Jokes of the day for Friday, 31 July 2020

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Friday, 31 July 2020
  • Currently 2.33/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (3)

A screenwriter comes home to a

A screenwriter comes home to a burned-down house. His sobbing wife is standing outside. "What happened, honey?" he asks.
"Oh, John, it was terrible," she weeps. "I was cooking when the phone rang. It was your agent. Because I was on the phone, I didn't notice the stove had caught on fire. It went up in seconds. Everything is gone. I barely made it out of the house alive..."
"Wait! Back up a minute," the man says. "My agent called?"
#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 5.40/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (5)

“What evaluation proc

“What evaluation process is used by the Journal of Dermatological Science? Pore review.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous puns on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 3.20/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (10)

Always Friends

Boy 1: "As long as you are in school, two things will always be your friends."
Boy 2: "Who are they?
Boy1: "Classwork and Homework!"

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 4.88/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (8)

Life choices...

An older man was married to a younger woman. After several years of a very happy marriage, he had a heart attack. The doctor advised him that in order to prolong his life, they should cut out sex.

He and his wife discussed the matter and decided that he should sleep in the family room downstairs to save them both from temptation.

One night, after several weeks of this, he decided that life without sex wasn't worth living. So he headed upstairs. He met his wife on the staircase and said, "I was coming to die."

She laughed and replied, "I was just coming down to kill you!"

#joke #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 13 August 2017
  • Currently 5.79/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (14)

 We Need To Help These People


A doctor and a nurse were called to the scene of an accident.
Doctor: We need to get these people to a hospital now!
Nurse: What is it?
Doctor: It's a big building with a lot of doctors, but that's not important now!

#joke #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 03 July 2017
  • Currently 3.21/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (14)

Many environmentalists are als...

Many environmentalists are also writers. They have many litter rarely qualities.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 07 February 2010
  • Currently 3.14/10

Rating: 3.1/10 (7)

Remove 4 letters from this seq...

Remove 4 letters from this sequence (AYENNGINESL) to reveal a familiar English word.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Detective test

A policeman was interrogating 3 SARDARS who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first SARDAR a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it.

"This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The first SARDAR answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"

The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture I showed is his side profile."

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second SARDAR and asks him, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The second SARDAR smiles, flips his hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"

The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it's a picture of his side profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?"

Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third SARDAR and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him? He quickly adds, "Think hard before giving me a stupid answer."

The SARDAR looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "The suspect wears contact lenses."

The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not. "Well, that's an interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that."

He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file in his computer, and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.

"Wow! I can't believe it. It's TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?"

"That's easy," the SARDAR replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."

Submitted by sai1ram

Edited by calamjo

#joke #policeman
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 31 July 2010
  • Currently 6.85/10

Rating: 6.8/10 (39)

Password

A female secretary was helping her new boss set up his computer and asked him what word he would like to use as a password to log in with.

Wanting to embarrass his new secretary a bit and let her know where they stood, he smugly told her to enter 'penis.'

Without blinking or saying a word, she entered the password. She then almost died laughing at the computer's response:

PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH!

Submitted by Calamjo

Edited by Curtis

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 31 July 2011
  • Currently 6.35/10

Rating: 6.4/10 (31)

Competition at the retirement home

An old man and an old woman are together every night. They aren't married, but for years and years they have spent every night together. All they ever do is sit on the couch buck naked and watch TV while she holds his weiner.

Every night, like clockwork, they do this - sit on the couch watching TV while she holds his weiner.

One night he doesn't show up. Then a second night goes by - no show. She calls him up.

"Where you been?" "Oh ... I've been down at what's her name's." "What are you doing there?"

"Pretty much the same thing we do - sitting naked on the couch watching TV while she holds my weiner."

"Well, what does she have that I don't have?"

"Parkinson's."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 31 July 2012
  • Currently 4.52/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (29)

Dane Cook: Watching The Discovery Channel

Im watching some television tonight. Im watching The Discovery Channel. You know, this channel, you never ever plan on watching this. It just happens. Youre flickin around, all of a sudden -- boom -- youre watching a mole for an hour-and-a-half.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 31 July 2011
  • Currently 3.59/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (29)

Lone Ranger

Tonto and the Lone Ranger had a falling out... because the Lone Ranger discovered that "Kimosabee" actually means... "asshole!"

Submitted by Curtis

Edited by Yisman

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 31 July 2012
  • Currently 2.52/10

Rating: 2.5/10 (29)

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