The grass farmer was criminallThe grass farmer was criminally charged after using a sod-off shotgun to settle a lawn-standing turf war – he wanted mow money. After his arrest he was denied bale.
Old enough to do as I pleaseA boy, frustrated with all the rules he had to follow, asked his father, "Dad, how soon will I be old enough to do as I please?"
The father answered immediately, "I just don't know, son. No male has ever lived that long yet."
Rearrange the Letters
If you rearrange the letters of MAILMEN...
They get really upset.
Change for a $15 bill
An incompentent counterfeiter spent all day making his funny money. At the end of the day he realizes he spent all his time making $15 bills.
He figures that the only way he's going to get anything from this batch of money, is to find a place where the people aren't too bright and change his phoney money for real cash.
He travels to a small town and walks into a small Mom and Pop grocery store. He goes to the old man behind the counter and asks him, "Do you have change for a $15 bill?"
The old man replies, "I sure do...How would you like that? An eight and a seven or two sixes and a three?"
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BHOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1. She is not a "BABE" or a "CHICK" - She is a"BREASTED AMERICAN."
2. She is not a "SCREAMER" or a "MOANER" -She is "VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE."
3. She is not "EASY" - She is "HORIZONTALLYACCESSIBLE."
4. She is not a "DUMB BLONDE" - She is a"LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY."
5. She has not "BEEN AROUND" - She is a"PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION."
6. She is not an "AIRHEAD" - She is "REALITYIMPAIRED."
7. She does not get "DRUNK" or "TIPSY" - Shegets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED."
8. She does not have "BREAST IMPLANTS" -She is "MEDICALLY ENHANCED."
9. She does not "NAG" you - She becomes"VERBALLY REPETITIVE."
10. She is not a "TRAMP" - She is "SEXUALLYEXTROVERTED."
11 She does not have "MAJOR LEAGUEHOOTERS" - She is "PECTORALLY SUPERIOR."
12. She is not a "TWO-BIT HOOKER" - She is a"LOW COST PROVIDER."
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1. He does not have a "BEER GUT" - He hasdeveloped a "LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY."
2. He is not a "BAD DANCER" - He is "OVERLYCAUCASIAN."
3. He does not "GET LOST ALL THE TIME" -He "INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS."
4. He is not "BALDING" - He is in "FOLLICLEREGRESSION."
5. He is not a "CRADLE ROBBER" - He prefers"GENERATIONAL DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS."
6. He does not get "FALLING-DOWN DRUNK" -He becomes "ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL."
7. He does not act like a "TOTAL ASS" - He develops a case of"RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION."
8. He is not a "MALE CHAUVINIST PIG" - Hehas "SWINE EMPATHY."
9. He is not afraid of "COMMITMENT" - He is"RELATIONSHIP CHALLENGED."
10. He is not "HORNY" - He is "SEXUALLYFOCUSED."
11. It's not his "CRACK" you see hanging out of his pants-It's"REAR CLEAVAGE."
Chickenguesse what?....... chicken butt
Find number abc
A man came home from an exhausting day at work, plopped down on the couch in front of the television, and told his wife: "Get me a beer before it starts!"
The wife sighed and got him a beer.
Ten minutes later, he said: "Get me another beer before it starts!"
She looked cross, but fetched another beer and slammed it down next to him. He finished that beer and a few minutes later said: "Quick, get me another beer, it's going to start any minute!"
The wife was furious. "Is that all you're going to do tonight! Drink beer and sit in front of that TV! You're nothing but a lazy, drunken, fat slob and furthermore..."
The man sighed and said: "It's started."
Daniel Tosh: Saw Myself NakedSaw myself naked in front of a mirror a couple days ago -- thats not the joke, thats what we called the setup. I saw myself naked, and I said, Holy cow, Im The White Man. Ive heard a lot of bad things about you, cracka.
Rory Albanese: Kids With ADDFollow this sentence: children who cant pay attention are considered to have a disorder. Children who cant pay attention? I dont know, he just wont focus. He could be seven. That could be the issue.
Hunter Shot By FoxThe following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.
Hunter Shot to Death By a Fox, Belgrade, Associated Press
A fox shot and killed a 38-year-old hunter in central Yugoslavia, the official Yugoslav news agency Tanjug reported yesterday.
Salih Hajdur, a farmer from the village of Gornje Hrasno in the Republic of Bosnia-Hercegovina, went to a nearby forest Sunday to shoot a fox, Tanjug said.
Hajdur wounded a fox in the leg, the agency said, but to spare the skin he did not fire again. Instead, he hit the animal with his refle butt. The struggling animal triggered a shot that hit Hajdur in the chest and killed him instantly, Tanjug said. The fox died later, Tanjug added.