Jokes of the day for Monday, 05 October 2020

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Monday, 05 October 2020
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

What's a beer afficionad

What's a beer afficionado's favourite kind of porn?
#joke #short #beer
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 2.63/10

Rating: 2.6/10 (8)

As Gayle was getting to know J

As Gayle was getting to know Jim and his family, she was very impressed by how much his parents loved each other.
"They're so thoughtful," Gayle said. "Why, your dad even brings your mom a cup of hot coffee in bed every morning."
After a time, Gayle and Jim were engaged, and then they married. On the way from the wedding to the reception, Gayle again remarked on Jim's loving parents and even the coffee in bed.
"Tell me," she said, "does it run in the family?"
"It sure does," replied Jim. "And I take after my mom."
#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 7.71/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (14)

Name Please

"What is your brother's name?"
Little Jane: "I don't know yet. We can't understand a word he says."

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 4.77/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (13)

I think I'm shrinking!

A man rushed into the doctor's office and shouted, "Doctor! I think I'm shrinking!"

The doctor calmly responded, "Now, settle down. You'll just have to be a little patient."

#joke #short #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 18 October 2017
  • Currently 8.00/10

Rating: 8.0/10 (25)

Old tribal wisdom says that wh...

Old tribal wisdom says that when you discover you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount. Businesses, however, often try other strategies. These include...
1. Buying a stronger whip.
2. Changing riders.
3. Saying things like "This is the way we always have ridden this horse"
4. Appointing a committee to study the horse.
5. Arranging to visit other sites to see how they ride dead horses.
6. Increasing the standards to ride dead horses.
7. Appointing a tiger team to revive the dead horse.
8. Creating a training session to increase our riding ability.
9. Comparing the state of dead horses in today's environment.
10. Change the requirements declaring that "This horse is not dead".
11. Hire contractors to ride the dead horse.
12. Harnessing several dead horses together for increased speed.
13. Declaring that "No horse is too dead to beat."
14. Providing additional funding to increase the horse's performance.
15. Do a CA Study to see if contractors can ride it cheaper.
16. Purchase a product to make dead horses run faster.
17. Declare the horse is now "better, faster and cheaper."
18. Form a quality circle to find uses for dead horses.
19. Revisit the performance requirements for horses.
20. Say this horse was procured with cost as an independent variable.
21. Promote the dead horse to a supervisory position.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 07 November 2014
  • Currently 5.90/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (10)

Paper beats rock, rock beats s...

Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, but Chuck Norris beats all 3 at the same time.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 05 October 2011
  • Currently 3.95/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (44)

Chess Knight Move

Find the country and its capital city, using the move of a chess knight. First letter is P. Length of words in solution: 8,8.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Alfred Robles: Girl Like a Report Card

I want a girl that reminds me of my report card: her face has to be an A, she has to have double DDs, cause tonight I want to F.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 05 October 2011
  • Currently 2.92/10

Rating: 2.9/10 (38)

Knock Knock Collection 189


Knock Knock
Who's there?
Walt!
Walt who?
Walt till your father gets home!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Walter!
Walter who?
Walter-wall carpeting!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Wanda!
Wanda who?
Wanda buy some Girl Scout cookies!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Wannetta!
Wannetta who?
Wannetta time please!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Warner!
Warner who?
Warner you coming out to play!

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 05 October 2011
  • Currently 3.47/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (30)

Porch or Lexus?

A blonde wanting to earn extra money decided to do odd jobs for her wealthy neighbors. At the first house, the owner said,"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?

"$50" she replies

The man agrees and gives her the paint and brushes and goes back in the house. The man's wife overheard their conversation and asked him if she had realized that the porch goes all around the house. "She should. She was standing on it"

A short time later the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You've finished already?" the man asked.

"Yeah, and i had paint left over so i gave two coats."

Impressed the man reaches for the money. "And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a porch. Its a Lexus."

#joke #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 05 October 2011
  • Currently 6.10/10

Rating: 6.1/10 (29)

 I Get No Respect 04


"I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said... Are you going to hate yourself in the morning? She said.. No..I hate myself now."
"I had a girlfriend that was so fat her belly button made an echo."
"I had a girlfriend that was so fat she had her own postal code."
"I had a girlfriend that was so fat she had a dress with a sign on the back saying...Caution Wide Load."
"My girlfriend was so fat her clothes were made by Omar the tent maker"
"One day I ran into my girlfriend with my car. She asked me why I didn't ride around her. I told her that I didn't think I had enough gas"
"I had a girlfriend that was so fat her bikini was made out of two bed sheets."
"I knew a girl that was so ugly that... her mother ripped in two when she had her."
"I knew a girl that was so ugly that... She uses a septic tank for a toilet."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 05 October 2017
  • Currently 1.45/10

Rating: 1.4/10 (29)

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