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Jokes of the day for Saturday, 14 March 2020

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Saturday, 14 March 2020

My sister is marrying an organ thief. She says she wants a man after her own heart, someone who can de-liver her from her troubles, and who'll take care of her two little kidneys after she's gone.
#joke

Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 2.33/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (3)

While he was rooting around in

While he was rooting around in the basement, a man found a magic lamp. When he rubbed it, a genie emerged in a huge cloud of pink smoke.
"I am the all-powerful genie. I shall grant you one wish." The man thought about this, and decided that if there was one thing he couldn't get enough of, it was wine.
"I wish I could pee wine. That's my wish."
"Granted." And the genie disappeared. Later that day, the man's wife came home to find her husband naked, holding a glass.
"Why only one glass?" asked her wife.
"You're drinking out of the bottle tonight."
#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 2.86/10

Rating: 2.9/10 (7)

SLIDESHOW #65 - Funny Photo Slideshow

“Routines are dental

“Routines are dental procedures.”

#joke #short
  • Currently 3.44/10

Rating: 3.4/10 (9)

75 Cents

The teacher asks Joanie, "If you had a million dollars and gave away one quarter and another quarter and then another quarter, how much would you have left?"
Joanie replies, "A million dollars minus 75 cents."

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 14 March 2019
  • Currently 8.56/10

Rating: 8.6/10 (16)

Speeding ticket or....

The Policeman recently stopped a woman for exceeding the posted speed limit. He asked the driver her name.

She said, "I'm Mrs. Ladislav Abdulkhashim Zybkcicraznovskaya from the Republic of Uzbekistan visiting my daughter in Tallahassee."

The cop put away his summons book and pen, and said, "Well... OK... but don't let me catch you speeding again."

#joke #policeman
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 20 March 2017
  • Currently 6.42/10

Rating: 6.4/10 (19)

 Expert On Parenting


The following is a true story written by an educational psychologist and her experience on a plane.
On a flight to Florida, I was preparing my notes for one of the parent-education seminars I conduct as an educational psychologist.
The elderly woman sitting next to me explained that she was returning to Miami after having spent two weeks visiting her six children, 18 grandchildren and ten great-grandchildren in Boston.
Then she inquired what I did for a living.
I told her, fully expecting her to question me for free professional advice.
Instead she sat back, picked up a magazine and said, "If there's anything you want to know, just ask me."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 12 August 2016
  • Currently 8.00/10

Rating: 8.0/10 (7)

When Peters learned that he wa

When Peters learned that he was being fired, he went to see the head ofhuman resources. "Since I've been with the firm for so long," he said, "Ithink I deserve at least a letter of recommendation."
The human resources director agreed and said he'd have the letter thatnext day. The following morning, Peters found the letter on his desk. Itread, "Jonathan Peters worked for our company for eleven years. When heleft us, we were very satisfied."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 24 February 2015
  • Currently 8.36/10

Rating: 8.4/10 (14)

Confucius Say ...

Confucius say, "When you are angry at neighbor, walk a mile in his shoes. Then you will be a mile away from him, and you will have his shoes!"

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 14 March 2010
  • Currently 5.90/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (48)

How the diet going?

"How the diet going?"
"Not good, I had eggs for breakfast."
"Scrambled?"
"No, chocolate."
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 14 March 2017
  • Currently 8.17/10

Rating: 8.2/10 (42)

Absolutely naked woman enters ...

Absolutely naked woman enters the pub. Barman looks at her very attentively.
Woman: Hey, what's up? Haven't you ever seen naked woman?

Barman: Well, yes I have... I'm only interested - where will you take your cash from?
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 14 March 2010
  • Currently 6.26/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (39)

Pun With Monks

Lost on a rainy night, a nun stumbles across a monastery and requests shelter there. Fortunately, she's just in time for dinner and was treated to the best fish and chips she's ever had.
After dinner, she goes into the kitchen to thank the chefs.
She is met by two brothers, "Hello, I'm Brother Michael, and this is Brother Charles."
"I'm very pleased to meet you. I just wanted to thank you for a wonderful dinner. The fish and chips were the best I've ever tasted. Out of curiosity, who cooked what?"
Brother Charles replied, "Well, I'm the fish friar."
She turns the other brother and says, "Then you must be...?"
"Yes, I'm the chip monk."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 14 March 2011
  • Currently 5.24/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (38)

A blonde was driving down the ...

A blonde was driving down the road and she looks up and she sees a tree so she swerves to the left.
The tree is still nfront of her so she swerves to the right, this time her car rolls into the ditch.
When the Police Officer came to the scene of the accident the blonde told the Police Officer about the tree that was in front of her. The officer kindly explained that the tree was the green air freshener hanging off her rear view mirror.
#joke #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 14 March 2009
  • Currently 4.42/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (36)

Experimental Pill

A lady goes to the doctor and complains her husband is losing interest in sex.
He gives her a pill but warns her that it's still experimental. He tells her to slip it in his mashed potatoes at dinner. At dinner that night, she does just that.
About a week later she's back at the doctor and tells him, "The pill worked great! I put it in his mashed potatoes like you said.
It wasn't five minutes later that he jumped up, pushed all the food and dishes to the floor, grabbed me, ripped off all my clothes and ravaged me right there on the table."
The doctor says, "Oh dear -- I'm sorry, we didn't realize the pill
was that strong. The foundation will be glad to pay for any damages."

The lady replied, "That's very kind - but I don't think the restaurant will let us back in anyway."

#joke #doctor
  • Currently 9.74/10

Rating: 9.7/10 (54)

First the doctor told me the good news

First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.

Steve Martin (August 14 1945-)

Picture: Rex Features

#joke #short #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 31 January 2015
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

A wife was making a breakfast...

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. 'Careful,' he said, 'CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up!
Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!'
The wife stared at him. 'What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?'
The husband calmly replied, 'I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving.'
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 29 October 2015
  • Currently 8.56/10

Rating: 8.6/10 (16)

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