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Jokes of the day for Wednesday, 04 March 2020

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Wednesday, 04 March 2020

When it comes to meat-eating,

When it comes to meat-eating, I enjoy venison, but I absolutely love faundue!
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 2.86/10

Rating: 2.9/10 (7)

A bunch of lawyers were sittin

A bunch of lawyers were sitting around the office playing poker.
"I win!" said Johnson.
Henderson threw down his cards. "That's it! I've had it! Johnson is cheating!!!"
"How can you tell?" Phillips asked.
"Those aren't the cards I dealt him!"
#joke #short #lawyer
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 5.08/10

Rating: 5.1/10 (12)

SLIDESHOW #2 - Funny Photo Slideshow

“That butane lighter

“That butane lighter may be stubborn, but it's no match for me!”

#joke #short
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (8)

A guy is 86 years old and love...

A guy is 86 years old and loves to fish.He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say,
"Pick me up."
He looked around and couldn't see any one. He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again,
"Pick me up." He looked in the water and there, floating on the top was a frog.
The man said, "Are you talking to me?"
The frog said, "Yes, I'm talking to you. Pick me up.Then, kiss me and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you haveever seen.
I'll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous because you will have me as your bride."
The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front breast pocket.
Then the frog said, "What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said?
I said kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride."
He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said,
"Nah, at my age I'd rather have a talking frog."
#joke
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 8.44/10

Rating: 8.4/10 (9)

 There Is A Blond On The Plane


A blonde gets an opportunity to fly to a nearby country. She has never been on an airplane anywhere and was very excited and tense. As soon as she boarded the plane, a Boeing747, she started jumping in excitement, running over seat to seat and starts shouting, "BOEING! BOEING!! BOEING!!! BO....."
She sort of forgets where she is, even the pilot in the cock-pit hears the noise. Annoyed by the goings on, the Pilot comes out and shouts "Be silent!"
There was pin-drop silence everywhere and everybody is looking at the blonde and the angry Pilot. She stared at the pilot in silence for a moment, concentrated really hard, and all of a sudden started shouting, "OEING! OEING! OEING! OE...."

#joke #blonde
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 6.60/10

Rating: 6.6/10 (20)

What Does That Mean?

Teacher: Are you good in history?
Little Johnny: Yes and no.
Teacher: What does that mean?
Little Johnny: Yes, I’m no good in history.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 7.44/10

Rating: 7.4/10 (9)

You CAN take it with you?

There once was a rich man who was near death. He was very grieved because he had worked so hard for his money and he wanted to be able to take it with him to heaven. So he began to pray that he might be able to take some of his wealth with him.

An angel hears his plea and appears to him. "Sorry, but you can't take your wealth with you." The man implores the angel to speak to God to see if He might bend the rules.

The man continues to pray that his wealth could follow him. The angel reappears and informs the man that God has decided to allow him to take one suitcase with him. Overjoyed, the man gathers his largest suitcase and fills it with pure gold bars and places it beside his bed.

Soon afterward the man dies and shows up at the Gates of Heaven to greet St. Peter. St. Peter seeing the suitcase says, "Hold on, you can't bring that in here!"

But the man explains to St. Peter that he has permission and asks him to verify his story with the Lord. Sure enough, St. Peter checks and comes back saying, "You're right. You are allowed one carry-on bag, but I'm supposed to check its contents before letting it through."

St. Peter opens the suitcase to inspect the worldly items that the man found too precious to leave behind and exclaims, "You brought pavement?!!!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 10 March 2017
  • Currently 8.48/10

Rating: 8.5/10 (33)

Old flame...

A couple was dining out when the wife noticed a familiar face at the bar. She recognized him as an old flame.

"Honey," she said to her husband, as she pointed out the man, "that guy at the bar has been drinking like that since I left him seven years ago."

Her husband said, "That's silly, no one celebrates that much!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 04 March 2009
  • Currently 7.36/10

Rating: 7.4/10 (53)

One Sunday a pastor told the c...

One Sunday a pastor told the congregation that the church needed some extra money and asked the people to prayerfully consider giving a little extra in the offering plate. He said that whoever gave the most would be able to pick out three hymns.
After the offering plates were passed, the pastor glanced down and noticed that someone had placed a $1,000 bill in offering. He was so excited that he immediately shared his joy with his congregation and said he'd like to personally thank the person who placed the money in the plate.
A very quiet, elderly and saintly lady all the way in the back shyly raised her hand. The pastor asked her to come to the front. Slowly she made her way to the pastor. He told her how wonderful it was that she gave so much and in thanksgiving asked her to pick out three hymns.
Her eyes brightened as she looked over the congregation, pointed to the three handsomest men in the building and said, "I'll take him and him and him."
#joke #thanksgiving
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 04 March 2015
  • Currently 8.49/10

Rating: 8.5/10 (51)

Good news and bad news

A woman phones up her husband at work for a chat.

HIM "I'm sorry dear but I'm up to my neck in work today."

HER "But I've got some good news and some bad news for you dear."

HIM "OK darling, but as I've got no time now, just give me the good news."

HER "Well, the air bag works."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 04 March 2016
  • Currently 7.97/10

Rating: 8.0/10 (38)

Frank always looked on the bri

Frank always looked on the bright side. He would constantly irritate his friends with his eternal optimism. No matter how horrible the circumstance, he would always reply "It could have been worse." To cure him of his annoying habit, his friends decided to invent a situation so completely bad, so terrible, that even Frank could find no hope in it.
On the golf course one day, one of them said, "Frank, did you hear about Tom?"
"He came home last night, found his wife in bed with another man, shot them both and then turned the gun on himself!"
"That's awful," said Frank, "but it could have been worse."
"How in the hell," asked his bewildered friend, "could it have been worse?"
"Well," replied Frank, "if it happened the night before, I'd be dead now!"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 04 March 2019
  • Currently 9.00/10

Rating: 9.0/10 (32)

One day the great philosopher...

One day the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance who ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard aboutone of your students?"
"Wait a moment," Socrates replied. "Before you tell me I'd like you topass a little test. It's called the Test of Three."
"Three?"
"That's right," Socrates continued. "Before you talk to me about my student let's take a moment to test what you're going to say. The first test is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?"
"Oh no," the man said, "actually I just heard about it."
"All right," said Socrates. "So you don't really know if it's true or not. Now let's try the second test, the test of Goodness. Is what youare about to tell me about my student something good?"
"No, on the contrary..."
"So," Socrates interrupted, "you want to tell me something bad about him even though you're not certain it's true?"
The man shrugged, a little embarrassed.
Socrates continued. "You may still pass though, because there is a third test - the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my student going to be useful to me?"
"Well it....no, not really..."
"Well," concluded Socrates, "if what you want to tell me is neither True nor Good nor even Useful, why tell it to me at all?"
The man was defeated and ashamed. This is the reason Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem.
It also explains why he never found out that Plato was having an affairwith his wife.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 04 March 2016
  • Currently 7.88/10

Rating: 7.9/10 (32)

Teenage Daughters

There's an Englishman, Irishman & Scotsman all talking about their teenage daughters...

The Englishman says " I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day & I found a packet of cigarettes. I was really shocked as I didn't even know she smokes".

The Scotsman says " That's nothing. I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day when I came across a half full bottle of Vodka. I was really shocked as I didn't even know she drank."

With that the Irishman says " Both of you have got nothing to worry about. I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day when I found packet of condoms. I was really shocked. I didn't even know she had a cock."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 12 July 2016
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (10)

International Kissing Day Jokes

July 6th is International Kissing Day! Find out some jokes about it!

Do you ever wake up, kiss the person sleeping beside you and be glad that you're alive?
Apparently, I did and won’t be allowed on Hawaiian Airlines again...

Why was the computer cold?
It left its Windows open! (It's not related to kissing but it's hard to tell a joke about kissing that isn't a pun!);

He said he would kiss me or die in the attempt.
Well?
He has no life-insurance, and I pitied his poor old mother.

The problem with kissing a perfect 10
… is how cold the mirror feels on your lips

#joke #short #KissingDay #InternationalKissingDay
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (4)

A fellow nurse at my hospital ...

A fellow nurse at my hospital received a call from an anxious patient.
"I'm diabetic and I'm afraid I've had too much sugar today." the caller said.
"Are you light-headed?" my colleague asked.
"No," the caller answered, "I'm a brunette."
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 20 March 2009
  • Currently 6.91/10

Rating: 6.9/10 (44)

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