When I see acne it makes me vo
When I see acne it makes me vomit. It's a cyst-emetic reaction.#joke #short
A screaming, yelling mob were
A screaming, yelling mob were tearing up the High Street.A policeman stops one runner, and asks, "What's happening?"
"A lion has escaped," he gasps.
"Which way did it go?" enquires the bobby.
"Well we're not bloody chasing it!"
#joke #short #policeman
Rabbits On His Head
Why did the bald man paint rabbits on his head?
Because from a distance they looked like hares!
#joke #short
A young reporter went to a ret
A young reporter went to a retirement home to interview an aged but legendary explorer. The reporter asked the old man to tell him the most frightening experience he had ever had.The old explorer said, "Once I was hunting Bengal tigers in the jungles of India. I was on a narrow path and my faithful native gun bearer was behind me. Suddenly the largest tiger I have ever seen leaped onto the path in front of us. I turned to get my weapon only to find the native had fled. The tiger leaped toward me with a mighty ROARRRR! I just soiled myself."
The reporter said, "Under those circumstances anyone would have done the same."
The old explorer said, "No, not back then - just now when I went ''''ROARRRR!''''"
#joke
Marriage Certificate
Wife: 'What are you doing?' Husband: Nothing.
Wife: 'Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.'
Husband: 'I was looking for the expiration date.'
#joke #short
A drunk walks into a crowded b...
A drunk walks into a crowded bar and takes the last barstool next to an older woman. After awhile, the woman starts to smell this horrible odor coming from the direction of the drunk. She turns to him and says, "Excuse me Mister, but did you just shit yourself?" The drunk replied, "Yes ma'am, I have indeed shit myself." The woman says, "Well, why don't you go somewhere and clean yourself up?"The drunk says, "'Cause I'm not finished yet..."
#joke
Find the right combination
The computer chose a secret code (sequence of 4 digits from 1 to 6). Your goal is to find that code. Black circles indicate the number of hits on the right spot. White circles indicate the number of hits on the wrong spot.
Donnell Rawlings: Friends With Cool Jobs
Comedys a tough job, man. Ive got friends who got cool jobs. One of my friends, hes a porno star. Guess how he got discovered? This girl sat on his lap, and she was like, Ooh, you should do porno! Same girl sat on my lap and was like, Ooh, you should tell jokes! #joke #short
Jeff Dunham: Sex Life of the Elderly
Jeff: I had grandparents that were well into their 80s and still were having fun.Walter: Their 80s? The hell kind of sex is that? Was it good for you? I dont remember. It was three minutes ago!, Who are you?!?.
#joke #short
President Roosevelt once rode ...
President Roosevelt once rode his horse 100 miles. Chuck Norris carried his the same distance in half the time.#joke #short #chucknorris
Paul F. Tompkins: Name in Print
I do not understand why people write letters to magazines. It accomplishes nothing; its pointless. [If] you want to see your name in print that bad, write on a piece of paper and look at it: Ah, there it is. Just as I always dreamed. #joke #short