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Jokes of the day for Tuesday, 05 January 2021

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Tuesday, 05 January 2021

Wallet packed with money

"Last Sunday I found a wallet packed with money down by the church."
"Did you give it back?"
"Not yet. I'm still trying to decide if it's a temptation from the devil or the answer to a prayer."
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 8.85/10

Rating: 8.9/10 (20)

Maturing Puppy Love

Three years after the honeymoon it appears their puppy love had matured.
"You don't love me any more," she sobbed. "You use to be so nice to me, and now you are always barking and growling."
"What do you expect," he demanded. "You've always got me in the doghouse."

#joke
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 4.67/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (6)

SLIDESHOW #115 - Funny Photo Slideshow

You see....

During a dinner party, the hosts' two little children entered the dining room totally nude and walked slowly around the table.

The parents were so embarrassed that they pretended nothing was happening and kept the conversation going. The guests cooperated and also continued as if nothing extraordinary was happening. After going all the way around the room, the children left, and there was a moment of silence at the table, during which one child was heard to say....

"You see, it IS vanishing cream!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 24 January 2015
  • Currently 6.27/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (11)

A magician was working on a cr...

A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows every week and began to understand what the magician does in every trick.
Once he understood that, he started shouting in the middle of the show: Look, it's not the same hat. Look, he is hiding the flowers under the table! Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades?
The magician was furious but couldn't do anything, it was the captain's parrot after all. One day the ship had an accident and sunk. The magician found himself on a piece of wood, in the middle of the ocean, with the parrot of course. They stared at each other with hate, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day, and another, and another.
After a week the parrot finally said: OK. I give up. What'd you do with the boat ?
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 05 January 2010
  • Currently 7.01/10

Rating: 7.0/10 (72)

A Prayer Upon Waking

Dear God, so far today, I've done all right. I haven't gossiped, and I haven't lost my temper.
I haven't been grumpy, nasty or selfish, and I'm really glad of that!
But in a few minutes, God, I'm going to get out of bed, and from then on, I'm probably going to need a lot of help.
Thank you! Amen.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 05 January 2010
  • Currently 7.13/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (46)

A mother and her young inquisi...

A mother and her young inquisitive son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago.

The son (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, "If dogs have baby dogs and cats have baby cats, why don't planes have baby planes?"

The mother (who couldn't think of an answer), told her son to ask the flight attendant.

So the boy dutifully asked the flight attendant, "If dogs have baby dogs, and cats have baby cats, why don't planes have baby planes?"

The flight attendant responded, "Did your mother tell you to ask me that?"

The little boy admitted that she did.

"Well, then, tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Southwest always pulls out on time. Now, let your mother explain that to you."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 05 January 2011
  • Currently 7.48/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (42)

Superman wears Chuck Norris pa...

Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 05 January 2012
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (38)

window seat

A blonde is going to London on a plane; how can you steal his window seat?

Tell him all seats going to London are in the middle row.

#joke #short #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 05 January 2012
  • Currently 6.07/10

Rating: 6.1/10 (29)

Jeff Dunham: Sex Life of the Elderly

Jeff: I had grandparents that were well into their 80s and still were having fun.
Walter: Their 80s? The hell kind of sex is that? Was it good for you? I dont remember. It was three minutes ago!, Who are you?!?.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 23 October 2009
  • Currently 4.10/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (41)

Cough Syrup

The owner of a drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against wall. The owner asks the clerk, "What's with that guy over there by the wall?"
The clerk says, "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative."
The owner says, "You idiot! You can't treat a cough with laxatives!"
The clerk says, "Oh yeah? Look at him, he's afraid to cough!"  

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 25 April 2015
  • Currently 8.44/10

Rating: 8.4/10 (9)

Lady on the Bus

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus she noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.

The case came up in court. The judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself.

The young man replied, Well your Honor, it was like this: When the lady got on the bus, I couldn’t help but notice her condition. She sat down under a sign that said, “The Double Mint Twins are coming” and I grinned. Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, “Logan’s Liniment will reduce the swelling”, and I had to smile. Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said, “William’s Big Stick Did the Trick”, and I could hardly contain myself.

BUT, Your Honor, when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said, “Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident”, I just lost it.

“CASE DISMISSED!!”

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 17 May 2017
  • Currently 8.72/10

Rating: 8.7/10 (25)

Would you watch my car?

A tourist climbed out of his car in downtown Washington, D.C. He said to a man standing near the curb, "Listen, I'm going to be only a couple of minutes. Would you watch my car while I run into this store?"

"What?" the man huffed. "Do you realize that I am a member of the United States Senate?"

"Well no," the tourist said, "I didn't realize that. But it's all right. I'll trust you anyway."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 17 March 2015
  • Currently 8.08/10

Rating: 8.1/10 (12)

Wanna Dance?

A rather awkward freshman finally got up the nerve to ask a pretty junior for a dance at the homecoming. She gave him the once-over and said, "Sorry, I won't dance with a child."
"Oh I'm sorry," responded the underclassman, "I didn't realize you were pregnant."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 23 May 2020
  • Currently 8.65/10

Rating: 8.6/10 (37)

One night at the dinner table...

One night at the dinner table, the wife commented, "When we were first married, you took the small piece of steak and gave me the larger. Now you take the large one and leave me the smaller; You don't love me any more..."
"Nonsense, darling," replied the husband, "you just cook better now."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 10 November 2017
  • Currently 8.12/10

Rating: 8.1/10 (17)

A Different Nighttime Prayer

We’ve been letting our six-year-old go to sleep listening to the radio, and I’m beginning to wonder if it’s a good idea. Last night he said his prayers and wound up with: “And God bless Mommy and Daddy and Sister. Amen—and FM!”
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 22 March 2015
  • Currently 8.08/10

Rating: 8.1/10 (12)

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