Jokes of the day for Thursday, 17 September 2020

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Thursday, 17 September 2020
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

Happy New Year 2021!! Happy New Year 2021

Is it true that Jesus could on

Is it true that Jesus could only perform miracles, because He was on steroids?
Yes - after all, he was King of the Juice!
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 1.24/10

Rating: 1.2/10 (17)

An elementary school teacher,

An elementary school teacher, well versed in educational jargon, asked for a small allotment of money for "behavior modification reinforcers."
The principal saw the item and asked, "What in heaven's name is that?"
"Lollipops," the teacher explained.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 5.08/10

Rating: 5.1/10 (12)

Learning with Tequila

Tequila is an excellent teacher...
Just last night it taught me to count...
One Tequila, Two Tequila, Three Tequila, Floor!

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 4.64/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (11)

 Answering Machine Message 29


Thank you for calling 217-2962. If you wish to speak to Tim, push 1 on your touch tone phone now. If you wish to speak to Lynn, push 2 on your touch tone phone now. If you have a wrong number, push 3 on your touch tone phone now. All of this button pushing doesn't do anything, but it is a good way to work off anger, and it makes us feel like we have a big time phone system.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 27 December 2018
  • Currently 3.86/10

Rating: 3.9/10 (14)

Under a tack ....

Driving to work, a gentleman had to swerve to avoid a box that fell out of the truck in front of him. Seconds later, a policeman pulled him over for reckless driving. Fortunately, another office had seen the carton in the road. The policemen stopped traffic and recovered the box. It was found to contain large upholstery tacks.

"I'm sorry, Sir," the first trooper told the driver, "but I am still going to have to write you a ticket."

Amazed, the driver demanded to know the reason.

The trooper replied . . . "Tacks evasion."

#joke #policeman
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 30 September 2017
  • Currently 5.79/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (14)

Mr. Johnson had been retired f

Mr. Johnson had been retired for a year when his wife of 50 yearssuggested they take a cruise: "We could go somewhere for a week, and makewild love like we did when we were young!" He thought it over and agreed.
He put on his hat and went down to the pharmacy, where he bought a bottleof seasick pills and a box of condoms. Upon returning home, his wife said,"I've been thinking. There's no reason we can't go for a month." So Mr.Johnson went back to the pharmacy and asked for 12 bottles of seasickpills and a box of condoms. When he returned, his wife said, "You know,since the children are on their own, what's stopping us from cruising theworld?"
So back to the pharmacy Mr. Johnson went, and he brought 297 bottles ofseasick pills and the same amount of condoms up to the counter. Thepharmacist finally had to ask.
"You know, Mr. Johnson, you have been doing business with me for over 30years. I certainly don't mean to pry, but if it makes you that sick, whythe hell do you do it?"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 18 May 2017
  • Currently 4.44/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (9)

Find number abc

If c9ac8 - 11288 = 2815b find number abc. Multiple solutions may exist.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

100 pound pig

Mike Mooney A Yankee was driving through the south when he decided he wanted to buy a pig. He stopped at a pig farm and told the farmer he wanted to buy a 100 pound pig.

The farmer nodded, walked out into the sty, bent over and picked up a pig by its tail with his teeth. The farmer said, "This one will go a little over a 100".

Astonished the Yankee said, "Who are you trying to fool? You can't weigh a pig that way".

The farmer laughed and called to his young son, "Boy, come over here and weigh that pig for this man".

The boy obliged by bending over and picking up the pig by its tail with his teeth. Turning to his father the boy said, " This here pig weighs about 100 pounds".

The Yankee was having no part of this so in order to convince him the farmer told his son to go to the house and get his mother so she could weigh the pig. After a short delay the son returned and said, "Ma says she will be right down after she's finished weighing the mailman".

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 17 September 2011
  • Currently 3.83/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (52)

A passenger in a taxi leaned o...

A passenger in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver a question and tapped him on the shoulder. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.

For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, and then the still shaking driver said, "I'm sorry but you scared the daylights out of me."

The frightened passenger apologized to the driver and said he didn't realize a mere tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much.

The driver replied, "No, no, I'm sorry, it's entirely my fault. Today is my first day driving a cab. I've been driving a hearse for the last 25 years."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 17 September 2010
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (38)

Eugene Mirman: If a Bear Attacks

Does anybody here know what to do if a bear attacks? A lot of people do think youre supposed to play dead, which is not what youre supposed to do. And the best thing about playing dead is -- thats like a rumor that bears spread.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 17 September 2011
  • Currently 5.06/10

Rating: 5.1/10 (34)

How to Make Holy Water

Q: How did the bishop make holy water?
A: He took some tap water and boiled the hell out of it.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 17 September 2017
  • Currently 7.66/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (29)

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