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Jokes of the day for Tuesday, 10 March 2020

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Tuesday, 10 March 2020

A used auto salesman, aka a A used auto salesman, aka a cardealogist.
#joke #short

Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

“Flamingos are a real

“Flamingos are a real success story. They always seem to get a leg up on the competition.”

#joke #short
  • Currently 2.86/10

Rating: 2.9/10 (7)

SLIDESHOW #59 - Funny Photo Slideshow

A man and a little boy entered

A man and a little boy entered a barbershop together. After the man received the full treatment - shave, shampoo, manicure, haircut, etc. - he placed the boy in the chair.
"I'm going to buy a green tie to wear for the parade," he said. "I'll be back in a few minutes."
When the boy's haircut was completed and the man still hadn't returned, the barber said, "Looks like your daddy's forgotten all about you."
"That wasn't my daddy," said the boy. "He just walked up, took me by the hand and said, 'Come on, son, we're gonna get a free haircut!'"
#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 6.85/10

Rating: 6.8/10 (13)

Blood Type

A priest, a minister, and a rabbit walk into a blood bank..
The rabbit says, "I think I might be a type-O!"

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 7.44/10

Rating: 7.4/10 (9)

 Ponderings Collection 36


It's a dog eat dog world out there. And they're short on napkins.
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
Never trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel agent.
Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
It must be true that men are from Mars. Look at how the place has deteriorated.
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
Married people don't live longer than single people. It just seems longer.
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?
If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 22 September 2018
  • Currently 4.10/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (10)

All expenses paid...

A travel agent looked up from his desk to see an older lady and an older gentleman peering in the shop window at the posters showing the glamorous destinations around the world. The agent had had a good week and the dejected couple looking in the window gave him a rare feeling of generosity.

He called them into his shop, "I know that on your pension you could never hope to have a holiday, so I am sending you off to a fabulous resort at my expense, and I won't take no for an answer."

He took them inside and asked his secretary to write two flight tickets and book a room in a five star hotel. They, as can be expected, gladly accepted, and were off!

About a month later the little old lady came in to his shop.

"And how did you like your holiday?" he asked eagerly.

"The flight was exciting and the room was lovely," she said. "I've come to thank you. But, one thing puzzled me. Who was that old fart I had to share the room with?"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 16 March 2017
  • Currently 6.80/10

Rating: 6.8/10 (10)

A little girl was talking to h

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah."
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 05 July 2015
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (8)

If God Had Voice Mail

Thank you for calling heaven.
I am sorry, all of our angels and saints are busy helping other sinners right now. However, your prayer is important to us and we will answer it in the order it was received. Please stay on the line.
If you would like to speak to:
God, press 1.
Jesus, press 2.
The Holy Spirit, press 3.
If you would like to hear King David sing a Psalm while you are holding, press 4.
To find a loved one who has been assigned to Heaven, press 5, then enter his or her social security number followed by the pound sign. (If you get a negative response, please hang up and try area code 666.)For reservations in heaven, please enter J-O-H-N 3:16
For answers to nagging questions about dinosaurs, the age of the earth, life on other planets, and where Noah's Ark is, please wait until you arrive.
If you are calling after hours and need emergency assistance, please contact your local pastor.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 10 March 2011
  • Currently 4.57/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (53)

Should Have Glasses

A policeman stops a lady and asks for her license. He says "Lady, it says here that you should be wearing glasses."
The woman answered "Well, I have contacts."
The policeman replied "I don't care who you know! You're getting a ticket!"
#joke #short #policeman
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 10 March 2018
  • Currently 6.96/10

Rating: 7.0/10 (49)

In a certain suburban neighbor

In a certain suburban neighborhood, there were two brothers, 8 and 10 years old, who were exceedingly mischievous. Whatever went wrong in the neighborhood, it turned out they had had a hand in it. Their parents were at their wit’s end trying to control them.
Hearing about a priest nearby who worked with delinquent boys, the parents thought that they should ask the priest to talk with the boys. The priest agreed to talk with the boys and asked to see the younger boy first. So the mother sent him to the priest.
The priest sat the boy down across a huge, impressive desk he sat behind. For about five minutes they just sat and stared at each other. Finally, the priest pointed his forefinger at the boy and asked, "Where is God?"
The boy looked under the desk, in the corners of the room, all around, but said nothing.
Again, louder, the priest pointed at the boy and asked "Where is God?"
Again the boy looked all around but said nothing.
A third time, in a louder, firmer voice, the priest leaned far across the desk and put his forefinger almost to boy’s nose, and asked, "Where is God? The boy panicked and ran all the way home.
Finding his older brother, he dragged him upstairs to their room and into the closet, where they usually plotted their mischief.
He finally said, "We are in BIIIIG trouble."
The older boy asked, "What do you mean, BIIIIG trouble?"
His brother replied, "God is missing and they think we did it."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 10 March 2019
  • Currently 8.49/10

Rating: 8.5/10 (45)

I Want This Done Right

A man with a piece of paper in his hand comes into an office where another man is sitting next to a shredding machine.

"Do you know how to operate this thing?" he asks. "I have an important paper here and I want to make sure this is done right."

"Sure," the other man answers. "Just put the paper in here and press this button."

The first man does so, saying, "Great. And where do the copies come out?"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 10 March 2015
  • Currently 8.60/10

Rating: 8.6/10 (42)

Hear about the blond

Hear about the blonde that bought an AM radio? It took her a month to figure out she could play it at night too.

#joke #short #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 10 March 2012
  • Currently 6.49/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (41)

Have some fun with 'addicted' jokes

I'm addicted to seaweed.
I must seek kelp.

My friend is addicted to drinking ink.
It's a dyer situation.

I've been reading a book on anti-gravity, and now I'm addicted.
I can't put it down!

I used to be addicted to eating soap.
But I'm clean now.

I have an addiction to cheddar cheese,
although it's only mild.

Sat next to a fruit machine addict at a gamblers anonymous meeting last night, It was awful!..
He kept nudging me.

A bunch of batteries were gathering around in a circle.
I guess they were having an AA-meeting.

They say one in every seven friends have a gambling addiction.
My money's on Dave.

I just got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows, and nuts.
I won't lie, it was a Rocky Road.

m embarrassed to say I got addicted to shoplifting but only from the bottom shelves in the supermarket.
How could I stoop so low?

I've been addicted to cold turkey for 2 years.
I keep telling people I'm trying to quit cold turkey but nobody is taking me seriously.

Got home and someone has stolen all the bits of carpets and the mats.
Police think it was the work of rug addicts.

#joke #short #
Joke | Source: Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 8.44/10

Rating: 8.4/10 (9)

Such a crap day

I had such a crap day.

Then I got fired from my job as a bus driver. Ugh..

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 01 January 2015
  • Currently 5.40/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (5)

A Frenchman, an Englishman and...

A Frenchman, an Englishman and Claudia Schiffer are sitting in a train carriage together. The train goes into a tunnel and there is complete darkness.

Suddenly there is a kissing sound then the sound of a really hard slap. When the train comes out the tunnel, the Englishman and Claudia are sitting as if nothing happened and the Frenchman is holding the side of his face.

The Frenchman thinks "the Englishman must have tried to kiss Claudia and she missed him and slapped me by mistake".

Claudia thinks to herself, "the Frenchman must have tried to kiss me but accidently kissed the Englishman and got slapped for it".

And the Englishman is thinking "brilliant! In the next tunnel I'll make another kissing noise and slap the French twat again"!!
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 07 January 2012
  • Currently 7.69/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (13)

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