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Jokes of the day for Friday, 08 May 2020

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Friday, 08 May 2020

Did Henry Ford usher in the

Did Henry Ford usher in the Auto-man empire?
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (4)

“Commuters live in a

“Commuters live in a clock-eyed world.”

#joke #short
  • Currently 4.27/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (15)

SLIDESHOW #125 - Funny Photo Slideshow

Too Much Sugar

A fellow nurse at my hospital received a call from an anxious patient.
"I'm diabetic and I'm afraid I've had too much sugar today," the caller said.
"Are you light-headed?" my colleague asked.
"No," the caller answered, "I'm a brunette."

#joke
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 5.40/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (5)

A city boy was visiting the co

A city boy was visiting the country and wanted to go hunting. The farmer lent the boy his gun, telling him not to kill any farm animals.
The city boy headed off and soon after saw a goat. He managed to creep into range and finally shot it. Not knowing anything about animals, the boy didn't know what he'd killed so he ran to the farmhouse and described his kill to the farmer.
"It had two saggy breasts, a beard, a hard head and it stunk like hell!" said the boy.
"Oh, bugger!!" said the farmer. "You've shot the wife!"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 13 March 2020
  • Currently 4.77/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (13)

A father is explaining ethics

A father is explaining ethics to his son, who is about to go into business...
"Suppose a woman comes in and orders a hundred dollars worth of material. You wrap it up, and you give it to her. She pays you with a $100 bill. But as she goes out the door you realize she's given you two $100 bills. Now, here's where the ethics come in: should you or should you not tell your partner?
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 13 December 2019
  • Currently 6.23/10

Rating: 6.2/10 (30)

 Why Ask Why 02


Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?
Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?
You know how most packages say "Open here". What is the protocol if the package says, "Open somewhere else"?
Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?
Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 31 December 2017
  • Currently 8.08/10

Rating: 8.1/10 (12)

First day at school

The child comes home from his first day at school.

His Mother asks, "Well, what did you learn today?"

The kid replies, "Not enough. They want me to come back tomorrow."

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 21 May 2017
  • Currently 8.86/10

Rating: 8.9/10 (44)

Dentist

A guy and a girl meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place.
A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands.
He then takes of his trousers and washes his hands again.
The girl has been watching him and says, "You must be a dentist."
The guy, surprised, says "Yes! How did you figure that out?"
"Easy," she replied, "you keep washing your hands."
One thing led to another and they make love.
After they have done, the girl says, "You must be a good dentist."
The guy, now with a boosted ego says, "Sure, I'm a good dentist, How did you figure that out?"

"Didn't feel a thing!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 08 May 2014
  • Currently 8.18/10

Rating: 8.2/10 (91)

Some people get lucky and kill...

Some people get lucky and kill two birds with one stone. Chuck Norris once killed four birds with half a stone. What's that? You say there's no such thing as half a stone? The four dead birds didn't think so either.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 08 May 2011
  • Currently 3.09/10

Rating: 3.1/10 (67)

Four legs

A wife comes home late one night and quietly opens the door to her bedroom.

From under the blanket, she sees four legs instead of just her husband's two.

She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can.

Once she's done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink.

As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine.

He says, "Hi darling, your parents have come to visit us, so I let them stay in our bedroom. Did you say hello?"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 08 May 2016
  • Currently 8.49/10

Rating: 8.5/10 (57)

Chuck Norris can speak braille...

Chuck Norris can speak braille.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 08 May 2012
  • Currently 3.76/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (49)

An Unusual Vet

There was once an aspiring veterinarian who put himself

through veterinary school working nights as a taxidermist.

Upon graduation, he decided he could combine his two

vocations to better serve the needs of his patients and their

owners, while doubling his practice and, therefore, his

income.

He opened his own offices with a shingle on the door saying,

"Dr. Jones, Veterinary Medicine and Taxidermy -- Either way,

you get your dog back!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 08 May 2012
  • Currently 6.36/10

Rating: 6.4/10 (45)

Boss Wants Too Much

For thirty years, Johnson had arrived at work at 9A.M. on the dot. He had never missed a day and was never late.
Consequently, when on one particular day 9 A.M. passed without Johnson's arrival, it caused a sensation. All work ceased, and the boss himself, looking at his watch and muttering, came out into the corridor.
Finally, precisely at ten, Johnson showed up, clothes dusty and torn, his face scratched and bruised, his glasses bent. He limped painfully to the time clock, punched in, and said, aware that all eyes were upon him, "I tripped and rolled down two flights of stairs in the subway. Nearly killed myself."
And the boss said, "And to roll down two flights of stairs took you a whole hour?"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 19 January 2016
  • Currently 7.09/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (11)

Black Eyes

A man walked into work on Monday with two black eyes. His boss asked what happened.
The man said, "I was sitting behind a big woman at church. When we stood up to sing hymns, I noticed that her dress was caught in her crack, so I pulled it out. She turned around and punched me square in the eye."
"Where did you get the other shiner?" the boss asked.
"Well," the man said, "I figured she didn't want it out, so I pushed it back in."

#joke #monday
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 17 March 2017
  • Currently 8.63/10

Rating: 8.6/10 (43)

A wife went to the police stat...

A wife went to the police station with her next-door neighbor to report that her husband was missing. The policeman asked for a description.
She said, "He's 35 years old, 6 foot 4, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is soft-spoken, and is good to the children."
The next-door neighbor protested, "Your husband is 5 foot 4, chubby, bald, has a big mouth, and is mean to your children."
The wife replied, "Yes, but who wants HIM back?"
#joke #policeman
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 27 December 2016
  • Currently 8.49/10

Rating: 8.5/10 (39)

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