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Jokes of the day for Saturday, 06 February 2021

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Saturday, 06 February 2021

A teacher asks her class...

A teacher asks her class, "If there are five birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little Johnny.
"None, they all fly away with the first gunshot."
The teacher replies, "The correct answer is four, but I like your thinking."
Then Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream. One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?"
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies, "Well I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
"The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on... but I like your thinking."
#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 8.60/10

Rating: 8.6/10 (10)

Office So Small

I had an office so small...
That when I put the key in the door, I broke a window.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

SLIDESHOW #13 - Funny Photo Slideshow

A man who smelled like a disti

A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seatnext to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face wasplastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin wassticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaperand began reading. After a few minutes the disheveled guy turnedto the priest and asked, "Say, Father, what causes arthritis?"
"My son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wickedwomen, too much alcohol, and a contempt for your fellow man."
"Well, I'll be damned," the drunk muttered, returning to his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man andapologized. "I'm very sorry, I didn't mean to come on so strong.How long have you had arthritis?"
"I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."
#joke
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 8.75/10

Rating: 8.8/10 (4)

Blind Man

Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus.
So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, "Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy."
The blind man replies, "If you would've put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus ... so shut up."  

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 06 February 2017
  • Currently 8.67/10

Rating: 8.7/10 (58)

Fear of Flying

There was a religious woman who had to do a lot of traveling for her business. Flying made her very nervous, so she always took her Bible along with her.
One time, she was sitting next to a man. When he saw her pull out her Bible, he gave a little chuckle and smirk and went back to what he was doing.
After awhile, he turned to her and asked, "You don't really believe all that stuff in there do you?"
The woman replied, "Of course I do. It is the Bible."
He said, "Well, what about that guy that was swallowed by that whale?"
She replied, "Oh, Jonah. Yes, I believe that, it is in the Bible."
He asked, "Well, how do you suppose he survived all that time inside the whale?"
The woman said, "Well, I don't really know. I guess when I get to heaven, I will ask him."
"What if he isn't in heaven?" the man asked sarcastically.
"Then you can ask him," replied the woman.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 06 February 2009
  • Currently 6.72/10

Rating: 6.7/10 (43)

Adopted Turtle

Deep within a forest a little turtle began to climb a tree. After hours of effort he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground. After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground.
The turtle tried again and again while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts. Finally, the female bird turned to her mate.
“Dear,” she chirped, “I think it's time to tell him he's adopted.”

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 06 February 2014
  • Currently 7.43/10

Rating: 7.4/10 (42)

The Ultimate Computer

The Ultimate Computer stood at the end of the Ultimate Computer Company's production line. At which point the guided tour eventually arrived.
The salesman stepped forward to give his prepared demo. 'This,' he said, 'is the Ultimate Computer. It will give an intelligent answer to any question you may care to ask it.'
A smart-aleck who ran a humor mailing list stepped forward and asked, 'Where is my father?'
There was the soft hum of powerful electronic gear going to the task. Panel lights lit and blinked, and within a couple of seconds the laser printer printed out a piece of paper: 'Fishing off Florida.'
The smart-aleck laughed, 'Actually, my father is dead! It was a trick question.'
The salesman, quickly thinking on his feet, replied that he was sorry the answer was unsatisfactory, but as the Ultimate Computer was precise, perhaps a rewording of the question might work better.
The smart-aleck said to the Ultimate Computer, 'Where is my mother's husband?' Again, the hum of the powerful electronic brain filled the room.
After a moment, the laser printer whirred to life. The paper said, 'Dead. But your father is still fishing off Florida.'

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 06 February 2017
  • Currently 8.72/10

Rating: 8.7/10 (39)

Knock Knock Collection 142


Knock Knock
Who's there?
Oscar!
Oscar who?
Oscar a silly question, get a silly answer!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
O'Shea!
O'Shea who?
O'Shea that's a sad story!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Oslo!
Oslo who!
Oslo down, whats the hurry!

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Oswald!
Oswald who?
Oswald my chewing gum!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Oswego!
Oswego who?
Oswego marching, marching home ...!

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 06 February 2009
  • Currently 4.04/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (24)

One Sunday a pastor told the c...

One Sunday a pastor told the congregation that the church needed some extra money and asked the people to prayerfully consider giving a little extra in the offering plate. He said that whoever gave the most would be able to pick out three hymns.
After the offering plates were passed, the pastor glanced down and noticed that someone had placed a $1,000 bill in offering. He was so excited that he immediately shared his joy with his congregation and said he'd like to personally thank the person who placed the money in the plate.
A very quiet, elderly and saintly lady all the way in the back shyly raised her hand. The pastor asked her to come to the front. Slowly she made her way to the pastor. He told her how wonderful it was that she gave so much and in thanksgiving asked her to pick out three hymns.
Her eyes brightened as she looked over the congregation, pointed to the three handsomest men in the building and said, "I'll take him and him and him."
#joke #thanksgiving
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 04 March 2015
  • Currently 8.49/10

Rating: 8.5/10 (51)

Childhood is like being drunk

Childhood is like being drunk. Everyone remembers what you did, except you.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 23 November 2015
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

YOU know you need a Different Lawyer ...

YOU know you need a Different Lawyer when ......
* You met him in prison.
* During your initial consultation he tries to sell you Amway.
* He tells you that his last good case was a Budweiser.
* When the prosecutors see who your lawyer is, they high-five each other.
* He picks the jury by playing "duck-duck-goose."
* He tells you that he's never told a lie.
* He asks a hostile witness to "pull my finger."
* A prison guard is shaving your head.
#joke #lawyer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 29 April 2015
  • Currently 7.13/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (8)

How do you keep a dude busy?

How do you keep a dude busy?
- Give him a pack of M&Ms and ask him to put the candies in alphabetical order.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 12 February 2009
  • Currently 6.33/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (6)

What stays in one corner bu...

Q: What stays in one corner but travels around the world?
A: A stamp.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 11 October 2015
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

This an interactive joke, so h...

This an interactive joke, so have a piece of paper and pen handy.
A blonde woman walks into an auto parts store and the parts man asks how she is doing and what can he do for her. She replies, "Fine, I need a seven-ten cap for my car." The man asks," A seven-ten cap? Where does it go, I've never heard of such a thing?"
The blonde angrily replies, "It goes on top of the engine and don't think just because I'm blonde I don't know what I'm talking about!!" Perplexed,the parts man asks if she would draw him a picture and maybe help him out in figuring out what it is she needs.
Reader: Draw the number 710 in the middle of the paper and draw a circle around the whole number. Now turn the paper upside down.
#joke #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 19 January 2018
  • Currently 7.07/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (14)

Being rude is easy

Being rude is easy. It does not take any effort and is a sign of weakness and insecurity. Kindness shows great self-discipline and strong self-esteem. Being kind is not always easy when dealing with rude people. Kindness is a sign of a person who has done a lot of personal work and has come to a great self-understanding and wisdom. Choose to be kind over being right and you’ll be right every time because kindness is a sign of STRENGTH. ~ Author Unknown

Source: Webstagra.ms

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 21 May 2015
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (4)

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