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Jokes of the day for Saturday, 06 June 2020

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Saturday, 06 June 2020

Only one of the Three Stooges

Only one of the Three Stooges was quoted in the Bible. It was always ‘Mo sez' this and ‘Mo sez' that.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 2.44/10

Rating: 2.4/10 (9)

So this older guy goes to the

So this older guy goes to the doctor asking for a prescription for Viagra. The guy asks for a large dose of the strongest variety. The doctor asks why he needs so much. The guy says that two young nymphomaniacs are spending a week at his place. The doctor fills the prescription.
Later that week, the same guy goes back to the doctor asking for pain killers. The doctor asks, "Why, is your d**k in that much pain?"
"No," says the guy, "it's for my wrists - the girls never showed up!"
#joke #doctor
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 7.13/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (8)

SLIDESHOW #104 - Funny Photo Slideshow

Always Dizzy

"You see, doctor, I’m always dizzy for half an hour after I get up in the morning,” said Carla.
“Well, try getting up half an hour later,” said the doctor.

#joke #short #doctor
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 3.75/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (8)

 Outrageous Lying


A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange:
Officer: May I see your driver's license?
Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.
Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?
Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.
Officer: The car is stolen?
Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.
Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?
Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.
Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?
Driver: Yes, sir.
Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain.
The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation:
Captain: Sir, can I see your license?
Driver: Sure. Here it is.
It was valid.
Captain: Who's car is this?
Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the owner' card.
The driver owned the car.
Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it?
Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it.
Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.
Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's a body in it.
Driver: No problem.
Trunk is opened; no body.
Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glovebox, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.
Driver: Yeah, I'll bet the liar told you I was speeding, too

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 8.25/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (8)

“With everyone in my

“With everyone in my house tired of the usual pastimes, we're playing bored games.”

#joke #short
  • Currently 4.06/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (16)

On their honeymoon, the new hu

On their honeymoon, the new husband told his bride, "I have a confession tomake that I should have made before, but I was concerned that it mightaffect our relationship.
"What is it?" his new bride asked lovingly.
"I'm a golf fanatic," he said. "I think about golf constantly. I'll be outon the golf course every weekend, every holiday, and every chance I get.If it comes to a choice between your wishes and golf, golf will alwayswin."
His new bride pondered this for a moment and said, "I thank you for yourhonesty. Now in the same spirit of honesty, I should tell you that I'veconcealed something about my own past that you should know about. Thetruth is, "I'm a hooker."
"No problem," said her husband, "just widen your stance a little, andoverlap your grip, and that should clear it right up."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 15 February 2019
  • Currently 7.09/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (11)

TOP TEN SIGNS YOU HIRED THE WRONG KID TO MOW YOUR LAWN

10.He shows up with a pair of nail clippers and a Ziploc bag

9. On the side of his mower you notice the stenciled silhouettes of thirteen cats

8. Stops frequently to nap inside the grass-catcher

7. Always trying to impress you by stopping the mower blades with his head

6. You notice him shoving the last of his clothes into the mulcher

5. He's fascinated by the details of you home security system

4. Stops every couple of minutes to smoke some clippings

3. Somehow manages to mow the hood ornament off your Lexus

2. Turns a goat loose and says he'll be back in three weeks

1. No toes

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 19 June 2017
  • Currently 3.44/10

Rating: 3.4/10 (9)

big stuff

there was a girl who had the most sexy dick and tits there was a guy who had the most sexy dick and they got married naked showing there big stuff and there babys had big stuff 2

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 06 June 2016
  • Currently 1.32/10

Rating: 1.3/10 (152)

Big People Words

A group of kindergartners were trying to become accustomed to the first grade. The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on no baby talk.
"You need to use 'big people' words," she'd always remind them. She asked Chris what he had done over the weekend. "I went to visit my Nana."
"No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER. Use big people words!" She then asked Mitchell what he had done. "I took a ride on a choo-choo."
She said, "No, you took a ride on a TRAIN. Use big people words." She then asked Bobby what he had done. "I read a book," he replied.
"That's WONDERFUL!" the teacher said. "What book did you read?" Bobby thought about it, then puffed out his little chest with great pride and said, "Winnie the Shit."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 06 June 2017
  • Currently 9.23/10

Rating: 9.2/10 (65)

Chuck Norris is what Willis wa...

Chuck Norris is what Willis was talking about.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 06 June 2011
  • Currently 3.07/10

Rating: 3.1/10 (55)

Deserted island

Harry was shipwrecked on a deserted island. For several months, he longed for someone to talk to; searched the horizons for even the suggestion of a ship.

One day, his committment was rewarded: A beautiful woman was washed up onto the beach, floating on a large steamer trunk. Harry got her all settled, and fed, and dried off and they started talking.

April asked Harry, "what is something you've REALLY missed being out here on a desserted island for so long?"

"A clean shirt," was Harry's response. With a huff, April reached into the steamer trunk and tossed Harry a shirt.

April let out a short huff, but persevered: "Surely there's SOMETHING you've really missed out here...all alone...on an island with NOBODY all this time?"

"Oh wow, YEAH, there sure is: I'd REALLY like a dry pillow to sleep on."

April reached into her steamer trunk once again and tossed Harry a pillow; and she would not be put off. Striking her most alluring pose, she asked in her most provocative voice, "C'mon, Harry, wouldn't you like to play around?"

Harry got all excited and started jumping up and down. "Don't tell me you have a set of GOLF CLUBS in there, too?!???!?!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 06 June 2009
  • Currently 5.76/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (41)

Five Jewish Men

Five Jewish men influenced the history of Western civilization.
Moses said the law is everything.
Jesus said love is everything.
Marx said capital is everything.
Freud said sex is everything.
Einstein said everything is relative.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 06 June 2009
  • Currently 4.32/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (38)

Service for Your Dog

A farmer named Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside except for a pet dog he for a long time.

The dog finally died and Muldoon went to the parish priest, saying "Father, the dog is dead. Could you possibly be saying a Mass for the poor creature?"

Father Patrick told the farmer "No, we can't have services for an animal in the church, but I'll tell you what, there's a new denomination down the road apiece, and no telling what they believe in, but maybe they'll do something for the animal."

Muldoon said "I'll go right now. By the way, do you think $50,000 is enough to donate for the service?"

Father Patrick replied "Why didn't you tell me the dog was Catholic."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 20 July 2015
  • Currently 8.36/10

Rating: 8.4/10 (14)

New Guy in Town

The new guy in town decided to take a few minutes and head down to the local pub to try to meet some people. He stumbled in at about 7 PM and sat down at the bar to order his first drink.

One of the regulars sitting at the pool table got up and came over to start up a conversation. He says, "hey, I bet you 5 dollars I can lick my eye". The new guy was a little put-off by this introduction, but it was early in the evening so he took the bet. Sure enough, the regular had a glass eye, popped it out, licked it, and put in place.

A funny enough parlor joke, he handed the man 5 dollars and went back to drinking. A few minutes later he returned, this time saying "I bet you 5 dollars I can touch my elbow to the back of my head." Desparate for any attention, the new guy handed over another 5 dollars and watched as the regular popped his shoulder out of joint and touched the back of his head.

Deciding he had already duped the new guy out of $10, the regular headed back over the pool table for the next few hours. As the bartender began to close up shop, he returned for one last wager. "hey, I bet you $100 I can piss on the celing". The new guy looked up at the vaulted ceiling which was eaily 30 feet above and was convince he would soon win his money back and a nights worth of drinking.

The regular pulled it out but didnt even come close, pissing on the bar and the local guy. "Ha! I won all my money back! That was a stupid bet!"

The regular retorted, "yeah, but I bet the guys over there $500 I could piss on you and make you laugh!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 27 October 2014
  • Currently 7.56/10

Rating: 7.6/10 (18)

Truman at the Washington Garden Club....

Harry Truman was known for his blunt manner of speaking. When he made a speech at the Washington Garden Club, he kept referring to the "good manure" that needed to be used on the flowers.

Some society women complained to his wife, Bess. "Couldn't you get the President to say 'fertilizer'?" they asked.

Mrs. Truman replied, "Heavens, no! It took me twenty-five years to get him to say 'manure.'"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 05 March 2015
  • Currently 8.73/10

Rating: 8.7/10 (11)

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