Jokes of the day for Monday, 21 December 2020

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Monday, 21 December 2020
  • Currently 8.33/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (3)

Noah was extremely promiscuous

Noah was extremely promiscuous during his travels on the boat. He was known as the first ark dick explorer.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 3.20/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (10)

25 Signs You're Getting Ol

25 Signs You're Getting Old
1. You're asleep, but others worry that you're dead.
2. Your back goes out more than you do.
3. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
4. You buy a compass for the dash of your car/truck.
5. You are proud of your lawn mower.
6. Your best friend is dating someone half their age, and isn't breaking any laws.
7. Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.
8. You sing along with the elevator music.
9. You would rather go to work than stay home sick.
10. You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.
11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
12. People call at 9:00 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?"
13. You answer a question with, "Because I said so."
14. You send money to PBS.
15. The end of your tie doesn't come anywhere near the top of your pants.
16. You take a metal detector to the beach.
17. You know what the word "equity" means.
18. You can't remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch television.
19. Your ears are hairier than your head.
20. You talk about "good grass" and you're referring to someone's lawn.

21. You get into a heated argument about pension plans.
22. You got cable for The Weather Channel.
23. You can go bowling without drinking.
24. You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
25. People send you this list.
#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 7.44/10

Rating: 7.4/10 (9)

A dietitian was once addressin

A dietitian was once addressing a large audience in Chicago:
"The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of ussitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks erode your stomachlining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. Vegetables can be disastrous, andnone of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinkingwater.
"But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all haveeaten or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causesthe most grief and suffering for years after eating it?"
A 75-year-old man in the front row stood up and said, "Wedding cake."
#joke
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 7.44/10

Rating: 7.4/10 (9)

Before There Were Crowbars

Before crowbars were invented...
...most crows drank at home by themselves.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 7.67/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (6)

Procrastination

My mother said, "You won't amount to anything because you procrastinate." I said, "Just wait."

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 09 January 2015
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

A professor of chemistry wante...

A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th grade class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms. "Now, class. Observe closely the worms," said the professor putting a worm first into the water. The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be. The second worm, he put into the whiskey. It writhed painfully, and quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail. "Now, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?" the professor asked.
Johnny, who naturally sits in back, raised his hand and wisely, responded, "Drink whiskey and you won't get worms."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 21 December 2009
  • Currently 5.22/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (58)

Calculate the number 4436

NUMBERMANIA: Calculate the number 4436 using numbers [1, 9, 8, 2, 79, 502] and basic arithmetic operations (+, -, *, /). Each of the numbers can be used only once.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Kissing the secretary

One fine morning Dean came early into the office and caught his subordinate,Martin kissing his secretary.
Angered, Dean screamed: “Martin, do I pay you good salary for doing this?”
Martin: “No sir, I am doing this for free.”
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 21 December 2013
  • Currently 5.20/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (30)

Do you know why Baskin Robbins...

Do you know why Baskin Robbins only has 31 flavors? Because Chuck Norris doesn't like Fudge Ripple.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 21 December 2011
  • Currently 3.45/10

Rating: 3.4/10 (29)

A lady goes to her priest one

A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing."
"What do they say?" the priest inquired.
"They say 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?'"
"That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed. Then he thought for a moment.
"You know," he said, "I may have a solution to your problem. I have two male talking parrots whom I have taught to pray and read the Bible. Bring your two female parrots over to my house, and we'll put them in the cage with Francis and Job. My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship and your parrots are sure to stop saying that phrase...in time."
"Thank you," the woman responded, "this may very well be the solution."
The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest's house. As he ushered her in, she saw that his two male parrots were inside their cage, holding rosary beads and praying. Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them.
After a few minutes, the female parrots cried out in unison: "Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?"
There was a stunned silence. Finally, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed, "Put the beads away, Francis, our prayers have been answered!"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 21 December 2019
  • Currently 8.90/10

Rating: 8.9/10 (21)

Blind date

How was your blind date?" a college student asked her roommate.

"Terrible!" the room-mate answered. "He showed up in his 1932 Rolls Royce."

"Wow! That's a very expensive car. What's so bad about that?"

"He was the original owner."

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 21 December 2016
  • Currently 7.71/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (14)

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