Jokes of the day for Monday, 07 September 2020

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Monday, 07 September 2020
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

Happy New Year 2021!! Happy New Year 2021

The grass farmer was criminall

The grass farmer was criminally charged after using a sod-off shotgun to settle a lawn-standing turf war – he wanted mow money. After his arrest he was denied bale.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 3.75/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (8)

Old enough to do as I please

A boy, frustrated with all the rules he had to follow, asked his father, "Dad, how soon will I be old enough to do as I please?"
The father answered immediately, "I just don't know, son. No male has ever lived that long yet."
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 8.00/10

Rating: 8.0/10 (16)

Rearrange the Letters

If you rearrange the letters of MAILMEN...
They get really upset.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 8.75/10

Rating: 8.8/10 (4)

Change for a $15 bill

An incompentent counterfeiter spent all day making his funny money. At the end of the day he realizes he spent all his time making $15 bills.

He figures that the only way he's going to get anything from this batch of money, is to find a place where the people aren't too bright and change his phoney money for real cash.

He travels to a small town and walks into a small Mom and Pop grocery store. He goes to the old man behind the counter and asks him, "Do you have change for a $15 bill?"

The old man replies, "I sure do...How would you like that? An eight and a seven or two sixes and a three?"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 20 September 2017
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (10)

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND B

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1. She is not a "BABE" or a "CHICK" - She is a"BREASTED AMERICAN."
2. She is not a "SCREAMER" or a "MOANER" -She is "VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE."
3. She is not "EASY" - She is "HORIZONTALLYACCESSIBLE."
4. She is not a "DUMB BLONDE" - She is a"LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY."
5. She has not "BEEN AROUND" - She is a"PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION."
6. She is not an "AIRHEAD" - She is "REALITYIMPAIRED."
7. She does not get "DRUNK" or "TIPSY" - Shegets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED."
8. She does not have "BREAST IMPLANTS" -She is "MEDICALLY ENHANCED."
9. She does not "NAG" you - She becomes"VERBALLY REPETITIVE."
10. She is not a "TRAMP" - She is "SEXUALLYEXTROVERTED."
11 She does not have "MAJOR LEAGUEHOOTERS" - She is "PECTORALLY SUPERIOR."
12. She is not a "TWO-BIT HOOKER" - She is a"LOW COST PROVIDER."
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1. He does not have a "BEER GUT" - He hasdeveloped a "LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY."
2. He is not a "BAD DANCER" - He is "OVERLYCAUCASIAN."
3. He does not "GET LOST ALL THE TIME" -He "INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS."
4. He is not "BALDING" - He is in "FOLLICLEREGRESSION."
5. He is not a "CRADLE ROBBER" - He prefers"GENERATIONAL DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS."
6. He does not get "FALLING-DOWN DRUNK" -He becomes "ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL."
7. He does not act like a "TOTAL ASS" - He develops a case of"RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION."
8. He is not a "MALE CHAUVINIST PIG" - Hehas "SWINE EMPATHY."
9. He is not afraid of "COMMITMENT" - He is"RELATIONSHIP CHALLENGED."
10. He is not "HORNY" - He is "SEXUALLYFOCUSED."
11. It's not his "CRACK" you see hanging out of his pants-It's"REAR CLEAVAGE."
#joke #blonde #beer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 15 March 2016
  • Currently 5.44/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (9)

Chicken

guesse what?....... chicken butt
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 04 January 2009
  • Currently 3.74/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (19)

Find number abc

If 44a8b - 3c1c8 = 8b31 find number abc. Multiple solutions may exist.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

More beer

A man came home from an exhausting day at work, plopped down on the couch in front of the television, and told his wife: "Get me a beer before it starts!"

The wife sighed and got him a beer.

Ten minutes later, he said: "Get me another beer before it starts!"

She looked cross, but fetched another beer and slammed it down next to him. He finished that beer and a few minutes later said: "Quick, get me another beer, it's going to start any minute!"

The wife was furious. "Is that all you're going to do tonight! Drink beer and sit in front of that TV! You're nothing but a lazy, drunken, fat slob and furthermore..."

The man sighed and said: "It's started."

#joke #beer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 07 September 2012
  • Currently 6.22/10

Rating: 6.2/10 (103)

Daniel Tosh: Saw Myself Naked

Saw myself naked in front of a mirror a couple days ago -- thats not the joke, thats what we called the setup. I saw myself naked, and I said, Holy cow, Im The White Man. Ive heard a lot of bad things about you, cracka.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 07 September 2010
  • Currently 2.48/10

Rating: 2.5/10 (40)

Rory Albanese: Kids With ADD

Follow this sentence: children who cant pay attention are considered to have a disorder. Children who cant pay attention? I dont know, he just wont focus. He could be seven. That could be the issue.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 07 September 2011
  • Currently 3.03/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (34)

Chuck Norris can stop mid-snee...

Chuck Norris can stop mid-sneeze...with his eyes open.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 07 September 2011
  • Currently 2.59/10

Rating: 2.6/10 (34)

Hunter Shot By Fox

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.
Hunter Shot to Death By a Fox, Belgrade, Associated Press
A fox shot and killed a 38-year-old hunter in central Yugoslavia, the official Yugoslav news agency Tanjug reported yesterday.
Salih Hajdur, a farmer from the village of Gornje Hrasno in the Republic of Bosnia-Hercegovina, went to a nearby forest Sunday to shoot a fox, Tanjug said.
Hajdur wounded a fox in the leg, the agency said, but to spare the skin he did not fire again. Instead, he hit the animal with his refle butt. The struggling animal triggered a shot that hit Hajdur in the chest and killed him instantly, Tanjug said. The fox died later, Tanjug added.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 07 September 2011
  • Currently 4.87/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (30)

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