer who was walking out the door and said, "That isn't true, ma'am. Of course, we'll have some soon. In fact, we placed an order for it a couple of weeks ago."

    The manager then drew the clerk aside and growled, "Never, never, never, never say we don't have something. If we don't have it, say we ordered it and it's on its way.

    "Now, what was it she wanted?"

    The clerk answered, "Snow."

    #joke
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 02 October 2019
    • Currently 8.00/10

    Rating: 8.0/10 (16)

    Just A Big Mess

    After his marriage broke up, my manager became very philosophical. "I guess it was in our genes," he sighed.
    "What do you mean?" I asked.
    "Her sign is the one for earth. Mine is the one for water. Together we made mud."

    #joke #short
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 10 February 2019
    • Currently 6.27/10

    Rating: 6.3/10 (11)

    A quick drink...

    A cowboy runs into a bar and says to the bartender, "Give me twenty shots of your best scotch, and make it quick!"

    The bartender pours out the shots, and the cowboy drinks them as fast as he can.

    The bartender remarks, "I've never seen anybody drink that fast!"

    The cowboy replies, "Well, you'd drink that fast too if you had what I have."

    "What's that?" asks the bartender.

    "Only fifty cents!"

    #joke
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 15 February 2017
    • Currently 7.91/10

    Rating: 7.9/10 (11)

    Parking Ticket

    My wife and I went into town and visited a shop. When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.. We went up to him and I said, "come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?" He ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him an "asshole." He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn-out tires. So my wife called him a "butthead".

    He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing more tickets.

    This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote. He finally finished, sneered at us and walked away. Just then our bus arrived, and we got on it and went home.

    We always look for cars with Obama 2012 stickers. We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired. It’s so important at our age!!
    #joke
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 10 February 2015
    • Currently 5.83/10

    Rating: 5.8/10 (94)

    Teenage Daughters

    There's an Englishman, Irishman & Scotsman all talking about their teenage daughters...

    The Englishman says " I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day & I found a packet of cigarettes. I was really shocked as I didn't even know she smokes".

    The Scotsman says " That's nothing. I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day when I came across a half full bottle of Vodka. I was really shocked as I didn't even know she drank."

    With that the Irishman says " Both of you have got nothing to worry about. I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day when I found packet of condoms. I was really shocked. I didn't even know she had a cock."

    #joke
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 10 February 2009
    • Currently 5.37/10

    Rating: 5.4/10 (49)

    Do you know why the Cincinnati...

    Do you know why the Cincinnati Bengals were the last NFL team to get a website?
    Because they couldnt put three W's in a row.
    #joke #short
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 10 February 2009
    • Currently 5.63/10

    Rating: 5.6/10 (35)

    The Dyslexic Rabbi

    Q: Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
    A: He walks around saying "Yo."

    #joke #short
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 10 February 2012
    • Currently 4.27/10

    Rating: 4.3/10 (33)

    Zen Judaism

    Relinquishment will lead to calm and healing in your relationships. If that doesn't work, try small claims court.
    Though only your skin, sinews, and bones remain, though your blood and flesh dry up and wither away, yet shall you meditate and not stir until you have attained full Enlightenment. But, first, a little nosh.
    Accept misfortune as a blessing. Do not wish for perfect health or a life without problems. What would you talk about?
    Be here now. Be someplace else later. Is that so complicated?
    There is no escaping karma. In a previous life, you never called, you never wrote, you never visited. And whose fault was that?
    The Torah says, "Love thy neighbor as thyself." The Buddha says there is no "self." So, maybe you are off the hook.If there is no self, whose arthritis is this?
    Wherever you go, there you are. Your luggage is another story.
    Do not let children play contact sports like football. These only lead to injuries and instill a violent, warlike nature. Encourage your child to play peaceful games, like "sports doctor."
    The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single "oy."
    This joke is reprinted from "Zen Judaism: For You a Little Enlightenment" by David M. Bader (Harmony Books, 2002). All rights reserved.

    #joke #doctor
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 10 February 2011
    • Currently 4.85/10

    Rating: 4.9/10 (27)

    A trucker came into a truck st...

    A trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his order. He said, "I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards."
    The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook, "This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running Boards. What does he think this place is, an auto parts store?"
    "No," the cook said, "Three flat tires mean three pancakes, a pair of headlights is two eggs sunny side up, and running boards are 2 slices of crisp bacon."
    "Oh, OK!" said the blonde. She thought about it for a moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer.
    The trucker asked, "What are the beans for, Blondie?"
    She replied, "I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, headlights and running boards, you might as well gas up!"
    #joke #blonde
    Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
    • Currently 8.81/10

    Rating: 8.8/10 (27)

    You've Given Me A Gift

    At my friends' wedding reception, the groom stood to say a few words. He turned to his bride's mother. "You've given me a gift," he began, "a gift that..."
    Here he paused in thought, whereupon his mother-in-law completed the sentence, "That you can't return!"

    #joke
    Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
    • Currently 7.91/10

    Rating: 7.9/10 (11)

    A police officer pulls over th...

    A police officer pulls over this guy who's been weaving in and out of the lanes. He goes up to the guy's window and says, "Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube."
    The man says, "Sorry, officer, I can't do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that, I'll have a really bad asthma attack."
    "Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample."
    I can't do that either. I am a hemophiliac. If I do that, I'll bleed to death."
    "Well, then, we need a urine sample."
    "I'm sorry, officer, I can't do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that, I'll get really low blood sugar."
    "All right, then I need you to come out here and walk this white line."
    "I can't do that, officer."
    "Why not?"
    "Because I'm drunk."
    #joke
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 05 December 2009
    • Currently 6.15/10

    Rating: 6.2/10 (65)

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