What Is A Committee?
What is a committee?
A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.
1. I can't reach my license u...1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK in Texas)
2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
3. Aren't you the guy from the Village People?
4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!
5. Are You Andy or Barney?
6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.
7. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
8. I pay your salary!
9. Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!
10. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
11. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are.
12. When the Officer says "Gee Son....Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with, "Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"
Hear about the wig thief? He hHear about the wig thief? He had a hair owin' addiction.
One word a yearA man is madly in love with a princess and wants to propose, but an evil witch has cast a spell on him, and now he can say only one word a year.
So he waits 14 agonizing years – accumulating all his words – before approaching his beloved. Finally, the big day arrives. When he sees her, his heart skips a beat.
He gathers his nerve, drops to his knees, and intones, "My darling, I have waited many years to say this – will you marry me?"
The princess turns around, smiles, and says, "Pardon?"
A couple met at Myrtle Beach and fell in love. They were discussing how they would continue their relationship after their vacations were over.
"It's only fair to warn you, Linda," he said. "I'm a golf nut. I live...eat...sleep...and breathe golf."
"Well,..." Linda said, "Since you're being honest, so will I. You see, I'm a hooker."
"I see," he said pensively. Then, he smiled and said..."It's probably because you're not keeping your wrists straight when you hit the ball."
A married couple were asleep w...A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning, thewife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment andsaid, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here?" and hung up.
The husband said, "Who was that?" The wife said, "I don't know, someyoung woman wanting to know 'if the coast is clear."
What a winning combination?
FurnitureThere were these two ovaries and they were cleaning their house when they heard a knock at the door.
"I'll get the door." says the first ovary.
She looks out the peep hole and says, "Did you order furniture?"
"No, why?" askes the other ovary.
"Because there are two nuts at the door trying to shove in an organ!"
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Glaci
English SchoolDonald MacDonald from Scotland went to study at an English university and was living in the hall of residence with all the other students there. After he had been there a month, his mother came to visit him (no doubt carrying reinforcements of tatties, salt herring, oatmeal and whisky).
“And how do you find the English students, Donald?” she asked.
“Mother,” he replied, “they're such terrible, noisy people. The one on that side keeps banging his head on the wall and won't stop. The one on the other side screams and screams all night.”
“Oh Donald! How do you manage to put up with these awful noisy English neighbors?”
“Mother, I do nothing. I just ignore them. I just stay here quietly, playing my bagpipes.”