Jokes of the day for Monday, 27 April 2020

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Monday, 27 April 2020
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

“When the Drosophila

“When the Drosophila melanogaster had a temper tantrum and threw his food those around said that they never saw fruit fly so far.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous puns on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 3.20/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (10)

 Scared Sleeping


Shakey went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it. I get under the bed, I think there's somebody on top of it. Top, under, top, under. "you gotta help me, I'm going crazy!"
"Just put yourself in my hands for two years," said the shrink. "Come to me three times a week, and I'll cure your fears."
"How much do you charge?"
"A hundred dollars per visit."
"I'll sleep on it," said Shakey.
Six months later the doctor met Shakey on the street. "Why didn't you ever
come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist.
"For a hundred buck's a visit? A bartender cured me for ten dollars."
"Is that so! How?"
"He told me to cut the legs off the bed!"

#joke #doctor
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 6.17/10

Rating: 6.2/10 (6)

The Surprise Party

Why were all of the ladies at the surprise party staring at the pair of handsome chromosomes?
Because they weren't wearing any genes!

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 27 April 2019
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (11)

At one point during a game, th...

At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 7-year-oldhockey players aside and asked, "Do you understand whatcooperation is? What a team is?"
The little boy nodded in the affirmative.
"Do you understand that what matters is not whether we win orlose, but how we play together as a team?"
The little boy nodded yes.
"So," the coach continued, "I'm sure you know, when apenalty is called, you shouldn't argue, curse, attack the referee, orcall him a pecker-head."
Do you understand all that?"
Again the little boy nodded.
He continued, "And when I call you off the ice so thatanother boy gets a chance to play,it's not good sportsmanship to call your coach 'adumb a--hole', is it?"
Again the little boy nodded.
"Good," said the coach. "Now go over there and explain allthat to your mother."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 17 March 2019
  • Currently 8.23/10

Rating: 8.2/10 (13)

A game of baseball

St. Peter and Satan were having an argument one day about baseball. Satan proposed a game to be played on neutral grounds between a select team from the heavenly host and his own hand-picked boys.

"Very well," said the gatekeeper of Heaven. "But you realize, I hope, that we've got all the good players and the best coaches."

"I know, and that's all right," Satan answered unperturbed. "We've got all the umpires."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 10 May 2017
  • Currently 8.83/10

Rating: 8.8/10 (12)

The drug to make statistics co

The drug to make statistics courses less painful? ANOVACaine.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 25 April 2017
  • Currently 3.17/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (6)

Remove 5 letters from this seq...

Remove 5 letters from this sequence (UBGECAUOTCY) to reveal a familiar English word.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

An uncertain and nervous witne

An uncertain and nervous witness was being cross-examined. The lawyer thundered, "Have you ever been married?"
"Yes, sir," said the witness in a low voice. "Once."
"Whom did you marry?"
"Well, a woman."
The lawyer bellowed angrily, "Of course you married a woman. Did you ever hear of anyone marrying a man?"
To which the witness replied meekly, "My sister did."
#joke #lawyer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 08 February 2017
  • Currently 6.58/10

Rating: 6.6/10 (12)

Todd Barry: Book Lights

They sell book lights now, a little spotlight you attach to your book. You know, I actually thought about buying one of these, and then I remembered, I own a lamp.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 27 April 2012
  • Currently 4.54/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (83)

Don't Step on the Ducks

Three guys die together in an accident and go to heaven. When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: Don't step on the ducks!"
So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first guy accidentally steps on one.
Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest woman he has ever seen. St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to the ugly woman!"
The next day, the second guy steps accidentally on a duck, and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing, and with him is another extemely ugly woman. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first guy.
The third guy has observed all this and not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly woman, is very, VERY careful where he steps. He manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to him with the most gorgeous woman he has ever laid eyes on: a very tall, tan, curvaceous, sexy blonde. St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.
The guy remarks, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?"
She says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!"
#joke #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 27 April 2015
  • Currently 9.12/10

Rating: 9.1/10 (77)

Dream

After she woke up, a woman told her husband,
“I just had a dream that you gave me the most beautiful diamond necklace. What do you think it means?”
“You'll know tonight.” he said with a smile.
The woman could hardly think of anything else all day and she couldn't wait for her husband to return home.
That evening, the man finally came home with a small package and gave it to his wife.
Delighted, she opened it excitedly to find a book entitled…

“The Meaning of Dreams”

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 27 April 2014
  • Currently 7.41/10

Rating: 7.4/10 (66)

Chuck Norris can win a game of...

Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 27 April 2011
  • Currently 4.31/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (42)

Peanut Butter Rooster

Q: What do you get when you cross a rooster with a jar of peanut butter?

A: A cock that sticks to the roof of your mouth.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 27 April 2014
  • Currently 6.05/10

Rating: 6.1/10 (40)

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