Join us on WhatsApp
Join us on Viber

Jokes of the day for Thursday, 19 November 2020

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Thursday, 19 November 2020

Only when you are exposed to c

Only when you are exposed to cannon fire, will you be one with the holey fodder.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

Repentance

On her way back from the concession stand, Sandra asked the man at the end of the row, "Sir, did I step on your foot a minute ago?"
Expecting an apology the man said, "Indeed you did."
Sandra nodded, "Oh, good. Then this is my row."

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 8.33/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (3)

SLIDESHOW #129 - Funny Photo Slideshow

Old enough to do as I please

A boy, frustrated with all the rules he had to follow, asked his father, "Dad, how soon will I be old enough to do as I please?"
The father answered immediately, "I just don't know, son. No male has ever lived that long yet."
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 07 September 2020
  • Currently 8.22/10

Rating: 8.2/10 (18)

In a murder trial, the defense...

In a murder trial, the defense attorney was cross-examining the coroner:
Attorney: Before you signed the death certificate, had you taken the pulse?
Coroner: No.
Attorney: Did you listen to the heart?
Coroner: No.
Attorney: Did you check for breathing?
Coroner: No.
Attorney: So, when you signed the death certificate, you werent sure the man was dead, were you?
Coroner: Well, let me put it this way. The mans brain was sitting in a jar on my desk. But I guess its possible he could be out there practicing lawsomewhere.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 14 April 2020
  • Currently 8.12/10

Rating: 8.1/10 (17)

Deadly prophecy...

A medieval astrologer prophesied to a king that his favorite mistress would soon die.

Sure enough, the woman died a short time later. The king was outraged at the astrologer, certain that his prophecy had brought about the woman's death. He summoned the astrologer and gave him this command: "Prophet, tell me when you will die!"

The astrologer realized that the king was planning to kill him, immediately, no matter what answer he gave. So he said, finally, "I do not know when I will die. I only know that whenever I die, you will die three days later."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 08 December 2014
  • Currently 8.95/10

Rating: 9.0/10 (22)

A chicken and an egg are lying...

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed.
The chicken is smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face.
The egg is frowning and looking a bit pissed off.
The egg mutters, to no one in particular, "Well, I guess we answered THAT question!"
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 19 November 2009
  • Currently 4.81/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (69)

If you spell Chuck Norris in S...

If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 19 November 2011
  • Currently 2.53/10

Rating: 2.5/10 (49)

Where is God?

A couple had two little boys who were always getting into trouble. Their parents knew that if any mischief occurred in their village, their sons were probably involved.
The boys' mother heard that an elder in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her sons. The elder agreed, but asked to see them separately.
So, the mother sent her youngest son first, in the morning. The elder, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?" The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response.So the elder repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God!!?" Again the wide-eyed boy made no attempt to answer.
The elder raised his voice and bellowed, "WHERE IS GOD!?" The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into a closet, slamming the door behind him.
When his older brother found him hiding, he asked, "What happened?"
The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time. God is missing, and they think WE did it!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 19 November 2009
  • Currently 6.98/10

Rating: 7.0/10 (45)

Will you marry me?

There were these two elderly people living in a Florida mobile home park. He was a widower and she a widow. They had known one another for a number of years. Now, one evening there was a community supper in the big activity center. These two were at the same table, across from one another. As the meal went on, he made a few admiring glances at her and finally gathered up his courage to ask her, "Will you marry me?"

After a dramatic pause and precisely six seconds of 'careful consideration,' she answered. "Yes. Yes, I will."

The meal ended and with a few more pleasant exchanges and they went to their respective places.

Next morning, he was troubled. "Did she say 'yes' or did she say 'no'?"

He couldn't remember. Try as he would, he just could not recall. Not even a faint memory. With trepidation, he went to the telephone and called her.

First, he explained to her that he didn't remember as well as he used to. Then he reviewed the lovely evening past. As he gained a little more courage, he then inquired of her, "When I asked if you would marry me, did you say 'Yes' or did you say 'No'?"

He was delighted to hear her say, "Why, I said, 'Yes, yes I will' and I meant it with all my heart."

Then she continued, "And I am so glad that you called, because I couldn't remember who had asked me."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 19 November 2012
  • Currently 8.51/10

Rating: 8.5/10 (37)

Whiskey no worms

A man drinks a shot of whiskey every night before bed.

After years of this the wife wants him to quit, so she gets 2 shot glasses, filling 1 with water the other with whiskey.

She gets him to the table with the glasses and has his bait box there too.

She says "I want you to see this." She puts a worm in the water it swims around. She puts a worm in the whiskey and the worm dies.

She says "so what do you have to say about this experiment?"

He says "IF I DRINK WHISKEY I WON'T GET WORMS!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 19 November 2009
  • Currently 7.65/10

Rating: 7.6/10 (31)

A newly-married couple came ho...

A newly-married couple came home from their honeymoon and moved into the upstairs apartment they'd rented from the groom's parents.
That night, the father of the groom was awakened from his sleep by his wife. "Tony, listen!" she whispered.
He listened. Upstairs, the bed was creaking in rhythm.
The wife said, "Come on, Tony! Let's make love!" So Tony climbed on top of his wife, and pounded the old bone home.
As he was trying to fall back asleep 15 minutes later, the bed upstairs started creaking in rhythm again. "Come on, Tony!" said the wife. "Let's make love again!"
Once again, Tony climbed on top of his wife and screwed her as hard as he could.
As he was trying to fall back asleep 15 minutes later, the bed upstairs started creaking in rhythm again. "Come on, Tony!" said the wife. "Let's do it again!"
So Tony grabbed a broom and pounded on the ceiling as he shouted, "Hey, kids, cut it out! You're killing your old man down here!"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 03 July 2016
  • Currently 2.63/10

Rating: 2.6/10 (8)

Mathematical solution

Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?

He worked it out with a pencil.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 04 May 2016
  • Currently 5.45/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (11)

Greg Behrendt: Halloween Rules

I have two rules when you come to my house on Halloween. Wear a costume -- cause if youve manned your door at your own house, you know how many kids will roll up, 14 years old with no costume and an attitude. My other rule: dont grab. Let me assess you and then design a candy situation for you.
#joke #short #halloween
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 31 October 2011
  • Currently 4.50/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (12)

The only way to pull off a Sun...

The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their 8-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony with a popsicle and tell him to report on all the neighborhood activities.He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation.
"There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he shouted.A few moments passed.
"An ambulance just drove by."
A few moments later, "Looks like the Anderson's have company," he called out."Matt's riding a new bike."
A few moments later, "Looks like the Sanders are moving.""Jason is on his skate board."
A few more moments, "The Coopers are having sex."
Startled, his mother and dad shot up in bed. Dad cautiously called out, "How do you know they are having sex?"
"Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a popsicle too."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 07 June 2016
  • Currently 7.13/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (8)

I didn't realize how bad of a...

I didn't realize how bad of a driver I was until my navigation system said:
"IN 400 FEET, DO A SLIGHT RIGHT, STOP, AND LET ME OUT."
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 08 April 2017
  • Currently 8.36/10

Rating: 8.4/10 (14)

Jokes Archive

NOTE: All jokes on this web site are property of the sites they are collected from. Web site Jokes of the day is not responsible for content of jokes. We are not trying to offend, just looking for a good laugh!! If you are offended by any of the jokes, please complain to the site jokes are coming from.
This site uses cookies to store information on your computer. Some are essential to help the site properly. Others give us insight into how the site is used and help us to optimize the user experience. See our privacy policy.