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Jokes of the day for Sunday, 08 March 2020

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Sunday, 08 March 2020

 Chemistry Song 10


We Wish You a Happy Halogen
We wish you a happy halogen
We wish you a happy halogen
We wish you a happy halogen
To react with a metal.
Good acid we bring
to you and your base.
We wish you a merry molecule
and a happy halogen.

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 2.86/10

Rating: 2.9/10 (7)

A New Joke

Carl: I heard a new joke the other day. I wonder if I told it to you?
Lenny: Is it funny?
Carl: Yes.
Lenny: Then you didn’t.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 6.80/10

Rating: 6.8/10 (10)

SLIDESHOW #71 - Funny Photo Slideshow

“That arsonist destro

“That arsonist destroyed all my scissors. Shear torcher!”

#joke #short
  • Currently 3.44/10

Rating: 3.4/10 (9)

A Texas business man, while in

A Texas business man, while in Japan for some business meetings and a few rounds of golf, arrived in Tokyo a day earlier than expected.
Feeling lonely that evening, he employed the services of a beautiful young Japanese girl to be his companion for evening.
Although the Japanese girl spoke very little English and the businessman spoke no Japanese, their passion roared and in the heat of the moment she began yelling "Gama Su! Gama Su!"
Hearing this, the Texan knew he had pleased his female Japanese friend and soon afterwards went to sleep.
The next day while playing golf with his Japanese business colleagues, one of his Japanese partners holed his shot from 170 yards away!. Everyone went crazy and began yelling excitedly in Japanese. Wanting to impress his friends, the Texan joined in and began yelling, "Gama Su! Gama Su!"
Suddenly everyone became quiet...
After a moment of silence, one of the Japanese turned to him and asked, "Wrong hole? What you mean wrong hole?"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 20 October 2019
  • Currently 6.15/10

Rating: 6.2/10 (13)

Two bachelors...

Two confirmed bachelors sat talking,
their conversation drifted from politics to cooking.

'I got a cookbook once,' said one, 'but I could never do anything with it.'

'Too much fancy work in it, eh?' asked the other.

'You said it. Every one of the recipes began the same way --
'Take a clean dish...''

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 14 March 2017
  • Currently 9.29/10

Rating: 9.3/10 (7)

This World Cup was one for the...

This World Cup was one for the Guinness Book of Redcards.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 13 July 2010
  • Currently 2.40/10

Rating: 2.4/10 (5)

the blonde and the b

there was a boy who liked a blonde and so one day he finally got the courage to ask her out. he said "would you go out with me?"

she looked confused and said "where we going?"

#joke #short #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 08 March 2012
  • Currently 3.13/10

Rating: 3.1/10 (53)

During a terrible storm, all t...

During a terrible storm, all the highway signs were covered with snow. The following spring, the state decided to raise all the signs twelve inches at a cost of six million dollars. “That’s an outrageous price!” said a local farmer, “but I guess we’re lucky the state handled it instead of the federal government.” “Why’s that?”
“Because knowing the federal government, they’d decided to lower the highways.”
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 08 March 2010
  • Currently 6.17/10

Rating: 6.2/10 (42)

The Marriage of Miss Bad Breath and Mr. Smelly Feet

A young couple, madly in love, decided to get married. But as the wedding day neared, both grew increasingly nervous over secret problems they had never shared with anyone. Privately, the groom-to-be approached his minister.
“I’m really concerned about this marriage,” the young man said.
“Don’t you love her?” the pastor asked in surprise.
“Of course,” the groom said. “But I have unbelievably smelly feet—and I’m afraid my fiancée won’t be able to stand them.”
“Oh, is that all?” the pastor replied. “Look, all you need to do is wash your feet twice a day and wear socks all the time.”
The groom thought it over and decided it just might work.
Meanwhile, the nervous bride had privately approached the minister’s wife. “I’m so worried,” she sobbed. “I have really bad breath when I wake up each day!”
“Oh, dear,” the pastor’s wife replied,” everyone has bad breath in the morning. Don’t worry about it.”
“No, you don’t understand,” the bride implored. “My morning breath is so awful, my fiancé won’t even want to be near me!”
“Well, I have an idea,” the pastor’s wife said soothingly. “Set your alarm just a few minutes before your husband wakes up. Run to the bathroom, brush your teeth, and gargle with mouthwash before he gets out of bed. The key is not to say anything until you’ve taken care of your breath.”
The bride thought it over and decided it just might work.
In time, a beautiful wedding was held and the bride and groom enjoyed the day without once worrying about their secret problems. For several months they managed to keep their issues to themselves.
They one morning, the husband awoke before dawn to find that one of his socks had come off in the night. Frantic, he searched the bed, afraid of what might happen if he didn’t find his sock soon. His bride woke with a start, and, without thinking, blurted out, “What in the world are you doing?”
“Oh, dear!” the young man wailed. “You swallowed my sock!”
From "The Book of Church Jokes," published by Barbour Publishing, Inc., Uhrichsville, Ohio. Copyright 2009. Used by permission of Barbour Publishing, Inc.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 08 March 2010
  • Currently 4.90/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (41)

Mom Would Never Say


Things Mom Would Never Say

  1. "How on earth can you see the TV sitting so far back?"
  2. "Yeah, I used to skip school a lot, too"
  3. "Just leave all the lights on ... it makes the house look more cheery"
  4. "Let me smell that shirt -- Yeah, it's good for another week"
  5. "Go ahead and keep that stray dog, honey. I'll be glad to feed and walk him every day"
  6. "Well, if Timmy's mom says it's OK, that's good enough for me."
  7. "The curfew is just a general time to shoot for. It's not like I'm running a prison around here."
  8. "I don't have a tissue with me ... just use your sleeve"
  9. "Don't bother wearing a jacket - the wind-chill is bound to improve"


#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 08 March 2011
  • Currently 5.84/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (38)

Myq Kaplan: Long Distance Relationship

The best part about dating someone who is overweight is, if its long distance, the distance is slightly less long. And gravity pulls you even closer. So, science really working for you.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 08 March 2012
  • Currently 3.89/10

Rating: 3.9/10 (35)

Ballerina Costumes

“Costumes are very important for a ballerina. She keeps them in her special tulle box.”

#joke #short
  • Currently 2.69/10

Rating: 2.7/10 (13)

A couple, the Browns, decide t...

A couple, the Browns, decide to find a therapist to spice up their love life. They finally decide on one that advertises he won't take your money unless he can help. They go to the appointment and have lengthy physical and psychological exams.
They meet the therapist and he says, "I believe I can help you". The Browns are ecstatic and listen intently.
He says to them, "Tonight, on your way home, I want you to stop at the grocery and buy grapes and donuts. When you get home I want you to both undress in the living room. Sir, I want you to roll the grapes on the floor with your nose, all the way across the room and into your wife's crotch. Then madam, I want you to take the donuts and see how many ringers you can score on your husband".
They call back in a few days to say their new games have really spiced things up. The Brown's are so happy, they tell their friends, the Smiths about it.
So they go to see the therapist. The therapist meets with them and says, "I'm sorry I cannot take your money as I cannot help you". They beg and beg, and finally the therapist gives in...
"On your way home tonight I want you to stop at the grocery and by apples and cheerios".
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 27 August 2016
  • Currently 6.71/10

Rating: 6.7/10 (7)

I caught my wife cheating with my best friend

I caught my wife cheating with my best friend.

She was upset that I was always beating her, and he was jealous of how much money and property I had.

I was so angry when I caught them, that I flipped the game board over and left them to pick up all the pieces.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 17 April 2015
  • Currently 4.67/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (6)

Two blondes, Carol and Patt...

Two blondes, Carol and Patty, were walking down the street.

Carol noticed a compact on the sidewalk and leaned down to pick it up. She opened it, looked in the mirror and said, "Hmmm, this person looks familiar." Patty said, "Let me look!" So Carol handed her the Compact.

Patty looked in the mirror and said,"You dummy, it's me!

#joke #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 13 December 2009
  • Currently 5.79/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (57)

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