Jokes of the day for Sunday, 06 September 2020

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Sunday, 06 September 2020
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Happy New Year 2021!! Happy New Year 2021

Two Viagra pills walked into a

Two Viagra pills walked into a bar. They sat down next to two marijuana plants who were engrossed in an animated discussion.
"I don't get it," one marijuana plant said to the other, "Why aren't we legal? Nobody's being hurt by us."

One of the viagra pills scoffed at them.
The marijuana plant turned to him and asked, "What's your problem, don't you think we should be legal?"

"No", the viagra pill replied. "We're hard-on drugs."
#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
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 More Hilarious Al Gore Quotes And Blunders


"I am not part of the problem. I am a Democrat."
-- Vice President Al Gore


"A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls."
-- Vice President Al Gore


"Illegitimacy is something we should talk about in terms of not having it."
-- Vice President Al Gore, 5/20/996


"Democrats understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child."
-- Vice President Al Gore


"Welcome to President Clinton, Mrs. Clinton, and my fellow astronauts."
-- Vice President Al Gore


"Mars is essentially in the same orbit... Mars is somewhat the same distance from the Sun, which is very important. We have seen pictures where there are canals, we believe, and water. If there is water, that means there is oxygen. If oxygen, that means we can breathe."
-- Vice President Al Gore


"What a waste it is to lose one's mind. Or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is."
-- Vice President Al Gore


"People that are really very weird can get into sensitive positions and have tremendous impact on history."
-- Vice President Al Gore
(Ed note. Hmmmm, anyone in particular come to mind?)


"When I have been asked who caused the riots and the killing in L.A., my answer has been direct and simple: Who is to blame for the riots? The rioters are to blame. Who is to blame for the killings? The killers are to blame."
-- Al Gore


"The American people would not want to know of any misquotes that Al Gore may or may not make."
-- Vice President Al Gore

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
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Right Direction

"Yoda, are you sure we're headed in the right direction?"
"Off course we are..."

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
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Lexicographer Noah Webster was

Lexicographer Noah Webster was blessed with define inspiration.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 15 October 2017
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Rating: 7.2/10 (5)

On Exercising

1 - My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 now and we don't know where in the worldl she is. <p> 2 - The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again. <p> 3 - I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to show up. <p> 4 - I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing. <p> 5 - I don't exercise at all. If God meant us to touch our toes, he would have put them further up our body. <p> 6 - I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. <p> 7 - I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them. <p> 8 - The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier. <p> 9 - If you are going to try cross-county skiing, start with a small country. <p> 10 - I don't jog; it makes the ice jump right out of my glass. <p> and last but not least.... <p> It is well documented that for every mile that you jog..... you add one minute to your life .... This enables you, at 85 years old.... to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $5000 per month.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 19 September 2017
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On their wedding night, the yo

On their wedding night, the young bride approached her newhusband and asked for $20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter. In his highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed.This scenario was repeated each time they made love, for more than 30 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that she needed.
Arriving home around noon one day, she was surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state. During the next few minutes, he explained that his employer was going through a process of corporate downsizing, and he had been let go. It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he'd be able to find another position that paid anywhere near what he'd been earning, and therefore, they were financially ruined.
Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which showed more than thirty years of steady deposits and interest totalingnearly$1 million. Then she showed him certificates of deposits issued by the bank which were worth over $2million, and informed him that they were one of the largest depositors in the bank.
She explained that for the more than three decades she had 'charged' him for sex, these holdings had multiplied and these were the results of her savings and investments.
Faced with evidence of cash and investments worth over $3 million, her husband was so astounded he could barely speak, but finally he found his voice and blurted out, 'If I'd had any idea what you were doing, I would have given you all my business!'
That's when she shot him.
You know, sometimes, men just don't know whento keep their mouths shut.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 20 December 2014
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Calculate the number 5547

NUMBERMANIA: Calculate the number 5547 using numbers [7, 4, 2, 5, 95, 564] and basic arithmetic operations (+, -, *, /). Each of the numbers can be used only once.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Loni Love: All the Holidays

I used to work in an office, and when I worked in an office, I celebrated all the holidays -- Cesar Chavez Day, Labor Day -- just to get a day off of work. It could be KKK Day -- Do I get a day off of work?
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 06 September 2010
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Rating: 2.6/10 (55)

Chuck Norris doesn't cheat dea...

Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 06 September 2011
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Speech Impediment

Two life-long friends were enjoying a few pints down at the local bar, when one said to the other: "If I ask you a question, will you promise to answer me honestly?"

"Yeah, sure thing," replied his friend, "fire away."

"Well," said the first guy, "why do you think all the guys around here find my wife so attractive?"

"It's probably because of her speech impediment," replied the second guy.

"What do you mean her speech impediment?"

inquired the first fellow.

"My wife doesn't have a speech impediment!"

"Well," replied his friend, "you must be the only guy who hasn't noticed that she can't say 'NO'!!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 06 September 2011
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A 70-year-old man has never be...

A 70-year-old man has never been married. One day, he meets a beautiful 17-year-old girl, and it is love at first sight. They get married and go to Florida for their honeymoon. When they get back, his friend says to him, "So, tell me, how was it?"

"Oh, it was beautiful," says the man. "The sun, the surf, we made love almost every night, we -"

His friend interrupts him. "A man your age! How did you make love almost every night?"

"Oh," says the man, "we almost made love Monday, we almost made love Tuesday..."
#joke #monday
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 06 September 2008
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News Headlines 03


Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter
Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies
Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years
Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One
Drunken Drivers Paid $1000 in `84
Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted
Miners Refuse to Work after Death
If Strike isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 06 September 2011
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