Jokes of the day for Saturday, 25 April 2020

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Saturday, 25 April 2020
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Movie Rating

What kind of movies are rated 3.14 stars?

Pirated movies.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Hand picked jokes - Daily Jokes hand picked from various locations
  • Currently 9.00/10

Rating: 9.0/10 (5)

 Business One-liners 109

Fifth Law of Applied Terror: If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your book.

Corollary: If you are given a take-home exam, you will forget where you live.

Fifth Law of Procrastination: Procrastination avoids boredom; one never has the feeling that there is nothing important to do.

Finagle's Creed: Science is true.

Don't be misled by facts.

Finagle's Laws:

1) Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it only makes it worse.

2) No matter what results are expected, someone is always willing to fake it.

3) No matter what the result, someone is always eager to misinterpret it.

4) No matter what results occur, someone believes it happened according to his pet theory.

5) If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.

6) In any collection of data, the figure most obviously correct, beyond all need of checking, is the mistake.

7) The perversity of the universe tends toward a maximum.

8) Do not merely believe in miracles; rely on them.

Finagle's Law Of Government Contracting: Dealing with the government is like kicking a 300-pound sponge.

Finagle's Law Of Military Superiority: The bigger they are, the harder they hit.

Finagle's Rules: 1) To study an application best, understand it thoroughly before you start.

2) Always keep a record of data.

It indicates you've been working.

3) Always draw your curves, then plot the reading.

4) In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 5.40/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (5)

Hebebeegees

“The hebebeegees is an irrational fear of disco bands retiring to grow flowering evergreen shrubs.”

#joke #short #pun
Joke | Source: Pun of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous puns on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 3.67/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (15)

A farmer wanted to have his he

A farmer wanted to have his hens serviced, so he went to the market looking for a rooster. He was hoping he could get a special rooster - one that would service all of his many hens.
When he told this to the market vendor, the vendor replied, "I have just the rooster for you. Henry here is the horniest rooster you will ever see!"
So the farmer took Henry back to the farm. Before setting him loose in the hen house though, he gave Henry a little pep talk. "Henry", he said, "I'm counting on you to do your stuff." And without a word, Henry then strutted into the hen house.
Henry was as fast as he was furious, mounting each hen like a thunderbolt. There was much squawking and many feathers flying, till Henry had finished having his way with each hen. But Henry didn't stop there, he went in to the barn and mounted all the horses, one by one and still at the same frantic pace. Then he went to the pig house where he did the same.
The farmer, watching all of this with disbelief, cried out, "Stop, Henry, you'll kill yourself." But Henry continued, seeking out each farm animal in the same manner.
Well the next morning, the farmer looked out and saw Henry lying there on his lawn. His legs were up in the air, his eyes rolled back, and his long tongue hanging out. A buzzard was already circling above Henry.
The farmer walked up to Henry saying, "Oh you poor thing, look what you did, you've gone and killed yourself. I warned you big buddy."
"Shhhhh," Henry whispered, "The buzzard is getting closer."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 07 December 2019
  • Currently 8.60/10

Rating: 8.6/10 (10)

I'm Working At the Moment

My boss texted me, "Send me one of your funny jokes, Pete."
I replied, "I'm working at the moment, Sir, I will send you one later."
He replied, "That was fantastic, send me another one."

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 25 April 2019
  • Currently 8.22/10

Rating: 8.2/10 (23)

Lamaze class question....

The room was full of pregnant women and their partners, and the Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, along with informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan.

The teacher then announced, "Ladies, exercise is GOOD for you! Walking is especially beneficial. And, Gentlemen, it wouldn't hurt YOU to take the time to go walking with your partner!"

The room really got quiet. Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand.

"Yes?" replied the teacher.

"Is it all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 04 May 2017
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (8)

What a winning combination?

The computer chose a secret code (sequence of 4 digits from 1 to 6). Your goal is to find that code. Black circles indicate the number of hits on the right spot. White circles indicate the number of hits on the wrong spot.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at a...

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at an Elingsh uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer inwaht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht thefrist and lsat ltteer is at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl msesand you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae we do not raedervey lteter by it slef but the wrod as a wlohe.
Preosllnay I tinhk its cmolpete nenosnese......
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 05 August 2015
  • Currently 8.23/10

Rating: 8.2/10 (13)

If I ever make a stoop

If I ever make a stooped pun, then deck me.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 24 April 2015
  • Currently 1.67/10

Rating: 1.7/10 (6)

Used Car

It was a small town and the patrolman was making his evening rounds As he was checking a used car lot, he came upon two little old ladies sitting in a used car. He stopped and asked them if they were stealing the car. They said "Heavens no, we bought it."
He said, "Then why don't you drive it away".
Each of the women said "We can't drive".
The officer momentarily shook his head and then asked "Then why did you buy it?"
They answered, "We were told if we bought a car here, we'd get screwed, so we are just waiting.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 25 April 2013
  • Currently 7.78/10

Rating: 7.8/10 (36)

Imagine that

Can u believe what people do in the church these days?

I was in the church listening tothe priest's sermon when i saw a guy smoking cigarettes inside the church.

I was so amazed that i didn't know when the bottle of beer i was holding fell on the floor.

#joke #short #beer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 25 April 2012
  • Currently 5.13/10

Rating: 5.1/10 (32)

“Did you hear the one...

“Did you hear the one about the woman who threw her toaster away because it kept burning the bread? She was black toast intolerant.”

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 25 April 2014
  • Currently 5.14/10

Rating: 5.1/10 (29)

Celtic Mortality

What is the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral?

One less drunk.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 25 April 2013
  • Currently 5.52/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (27)

I'm Working At the Moment

My boss texted me, "Send me one of your funny jokes, Pete."
I replied, "I'm working at the moment, Sir, I will send you one later."
He replied, "That was fantastic, send me another one."

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 25 April 2019
  • Currently 8.22/10

Rating: 8.2/10 (23)

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