Jokes of the day for Monday, 09 March 2020

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Monday, 09 March 2020
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

I hate going to Belgium. All t

I hate going to Belgium. All that hustle and Brussels!
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 2.33/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (3)

“What do you call an

“What do you call an unsuccessful spinal surgery? A debackle.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous puns on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (11)

With his wife sick in bed, a m

With his wife sick in bed, a man did the weekly supermarket shopping. By the time he reached the checkout, his cart was overflowing. Behind him in the line was a little old lady with just a loaf of bread and some butter.
He turned to her and said: "Is that all you have dear?"
Her face lit up, "Yes, it is."
"Well," he said, "if I were you I'd have a seat because I'm gonna be a while."
#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 3.58/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (12)

 You Might Be A Redneck If 63


You might be a reneck if...
You just bought your family their lst Atari game system.
You and your wife celebrate your anniversay at the K-mart cafeteria.
You think the only tools "real men" need are duck tape and caulk, and you have sucessful repair projects to prove it.
You've tried to quote Jeff Foxworthy and screwed it up.
You name your car the General Lee.
You see a sign that says "bridge out" and you try to jump it.
You go to your local pet shop for a cat scan.
Warp drive describes the condition of your car.
Your smoke detector doubles as your dinner bell.
You go to the dentist for a "Tooth Cleaning".

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 4.14/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (7)

Jewelry Salesman

A jeweler was on his way to work when he saw a sign that said “Watch for children”...
He thought to himself, “That sounds like a fair trade.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (4)

Soap and water...

A minister was asked to dinner by one of his parishioners, whom he knew was an unkempt housekeeper. When he sat down at the table, he noticed that the dishes were the dirtiest that he had ever seen in his life.

"Were these dishes EVER washed?" he asked his hostess, running his fingers over the grit and grime.

"She replied, "They're as clean as soap and water could get them."

He felt quite apprehensive, but not wanting to offend, blessed the food anyway and started eating. It was really delicious, and he said so, despite the dirty dishes.

When dinner was over, the hostess took the dishes outside and yelled, "Here, Soap! Here, Water!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 15 March 2017
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (8)

Calculate the number 808

NUMBERMANIA: Calculate the number 808 using numbers [4, 2, 9, 4, 60, 140] and basic arithmetic operations (+, -, *, /). Each of the numbers can be used only once.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

The ABC's of Marriage

After being married for 25 years, a wife asked her husband to describe her.
He looked at her carefully, then said, 'You are A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K.'
'What does that mean?' she asked suspiciously.
He said, 'Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous and Hot!'
She beamed at him happily and said: 'Oh, that's so lovely! But what about I, J and K?'
'I'm Just Kidding!'
(The swelling in his eye is going down and the doctors are fairly optimistic about saving his genitals).

#joke #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 09 March 2017
  • Currently 8.53/10

Rating: 8.5/10 (40)

up, comedians, funny videos, d...

up, comedians, funny videos, dane cook, mike birbiglia, eugene mirman, demetri martin, jeff dunham, katt williams, daily joke, joke of the day, funny jokes, yo mama, jokes, redneck, blond, george bush, bush, lawyer, favorite, list, animal, college, dumb
#joke #short #lawyer #yomama
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 09 March 2009
  • Currently 2.65/10

Rating: 2.6/10 (31)

Natasha Leggero: Boston Blackout

This girl comes up to me with this thick Boston accent and shes like, Hey, youve seriously never woke up at a party and some guy was inside you? I never woke up at a party.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 09 March 2012
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (28)

Men are like a pack of Cards...

Men are like a pack of Cards:
A "heart" to love them
A "diamond" to marry them
A "club" to smack them and
A "spade" to bury the body...
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 09 March 2014
  • Currently 4.89/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (27)

Kidnapped

Most Friday nights at the naval station in Bermuda, we would assemble at the officer's club after work. Z
One Friday, Rick, a newly married ensign, insisted he had to leave at 6 p.m.
We all tried to talk him into staying, but he'd promised his bride he'd be home by six. I offered to call home for Rick.
When his wife answered the phone, I said, 'Rick has been kidnapped.
Put five dollars in small, unmarked bills in a plain brown paper bag and throw it in the door of the officer's club.' Then I hung up.
A short time later, a waiter brought a grocery bag to our table.
In it were Rick's baseball glove, a tennis racket, and a teddy bear.
Attached to the bear was a note: 'Rick can play kidnapped until 7 p.m. Then he must come home.'

#joke #friday
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 09 March 2018
  • Currently 5.31/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (26)

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